I wish I could dispense some words of wisdom, but I can't. With my 3 kids it keeps me on my toes and down time or "me time" is 0. These are tough waters that you are about to navigate...I wish you the best.

I am dating a girl with 2 younger kids (4 & 7). I havent meet them and dont plan too unless things become more serious. Take your time, be open with who you are dating. But also take it slow. And dont forget about your kids. Communicate to them but dont give them details and use them as a crutch. It really is a juggling act.

Keep in mind your kids will not be happy (most likely). They will still want you and your ex to be together. And they will act out knowing that you are dating. Never mind your ex may also be upset. But your kids will talk to your ex and could create problems there.

As a single man, its been hard on me too. I want to spend every day with this girl but I know she has work and a family to take care of. So I try not to be to needy but sometimes its hard on me not to see her all the time.

I guess in my opinion...it wont be easy. My suggestion, dont push the dating thing. Let it come to you.

You got some good advice here. I wish I had more to add, but Im still trying to figure it out myself. I have learned though, that a lot of this is going to depend on you and your potential mates views on this subject.

I have sole custody of my son. You will most likely face some of the challenges with a military father for your children as I do now. My ex lives 800 miles away and I am a single parent 24/7 almost 365 days per year. My son only sees his father once per year for a week. All of the parenting responsibilities are on me, and Im VERY grateful for that...I wouldnt have it any other way.

However, the dating thing can be challenging. I have only dated one man in the 5 years now that I have been alone, and this is only recent. My boyfriend has not met my son although our relationship is very serious and exclusive. I will not allow my son to see a revolving door of men, and will not allow just anyone to meet my child. This is my rule. My bf respects and understands this... he is also supportive of my choices and understands the time that we get to spend together...although now that he is overseas, this is not a current issue. He grew up in a single parent home and remembers his mother choosing not to spend a lot of time with or pay attention to him. He knows what my son means to me..and he encourages the fact that my son comes first and foremost. Some men will get this, others will not. I could not and would not date a man who couldnt accept this.

When he is home and we are able to spend time together, I am blessed with a best friend who is always willing to watch him while I am out. My family is not supportive of me having a life outside and I have had to accept this. My family thinks I should be alone for an eternity or at least until my son is 18. they have told me that it is my fault that I am divorced, and it is my "problem" that I am single parent..therefore, do not ask them for help. Yep..that still stings.. but whatever.

Take things slow when you are ready. Be choosy in who gets to meet your children..as I know you will be, Do things in your own pace and time...the trick is having that other person on the same page with your ideals, values and beliefs.

Are you planning on moving somewhere close to your family for support, or will you be staying right where you are?

Yes it is hard - I have 2 children and I have been single for around 5 years with one relationship on and off for the last 3 years.
You meet guys and they seem really keen - then they find out you have kids and their face drops!!
You meet other guys that I would not put around my kids as they are not good role models.
You meet guys and they want to take you out but you have no one to watch the kids!!! arrrgghh
Then you meet other guys - you ship the kids out for the weekend to go out with them - then a couple of months down the line they mess you about or its over!!!
I never put guys that I am dating around my kids until I am sure about that person - in 5 years there has only been one and that relationship is on a knife edge!!!
Its hard - but hopefully you will meet a nice guy when you do start dating!!! Good Luck!!!

I dont care if she has kids just dont have a dog.

Don't think about that stuff till your ready.

Worrying works - 90 % of what I worry about DOESN'T HAPPEN lol!

i know how you feel. i date someone who also has a child. sometimes it mkaes tings easier bc i think he understands where im coming from. other times it mkaes things very difficult. i think if i didnt have a child would i try so hard to make things work? its very difficult. i cant imagine if things didnt work out and my daughter asks about him.. his daughter is 7. she still asks him where his ex is and why she doesnt see her anymore. its another level when children are involved. very difficult. hang in there.

I have been dating for about 6-7 months now, been in two relationships, and have come to the realization that perhaps I should push this higher up in priority, how a guy matches up with my kids. I have known all along, intuitively (instinctively) that I am attracted to guys who likes kids or are good dads. Both guys I have had a relationship with, had full custody of their kid(s). With both guys, I thought, why rush having them meet my kids, first guy never did, second guy has but more in casual passing. Second guy is still in the picture, but we are pretty much just friends (sorta, he wants me back ugh). Anyway, I am potentially entering into a third relationship, not serious or exclusive yet, and he has already met my kids once. We plan together our kids together this weekend (see how the kids play together, while the adults get to chat).

And really, I think this is kind of ideal, get the guy to meet the kids early in the relationship . As I don't want to get too serious (emotionally attached) with a guy only to learn he hates my kids, we have opposite parenting philosophies, or they don't get a long period if that makes sense. I am treating this somewhat like a play date I'd have with another mom. I will tell my kids, this guy is a friend and leave it at that. Will it backfire on me, who knows. But I am still figuring out this dating process thing. And having fun!! Not going to put my life one hold just because I haven't got things figured out. And I do eventually want to re-marry. I am ready to date, but trying to take it somewhat slow (get to know the guy well before becoming intimate/ serious).

anyone new is going to have to pas "the kid test" AND "the dog test"

oh, and I forgot to mention, any guy that meets my kids, gets a criminal background check! I am upfront with dates about this, that I will not get serious if they have a history (serious stuff like been in jail, pedophile, abuse, etc...).

Just wanted to hear opinions and how other people handle it. Thanks - really good advise!! I'm staying where I am for now. My first thought was to move as far away as possible from stbx but I would just be hurting my kids and in the end myself. I don't have family close - sister and brother in the Army so even if I move close to them they would be moving on with their lives. I don't have "me time" so if I stay close to stbx he can take the kids often and I can try to have a social life.
Agree with the kids test and background check!!! I'm not worry right now I just think about it and it just seems easier just to stay single but I don't want to be alone the rest of my life.