A few years back, my 9 year relationship ended. I wondered how soon would be ok to date again. I met someone I clicked with after 3 months. I guess there is no right or wrong to this, just go with what your heart tells you.

Thank you for the advice. Its just nice to have a nice female friend to hang out with. It even does not have to itmimate at this time eithetr. Just content for that companionship.

if thats what works for you then good for you.
its not something i could do. i have been divorced for over a year and i still struggle with things i need to work on before i feel i am healthy enough to get into another relationship. i wouldnt date anyone who isnt divorced yet. even if they have been seperated awhile. being divorced is an entirely different feeling (for me, in my experience) than being seperated.
i also wouldnt want anyone to say about me that its just about companionship. to me, that sounds like i could be "just anyone" - and i definitely havent worked this hard on myself to get into a healthy relationship to be "just anyone" to someone.
from my experience, it just freaks me out (for whatever reason) when someone cant be alone. it scares me. why are people so scared to be alone? i dont know. all just my opinion.

if you are happy then thats all that matters. its your journey so do what makes you happy.

seanie - you are here on a breakup/divorce support board - did the relationship you were in after your marriage (the relationship you spoke about in your post) end? or are you here due to another relationship? i was just curious - i havent ever met anyone who has entered into a relationship so quickly after their divorce (or seperation) working out.

best of luck to both of you. xoxo

I dated very soon after my breakup, and hurt a few guys. It wasn't fair to them. I was using them for companionship and to prove a point.

Be careful about that if you can.

Well, I'm not dating just to be with"anyone" like u say. I did not a will not roll in the hay or get to hot at this time with anyone. If that was the case I would had found someone to mess around with a day after my wife left me. I could have. I am able to find the so called "anyone" if I wanted but I chose not to go that route.

Agreeing with Ilove - if you are happy then thats all that matters. I just can't do it - I want to be alone for a while, work on myself, make myself happy before I have to worry about making someone else happy. Good Luck to you!!

Hey everyone,
I have a question for iloverufu... You said that the feeling of being divorced is different to being separated? Is it that you feel more alone after the official divorce is over and you have to let go of any small hope that there could be a reconciliation/
I ask this because I have been separated for 18 mths now and my divorce will be final on September 28th. I waited for just over a year of separation to file for divorce on advice of my General Practitioner and family friend.
i was doing really well and feeling so much stronger up until the last 2 weeks as my divorce date is soon approaching. I am starting to feel really anxious and sad. I was so devastated and depressed when this whole drama started and now i see the beginnings of the same crippling anxiety emerging again. i really don't want to crash back into the slump I went through. I think I have made alot of progress to this date. I am just afraid that the final divorce will be too much to handle emotionally. Please if there is any advice you or anyone else can give I would be eternally grateful.

First I would ask my self what were the core reasons for my break up. It takes two for a break up so no one should be more to blame.

On your part; what wrongs did you do for the build up of the break up? I would try to fix those bad things first before concentrating on another person as you will end up bringing those negatives to that new relationship and it will be the same pattern.

I would focus on that then work on the communication with the other person.

Some people say that it's what's in your heart, or when you feel is ready. But everyone's relationship or break-up is different. Focus on what happen in the break up so that it doesn't happen again. In other worlds learn from your mistakes then move on.

We don't leave a sour relationship to build another potential sour relationship if we don't correct our part.

God Bless.

Look for love because you're ready, not because you're lonely. I read that just today.

well, we are not deep at all at this time. no sex and not even kissing just hanging out for lunch, casual outings and talking over the phone. some of these reponses have been helpful but some silly. each situation is different. not ready for a serious relationship but there are no laws to hanging out with a friend. listening to some posters i thought i committed a felony 1 for hanging out with a female friend. your situation is yours and my situation is mine!

Enjoy your friendship. Friendships are gifts. XoXo

Go for it.

I agree with everyone. What you feel is right for you is right for you. I've asked my friends on this very topic and they are split. Some, like my pastor, say that I am technically still married and dating should not be allowed. It's been 13 months and I do not feel married nor is my STBX acting like a spouse. So other think that it is okay to date. With me, my emotions are ever changing. First I was in disbelief, then anger, then discouraged and lonely, and now angry and hurt as she tries to destroy me and my relationship with my children in order to get everything her way. My heart is very hurtful and scared right now and the thought of a new relationship sickens me right now. But, 6 months ago, I was in the lonely stage like you are. I just wanted someone to eat a meal or go to the movies with rather than do those things by myself. I tried internet sites and found most women do not want a married guy. But, I did meet a "friend" just like you did and it was real nice, just dinners, movies, and some events that you really didn't want to be alone to attend. Now, I am conflicted. I don't want to hurt her feelings and I'm not sure about mine as they keep changing. It helps that she lives two hours away.

My advice to you is: 1) You have a very special lady to take a chance on you so appreciate her. 2) You are still new in this process. If your STBX keeps things civil (and you do to), it can work out. If it turns ugly, your new friend might just be the support that you need or you can resent her too - but I think she understands the risk. The fact is that you are already dating this special lady so you might as well keep doing it as it seems it makes you both happy. If things turn ugly and you start to resent her, write me, by that time I might have better wisdom for you than just "be careful".

Priz
I had the same emotions when my divorce was becoming final. In court I actually was bawling, trying to figure out what the hell was my deal I talked to people. It's the end, regardless of the meanness of the ex and being ok with the divorce. It means its done, actually a single person. All those years together for naught (thought that at the time) It is just closure and finality, make sure you have friends family to talk to. I cried then got angry again why he did this to me but it was more because (I think) it was spoken out loud and other people had to hear we failed. You will be ok, take care of yourself and it does get better. You are in my prayers.

I agree with you about having a friend to talk to. I found a male friend through this site and we support each other. It helps a lot. I was in the same situation like you. My husband cheated on me and when I found out he wanted me to accept the other woman. I filed the divorce and will be final next month. I think it is OK as long as you are not rushing to a new relationship.