I think if you both are on the same page and neither one expects it to be anything more than having fun, going to dinner, movies, whatever ... it's fine. If you know you don't want anything long term with this person, I'd definitely be upfront and let him know rather than lead him on and use him just for the company.

Dating doesn't have to be serious all of the time.

Just keep it really casual, and make sure he knows how you feel. And yep, it IS ok to just date and go out and have fun with someone.

I think it just depends on what you are looking for at the time you are dating and want for the relationship at that time.

What about my kids? I'm afraid of getting hurt, hurting him, but mostly letting my kids get hurt? The first two, I can deal with somehow, but I don't want them to meet someone great if there is no future together, but at the same time I cannot imagine being with someone without having my children involved in all aspects of my life. Is it a terrible thing to do to my kids?

Lee

Yes, it is bad. Don't do to others what you don't want done to you. How would you feel if someone said the same wen thinking aboout dating you? Respect other's feelings and, most importantly, your own. It is not right. More like codepedency in the make. Take your time, learn to be alone and rely on yourself, don't settle. You sound like you are still feeling like a half missing the other half, replacement, rebound. Nothing wrong with that, we all have been there. You should really not engage in relationships until about 2 yrs after div, according to most therapists. THe risk of reliving the former relationship is high in that phase, and breakups will set you back in your recovery, they will have a high emotional cost most likely, whether you love the person or not. My advice is to fill the voids with family and friends, make new friends joining interest groups (singles social clubs, hiking clubs, etc). Read and learn about div phases and how to heal (I suggest "the journey from abandonment to healing", susan anderson), check the resources section. I joined clubs and it helped a lot. The singles social club I joined (just google for the one in your city)always went dancing and to shows. That way I had company, flirted lots, got me out of the dating/replacement phase. This time it is all about you and learning to go from half to whole and be completely comfortable and confident, bubbly and happy about life. No need to worry, you are cute, good looking, and the pool of singles will never dry. Take your time and eventually you will find the right person for you, but that can't happen if you are dating someone already. Plus, I would be careful with sex, the highest STD numbers are among divorced people. Buy a BOB (battery-operated-boyfriend, vibrator) and other sex toys to help you get through the hormonal readjustment your body is going through (also known as horny phase). Be very selective of who you let around you and VERY selective of who you date. Treat yourself with tone of self respect, go for trips, enjoy the goods in singlehood (can move anytime, travel, etc). And don't worry, you will make a new happy story for yourself and that hole will because smaller and smaller every day, and the wonder woman in you will grow stronger from deep inside, and eventually you may consider someone really special to include in your life. Very big hug to you. Take care of yourself better than anyone else, as only you know all that you need, want and feel; and let crap pass you by.

Wow, I can say everyone has an opinion, but the last one was, wow.

You can date with knowing it wont go long term, but just make sure the person you are dating knows as much.

As far as your kids, if you do not think it will be long term, limit their interaction with the person, in their eyes, keep it as friends, and when they are in bed, have your fun.

Ready4life is right as far as making sure you are healed, but only you will know when that is. 2 years past divorce is bullshit to me. Once you are ready, you are ready, there is no set time table.

Be safe, have fun, be honest with your dates.

Lee,

Take the dating thing slow and let him know up front you don't want a long term relationship. Make it clear to him. I also don't think you should introduce anyone to the kids unless you are serious. It's just too confusing for kids.

Dilemma

If you just keep it casual is ok, but otherwise I think you end up being hurt...

nobody's got all the answers, just go with your gut. anything any two people agree to, why not

As long as he knows up front that this is not serious, it's okay to date casually, though I would not introduce him to your kids.

But I also fear you're dating for the wrong reasons. When you talk about flashbacks, it tells me that you're still healing. May need to spend more time alone and just develop friendships.

Just my two cents.