Why try to control feelings? I would encourage exploring what is behind what you are feeling now. I promise it will help lead you to a better place when you can acknowledge what is going on.

((((((((HUGS)))))))

What I meant is the hurt had subsided and I was thinking about her less and less with each passing day.

It triggered me. Now it's fresh again. I guess it's a minor setback, but this does show me I'm not yet over it completely. I thought I was close, but obviously I'm not. Perhaps the wound is deeper than I thought.

I know what's behind what I'm feeling now. I still love her, even though I know it was not, and could not be a healthy relationship.

I don't feel ashamed I still love her. That tells me volumes about the depth of my emotional capacity. I don't give out love casually and I can't turn it off in a casual manner either. I think most here can relate to that.

At the same time I know I should never go back to her, as I do know that would lead to more heartache. I've blocked her phone numbers and facebook account and I changed my ISP (was scheduled before the breakup to save $$$) so she doesn't have my new email addy. Even though my head tells me No, I'm not so sure it could override my heart should she contact me for reconciliation. It's really a moot point anyway. As far as I can determine, she couldn't care less about me now.

I care about myself and her thoughts and (lack of) feelings for me shouldn't affect that one iota. In truth it didn't yesterday but it does today.

Of course rejection by someone that had professed undying love hits at the core of our being. Especially when the love is flipped off like a light switch over the course of 24 hours, and over a seemingly irrelevant issue that's ultimately workable.

I've had several posters here point out she exhibits behaviors common to borderline personality disorder. A frind at work that sat next to her for over a year is of the opinion she's bi-polar.

Of course none of them are in a position to make that kind of diagnosis, but her pattern of behavior is all too real.

I should be thankful she dumped me. Really I should. And on one level I really am. My left brain is thankful but I guess my right brain is still holding on.

Contemplate... would she have done that intentionally with the specific goal of trying to trigger a reaction from you? I know some people who are that devious and manipulative.

Triggers suck and since you have gone no contact it most likely is her way of reaching out to you to see how you will react. If you really want to move on, DONT CONTACT HER. I know you know this already...just reinterating it. Stay strong! You can do it!

I doubt she's being devious or manipulative. I tend to think she couldn't care less how I feel. That's a bitter but necessary pill to swallow.

I was feeling so good yesterday. Ah well, I'm sure this will be a temporary setback and I'll be much better in a day or two.

I vote those of us who like to bake, start sending cookies to your work and sign the note with those porn-names, you know, the name of your childhood pet and the street you live on....

so what's your porn name?

Hahah, better yet, send them to Baby Cakes. That was her pet name for me.

As to how you sign them, I'll leave that up to you. I'm sure you ladies can come up with something provocative. Oh, and maybe a lipstick imprint and lots of xxooxxooxxoos...

;-)

By the way, thanks Joy. That put a smile on my face. :-)

Wait, now that I think of it, strike Baby Cakes and instead send them to Stud Muffin!

That's a blast from a past relationship I do have fond memories of.

JustaSimp,
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders - honest enough to acknowledge your feelings and yet self-loving enough to stay away from hurtful contact. I hope you bounce back quickly from the cookie incident. Stuff like that happens to me too. It will be okay.

Lavad