So my hubby of 11 1/2 years told me he wanted a divorce on my bday. For the record, we got in an argument the night before and he stayed away all night. He tried to salvage my day when he got home but his actions were so different and I was so upset and hurt something told me to ask, not expecting him to say yes or to find out a couple days later he already filed but was waiting for his parents to visit then tell me. We've always had some issues but we worked them out or so I thought. This is both our 2nd marriage we each have kids. His son admitted as he got older that he caused us to get in arguments when he was younger but my husband doesn't believe it and always took his side. We still got along worked thru and although not perfect we were strong. We agreed we could make it through anything with all the kid blending bumps we had. I always tried to be there for his kids but he never allowed me. His own family put them down and all I tried to do was help. he never taught them to respect me or appreciate anyone or at least he didn't want to see that they didn't appreciate anyone in his family. Eventually the kids got older, didn't come over moved on. I was to blame in his eyes. I tried to give him an out once saying if he was going to blame me forever we could be done. he didn't take that opportunity. He had his moments with my son too. He was way more protective of me to my own son as a father would be but didn't treat his kids the same way. I never understood but that was our life. Now this past summer his son was being booted from his mom's house. they had an agreement that he wasn't following thru on so naturally he was supposed to come here. however, we have had 5 yrs of people in and out as roommates. I couldn't do it a second time with his son but I also couldn't say no, he's my step son. it's just the past manipulation that scared me even when he was here at 21!! same crap. anyways he ended up finding his own apartment and is working it! that's what his mom wanted. But we couldn't talk about the kids for years and this was just another thing. Hubby got a new job over the summer after being self employed for years and basically I feel started an emotional affair with someone from work who has marital issues. I brought it to his attention and told her how I felt and they apparently don't talk that much anymore but they still do talk. He's a fixer problem solver and didn't think anything was wrong with it but it was the excessive texting I caught on to that turned into an issue. His friends are my friends, I get he needed an outside source. I discovered all that after my bday. So, he filed but I have not been served (no jinx) we have tried to agree to keep it cordial and after the holidays. He says he feels trapped, unsettled. We still sleep in the same room. I'm to the point that I know I need a miracle but do I really want it and his actions. The problem I truly have is I don't have a valid reason, just excuses. No family member understands nor do friends, they all know we are strong and overcame so much. Everyone says it's a midlife crisis. I've given him space and I'm working on time. Do I let go, do I wait? He's shutting people out including family and friends. He's not himself. sorry for the book. I'm just so crushed