I’m in a similar situation and it’s leading to divorce and it hurts because I’ve done everything I could possibly do to stop it but I can’t change how I feel and what my husband did. I’m not sure what has happened between you two but did you guys attempt marriage counseling or anything? How long before you knew that divorce was possible for you guys? I think everyone heals in thier own way and time because I still feel the sting of the pain and it was almost a year ago.

We went to two marriage counseling sessions. We discontinued with that counselirnbc she made my wife feel attaked. We were supposed to try someone else but every time I found a new counselor or brought it up my wife refused to go. I never thought divorce was a possibility. I always thought we would be able to work things out and reconcile. My wife told me last week that we were getting a divorce. I asked if she would at least leave things open for the option of reconciliation and she agreed but said she doesn’t think she can get over her resentment towards me and that it would just make us grow to hate each other if we stayed together. This is so hard. She’s been my best friend and my person for ten years. I don’t know how I’ll get through it

Did you ask her if she has other interests in seeing other people? Maybe that’s where she is at but she loves you and doesn’t know how to tell you that.. I know it’s all heartbreaking and it won’t be a easy road to recovery but you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. If no counselor you both have chosen has made a difference or there was a reason for not going then she seems to be avoiding the real issue in my opinion. Ten years is a long time to just wipe away like it didn’t happen so it’s possible that she is not strong enough herself to be open enough to tell you what the real issue is

She said she’s not interested in anyone else. She said she’s just tired and feels like she’s had to be my parent and life coach our whole relationship and that she’s tired of it. I always saw her taking charge of decisions and pushing for us to be better as her wanting to improve our relationship not as being parented and the decision making part comes natural to her bc that’s her personality.

I’m sorry to hear you are going through something similar. I wouldn’t wish anyone else to have to feel the pain and heartache this causes.

Man, I can relate to you when you said she’s more active and you passive and I almost lost my family for that difference of characters. Your situation is complicated but I can see there is HOPE.

The key word is love. You said you love each other. Is there in any way you could be around in a way that you don’t asphyxiate her but at the same time showing her you’re advancing, keeping a distance but not too far? Let her know you’re for her and that you will respect her wishes, but you are still able to fight for this marriage even though she's been hurt by your actions. That you have faith and you will do whatever a man has to do to rescue your 10 years of marriage, and you will win again her heart because she’s your princess. Keep validating her feelings, not diminishing them and also showing her you’re taking drastic decisions in your life, to grow, to advance, that you’re not at the same place, that you're moving forward, that you’re doing it not only for her but for your own sake. When she sees your change tell her that you will be the same new person after you get together again (that's talking by faith).
Do not stop going to therapy and learn new strategies to take passiveness, procrastination and to prevent you get into the dark hole of depression: that's a bad sign of weakness and women doesn’t like it. Show her it is very painful and that your soul is bleeding, but that you will maintain strong and focus to fix what has to be done in order to become the man a great woman she deserves.

Something that helped me a lot is to hear different speakers, like Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown, John Maxwell, etc. as audiobook format (we man aren't great readers but rather listeners). You can borrow them in your local library through the HOOPLA app. Rad books like Dr Viktor E. Frankel “Man’s searching for meaning”, and the one helped me to understand my wife’s needs is “5 love languages” a best-seller by Gary Chapman.
My best wishes warrior!

Marriage should be a partnership, with both partners equally contributing to the success of the relationship. When one partner constantly does all the "heavy lifting", it is no wonder resentment builds, until there is nothing else.

You say you viewed her "take charge" attitude as a sign that she wanted to improve your relationship. With the knowledge that your wife wanted to improve the relationship (or if it was just your perception), did you ask what you could do to also improve things? Or did you merely rely on her to do the marriage improvement work?

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh (I have had more that a few people on DS accuse me of being too harsh, mean or non-supportive, but I'm pragmatic and a problem solver), but until the difficult questions are answers, there can be no solutions. Only by honestly addressing your contribution to the problem can a resolution be found.