(((((HG)))))

It has taken me years to realize that people who say things like that do it because they feel badly about themselves.....it has nothing to do with you. I listened to and believed my husband for years, too. Then I started to see what a liar and manipulator he was. It somehow made him feel better about himself if he could put me down. The words still hurt, but now I know where they come from and I can remove myself from the equation. I hope you can too!

Healing,

I am so sorry. Emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse. It sounds like he tried to blame you for his own bad behavior.

Talk over his cruel words with a counselor, and the impact that they have had on you.

It is tough to forget cruel words. Unfortunately, a spouse is often the one who best understands how to deeply wound you.

Asking yourself your own truth and being your own best friend. Surrounding yourself with people that can add a totally different perspective on things. You are not what he told you. He is not the owner of the truth. Best wishes...

Consider the source.

He's trying to justify bad behavior and choices. Did you really think that he was man enough to own them? No. Instead it's a lot easier to attack and blame every weakness that he knows about your personality.

Is that the behavior of a nice person? NO!

OK, so what?!! You're not fun all the time. Well guess what? Neither am I.

It's fun to be a kid and just run around and have fun with your friends. But being an adult is a lot more than that.

It sounds like neither your ex nor that girl have ever grown up.

I also lived through years of verbal/emotional abuse. I was told I wasn't sexy, was too fat, was not friendly, was not smart, etc. The list was endless.

I felt the same way you did. Counseling helped me and also keeping people around me who love me and reaffirm what is true about me. One thing I did that helped immensely was when I was sorting through old stuff, I found some autograph books from when I was in high school. The nice things those people wrote about me reminded me of the person I truly was, not the person my cruel ex made me out to be.

Go dig out your old yearbooks and remember the good things people said about you.

And start BELIEVING YOUR OWN NEW TRUTH--you can do this!!!!

healing i know exactly what you are saying... the blow to my self esteem has been incredible.. amazing how many ways they can hurt us... but boy they can... we are not defective... there is nothing wrong with us.. we are good people and others do like us and one day we will realize that and the crap they said to us and about us will no longer cause us to have self doubt ((((HUGS)))) of support to you

I'd like to break the kneecaps of the person who said, "sticks and stones...."
My stbx told me and made me feel stupid and told me I was "boring."
His family was in on it as well. I lost all self esteem(what little I had to begin with).
After I left him, I met some ppl here on DS. They always tell me how fun and funny I am(I didn't believe them at first)....but they kept/keep calling me to hang with them. I started college after being out of school for 30 years and guess what. I have all "A's" and one "B".....my teachers are always telling me how smart I am. I'm building a new career and life. Guess what stbx is doing? A below minimum wage job and lives in a pig hole. Buried in debt over his eyelashes!
I think I'll keep this life... for $500 Alex!
Believe in yourself.....just take that leap of faith....here's a little something to get you thinking...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0vASF56vJM

Big hugs to you..I am sorry your ex made you feel this way. Mine was always kind to me throughout our marriage. But wow during the separation and divorce he became very cruel. Counseling helps and also realizing that he is the only one that has ever been cruel like that to me. So it is he crap. But it does hurt none the less. Find something to replace his tape in your head...

This was one of the hardest things for me to do, but I did it and you can too. Every time I would hear his voice in my head saying something bad about me, I would literally yell STOP.. Then I would replace it with something that I thought about myself, and it had to be nice. It took me a while to exorcise his voice from my head, but you can do it, and when you do, you will find peace! All the best to you, Kimmee

I know your pain too, and am trying to work my way out of it. I an naturally a little shy, but warm right up when I know people. Now, after the emotional and verbal abuse, and the forced isolation, I am struggling and stretching to force myself out of my comfort zone. At first, I was damn awkward, but I'm getting the swing of it. Other than counseling, maybe you could try a mantra- I AM funny, I AM worthwhile. Hopefully in time, you'll believe it. Sending some hugs and support to you!

Big hugs to you. I have been there. seek Therapy quickly. Know you are not alone. Know that you are loveable. Know that you are worthy of love. It does take time, but people do want to know YOU!

Everyone who said consider the source is right. Your ex cannot feel good about himself unless he pushes someone down. This screams inferiority complex. A person can be victorious without a trail of victims, but only if they like themselves when they look in the mirror. My ex was like yours. Loved me and was a sympathetic ear during our years together BUT through every painful memory or secret I shared with him back in my face before he left. Later made fun of my body parts on Facebook. Funny how he loved those body parts several times per week for 13 years right up to day we split up. I look at it this way. He either lied all those years (unlikely) or he lied on the way out because he could feel good unless he put me down. It really doesn't prove anything other than the man is a liar.
Ignore his comments. He obviously from his actions and how he conducts himself doesn't know anything about anything. Certainly doesn't know anything about being a decent human being. People who blame others for their own issues are pretty pathetic.
If I were you I would beleive the exact OPPOSITE of what he says to you. That is more likely the truth and he can't handle it because it makes him realize what an idiot he is. (((HUGS)))

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/loving-ourselves

It boggles my mind to think that words... combinations of letters, syllables, accents transported on little puffs of air can damage like any sharpened steel instrument. Ghandi said no one takes our power, we give it to them. Take back your power. Take it back now. It's yours. Don't let a person who does not respect or cherish you be the judge of your worth. Start today. Do one thing that you fear. When you have it done, do another, until your sense of accomplishment becomes the clothing you wear. And your new confidence, that you will wear will shield you... from those little daggers disguised as words. Hugs to you.....

Bridget and the other posts have some great advice for you - I hope you will listen to it.

Lynne