I am so sorry about the communications breakdown and the current state of the sensual side of your marriage.
Had not seen you about for awhile, and had fondly hoped things were working out for you.... No such luck apparently.
How i wish I could advise you! But if she won't speak about her issues clearly or go to counseling... ???
I am so hoping someone else will come by soon with some inspiration......because the only thing I can offer is that some women lose much sexual interest during/after menopause...I have been told there is therapy for this......
I send you hugs and support......

Couple thoughts on that.

Is she depressed?
Could there be another man?

Have you considered that your wife may be in menopause? It can sometimes be a real libido killer, especially if she is not on hormone replacement therapy.

I know this because I had the same problem. As long as I was on the hormones, my sexual urges were fine. When my doc took me off of the pills because of health concerns my libido took a nose dive. Desire just wasn't there.

I know the frustration from both sides. I'm sure this contributed to my ex's cheating (although doesn't excuse it) and, of course, it was no picnic for me either.

All I can suggest is maybe taking her to a doctor and see if this problem is physiological or psychological or both.

There are many reasons why the sex life seems to lack in the marriage. Being that it has been going on for 3 years or more, I wouldn't think there would be someone else as usually when there is another, the change you see is from loving to hating in a moment and actions from them go fast and furiously downhill with no reason. Although, the continued persistence she has to turn it around on to you, is taking the light off of her and put focus on all things that are irrelevant or/and unfounded. Just a defense mechanism and seen a lot when someone has something to hide or just can't share what they want to.

It could be what Boyd said, it could be that as time goes on and two people are together, the sex life subsides. I think a lot of relationships encounter this. Some times it is a matter of changing things up or getting back to the romance, dating and emotional part of the relationship to have that connection again with her. Then the rest will fall in to place.

Continue to try to talk to work things out, take action to bring the romance back, do what you can to make it what you want it to be, but recognize the signs all the way through and make the best decision for you in the end.

best wishes

I hate to say this, but when one person in a relationship is no longer interested in intimacy...it generally means they are no longer interested in the relationship! While health issues and menopause can "interrupt" physical intimacy, those things usually do not interrupt the emotional intimacy.

Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship and sadly, it's one of the first things to "go" when the relationship is in "trouble". I think you and your wife have larger issues hiding in the shadows than just sexual problems.

Sorry to be so blunt.

G'day Boyd,

Nice to hear from you again, and thank you for responding so quickly. I am sitting here at the keyboard with all my mates (that is - on my own), fuming and trying to decide on my next course of action. Just taken some meds to try to calm down a bit so forgime me if I start talking martian. I don;t normally take any meds at all so the ones I have knock the hell out of me when I do take them.

After the last little episode, She came sort of better for a short while but has slowly but surely reverted back to her old nasty self.

I think she has deluded herself into thinking that if she treats me badly enough, I will just walk away and give her everything. I did this with my first wife, gave here everything - unencumbered.

I have sought and recieved some very good legal advice this time and contingency plans are in place. I have done what I can to protect my interests. This goose will no longer be laying any golden eggs - so to speak and I promise you, there will be no pot of gold at the end of her delusional little rainbow.

Do I sound bitter and twisted? Damn straight I am. All I have ever done is to love this woman with all my heart and treat her like a queen, raised and educated her daughter and worked myself into two heart attacks in the process. Now, I seem to be being cast aside like a dirty rag.

Menopause? She is at about the right age for it, but she denies it and suffers no physical symptoms of it apart from her lack of desire for me and her nastiness.. I suspect she is seeing somebody else and is just being a bitch to me trying to get me to move out of the house for her.

I'll move out allright, but in the process, I will be focing her to do the same so that it can be sold. I'll buy another place - no problem and she can do the best she can. Maybe her new fuckstick has plenty of money. Who knows? Either way, I'll be OK, be sure of that.

I just don't think she has thought it through properly. No other man will put up with her shit like I have - for as long as I have or continually pull her daughter out of the shit like I have or, allways, just be there for her, the way I have been.

Sorry mate, just letting off some steam now.

I guess there is much that I just don't understand. My female work colleagues tell me I am still an attactive man and sometimes, I even get propositioned! I am no lounge lizard and think I am considered by allmost all who know me as an allround good bloke. Whatever, there are is no shortage of available women in my area who I am led to believe, would jump at the opportunity to be in her shoes. All I want is a woman to love me for who and what I am and to respect and desire me.

We are supposed to start our vacation together tomorrow. Interesting tims ahead - I think.

WOW!

So many replies while I was typing my laast little rant.

Thank you guys. and blunt is good.

Yes, I thing the relationship is in bad trouble, in that it is just about stuffed.

I made it very clear tonight, that I wasn't prepared to turn the other cheek any more and that if she continued on her current course, there would be consequences - and what those consequences would be. Tjhe first and formost was that she would lose her home and her financial back stop. We are both working and she has no claim on my income legally.

We make similar pay but she has no clue financially and I am continually helping her out. No more! We'll see how long her fuckstick is prepared to do this.LOL

She is 52 years old and will not be as pretty as an oil painting for ever. ( I think she is pretty anyway - but I am biased)

Calming down a bit now, Man these drugs are goooood. :))

It is late Saturday night here now and i am getting very tired :) Tomorrow promised to be interesting - to say the least. We are suposed to do a road tip in the morning to see her mother for her mothers birthday. If I don't get back here for a couple of days please understand.

Perhaps we might still travel down there and play "happy families" again, who knows?

I hope you two might have a positive heart to heart on your trip. I know you have really been feeling stressed and rejected and taken for granted. Terrible to feel that way.
This is a good place to blow off steam, so don't be shy. Maybe things will get talked out. I sure hope so, but it is GREAT that you have legal advice and a backup.

I really hope your trip turns out to be a comunications breakthrough for you... could happen....Happy Trails!

hairmick said "She is smarter than I am and is better with words. "

Is there a way you can find out if she has become intellectually bored with life?

(You might be the "dog" she is kicking ... displaced aggression.)

If yes, is there anything the two of you can do about that?

Is there something SHE wants to do on your vacation?

Life's interesting to say the least isn't it. If nothing I hope to become wiser with age. I won't be a doormat and won't put on blinders and pretend. I hope you and your wife will be able to work through this. If she's refuses, than it is what it is and you need to take care of you. Her attitude could be so many different things, but if she doesn't share you don't know and you could make yourself crazy trying to guess what it is.

G'day Roadrunner,

Mate everything we have ever done on our vacations is what SHE has wanted to do. Now, the way I feel, she can just piss off.

I'm over it all and all her bullshit too. Now that I am finally starting to stand up for myself, I am the arsehole.

She has allways had blokes before me who have knocked her around, beat her up etc etc. I have never reaised either hand or voice to her. Perhaps that is what she wants? Who the hell knows?

I really feel the need now to go out and buy a little red sports car and a Harley, go out and find some sheila or several of them, with big tits (or small) :) and red hair and spend a fortune on her, showing her a good time.

All a bloke really needs is a woman who appreciates him and gives him a lil affection and lovin now and then. We are like old dogs, scratch us on the nuts and we'll follow you anywhere. :)

Stay away from redheads, mick, they're psycho. j/k
I don't have much advice, aside what many others have posted, but I wish you more than a bit of peace and happiness.

She could be having a physical problem. It could be an intimacy issue. Or depression. If she refuses to go to a counselor with you, go by yourself. At best they will give you some healthy advice.

hairymick, sorry I can't help.

I wish you best of luck, mate.

What are divorce settlements like in OZ? Do you each split the assets 50/50?