Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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dreamliketrance 12/21/2014

My divorce was final a few weeks ago. I have gone back and forth as to whether or not to reach out to my ex husbands parents. We were together 6 years and spent a lot of time with his family even living with them for 6 months to help them with their family businesses. I feel like they were blind sided by the divorce as my husband never talked to anyone about the problems we were having and when I finally left it was quick and sudden.

I just want them to know how much I appreciated being part of their family and how kind they always were to me.

Part of me thinks they hate me as I'm sure my husband made me out to be an unforgiving and evil wife and maybe writing to them would be a bad idea.

The other part of me hopes they know I'm a good person and leaving their son was the hardest thing I have ever done and still struggle with the guilt even though he was destroying my self esteem.

They have not made any effort to reach out to me yet. I'm sure the shock is still fresh to them. We didn't have children so its not like we should stay connected for any reason. What do you guys think? Or what did you do if a similar situation happened to you?

hpnote 12/21/2014

I ended up contacting my mother-in-law. I am glad I did. I just wanted to thank her inviting me into the family. She is very nice. She ended up sending me a gift for my birthday. I don't know how they will react if you call or write, but I think it could a good opportunity for you.

Sarasalt 12/21/2014

If you're going to contact them, I'd think that a card or letter would be best. Something where they don't have to respond or decide whether or not to acknowledge the reach-out immediately. I'd also use that as an opportunity to focus on them and your appreciation of them, and would leave any talk of their son/your ex out of it. Either way, just be sure to not expect any reciprocation - it might be best for them and for their relationship with your ex if they don't maintain contact with you. Wishing you peace!

ALD13072 12/21/2014

I agree with Sara...I think a short note or card is appropriate. Keep it simple and view it as closure and the last time you will communicate with them. My ex's mom reached out to me the day of the divorce (doubt she actually knew that was our court date as she is not all that close with her son....I think it was coincidence). She just said sorry her son hurt me. I kept it simple by saying thank you and that I appreicaited how kind she always was to me and that I wish her and my father in law all my best. Not to be mean, but I then deleted her from Facebook, my phone, etc.

Hugs to you and wishes for continued healing.

gem111 12/21/2014

It actually took me about 10 years for my in laws to accept me.
That being said----I married their son and after they accepted me and we understood each other, YES, I would have contacted them to let them know how I felt. I think they are feeling badly about now and do not know if they should contact you.
It always, at least to me, makes me happy to spread some Christmas cheer. I think they would really appreciate your gesture.
Just my opinion.

dreamliketrance 12/22/2014

Thanks for all the replies. I actually came home today to find my ex husbands mother had sent me the stocking she knitted for me for Christmas (we always spent it with them) and a short little note just saying she was sorry things didn't work out and they wish nothing but good things for me. I cried pretty bad because losing such a good second family hurts a lot. I feel better about writing to them now though and know it will be the right thing to do. But again thanks for the advice!

holehearted 12/22/2014

Then reach out and say Hi. Holidays are a good time to do that. Just keep it unemotional and simple.

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