I can understand why you would be angry! Hopefully his actions speak loudly enough that your sons know to guard their hearts.

I can understand why you would be angry! Hopefully his actions speak loudly enough that your sons know to guard their hearts.

Oops sorry about that phone trouble. anyway praying you have strength and can let go of the anger

RB, don't allow him to anger you, he's not worth it; and your sons know it too. If he thinks $40 makes up for being a total jackass, he's delusional.

I say talk to your sons openly and honestly and ask them how they feel about the situation. Tell them you are angry at their father's approach to things and would prefer he leave all of you alone, but since they are men it is their choice to stay in contact with him or not, and to not allow your opinion of their father to influence their decision.

However, warn them unless an apology is the first thing from their father's mouth, $40 dollars will not make up for the emotional damage he caused. He's obviously having a guilty conscience and thinks he can buy your son's affection with such a cheap gift.

Nevertheless, tell your sons that until they feel right in their spirits that their father is sincere, that they should proceed with caution.

Lord knows i have been trying but it is so difficult. If he would have left it would have hurt no matter what; its HOW he did it that burns the crap out of me that I wish i could kill him and actually get away with it. I sometimes feel even more upset that my son is talking with the asshole. He was the one that critized him the most and the least that got along with him. Now they seem like buddies. What the hell is that about? Guilt?

Perhaps your son just wants his acceptance, despite everything RB, a dad can be a total ass, and children who crave their father's acceptance will see them as heroes. I had to allow my daughter to see her dad for the true blue jerk that he was, for a while she was convinced I was the selfish one destroying the family because I filed for divorce. But as I told her if I don't stand up for myself and demand respect in a relationship, I have no one to blame but myself for being taken for granted; and after her enduring several broken promises, unreturned phone calls, and multiple lies, she stopped calling him. It was painful to watch her endure it, but it was the only way, or she'd worn those blinders for life.

Your son will see it for himself. In the meantime, vent to anyone that will listen, stay away from church counselors as they are sexist and always biased towards the men; grab your pillow and scream into it and call him every name in the book; journal your feelings; tell God I'm angry and if you don't help me heal I will kill him....LOL. Your are allowed to be angry; but please don't hold it in, then the anger becomes toxic to you.

i so understand you...9 months later my sons dont want anything to do with his psychopath, serial cheater father....nothing we can d

So my ex calls my son again. Sometimes my son could be such a liar too so I never know how much of what he is telling me is true or not. He is like his father. Sorry to say. Anyhow he says his father called the Journal News where he use to work here in NY to try to get his job back cause he wants to come back to NY; he cant adapt to Florida with low paying jobs but his job said they are going out of business. Poor baby. I would die if he comes back to ny and with HER? Hell no. I hope he stays in Florida till he dies

I can understand your anger - but your children are not "boys" they are men - 20 and 21. I know to you they will always be your "boys" but don't let that change the fact that healthy boundaries means that their relationship with their father is NONE of your business. The fact that you are angry about this indicates that you still have boundary issues. As long as you hang on to that anger and desire to control the situation your ex still has control over you.

I agree. My kids (16 and 21) are in the same boat. I left their alcohol-abusing father due to his extreme anger issues after 24 years of marriage. They know how he is, that he never really had much to do with them the whole time they were growing up. Now he wants a relationship with them. I don't discourage; I simply remind them that he is who he is; he's not going to change, so they need to accept him for who he is and spend time with him, or not, accordingly. I don't force it, nor to I try to put a damper on it. My STBX is finally coming around to the understanding that he can't act like an ass around them or they won't come around. Duh! I take comfort in the fact that they tell me what a jerk he is, and can only take him in small doses. And especially that they understand why we left and they are good with it. That's the best thing for me to know, that I made the right decision for all of us. I don't want my kids going into adult relationships thinking our marriage is how it is supposed to be. That would be so sad. Daughter (21) is already somewhat of a doormat in relationships. That hurts the most. Son is more like his father (sadly), but I'm hoping he'll get a different perspective after not being around the jerk so much.

It's hard to let the kids be around someone you know isn't good for them, but they have to find that out for themselves.

I guess the reason i get so angry even now is because my ex blames me because his life didnt turn out so well. How the hell does he figure that one out? He told my son i screwed up his life financially. Oh well; who was the one that committed adultery here and left his job and NY to move to Florida with her? I certainly didnt make that decision for him nor did i drive the plane he was on when he left. He needs to face up to what he has done and stop blaming everybody else for his fu....ked up life.