At this stage of the game, for me anyway, I've found it best to eliminate as much chit-chat as possible. We're in the midst of the legal stuff, so it's not like there's a chance we will every get back together, I would never want that, ever. Too much tension can turn conversations that were meant to just be casual into an attack, or perceived attack.

If you know you're headed for divorce, cut out small talk. Limit conversation to the kids, the house, the bills. If you're in that in-between stage where you don't know what's going to happen with your marriage, well that's just hell. Keep your head held high and just move through it as fast as you can.

Congatulations on the success with exercise and diet. Watch yourself though, you do have to remember to eat! And don't worry about posting every day, we all have that stupid stuff that happens that we have to get out of our heads. I write mine down in a daily journal.

Thanks jojored. I am in that in-between place, where I still think there's a tiny sliver of hope. Probably just being dumb, but I really want to make this work for not only me and her, but for the kids as well. Divorce is likely, I think, but not impossible to avoid at this point. Some days are better than others, and some days I believe her, and some days I don't. The evidence seems to point to her being unfaithful, which if that were the case, I'd be ready to move on already, and I have told her as such.

The funny thing is, when I try to cut out small talk, she goes on long diatribes, and when I want to go into more detail, she clams up. I feel like I can't win, and I feel unbelievably dumb for wanting this to work. I mean, with the way everything has gone down, I should want out of this marriage. I can do better, and I think she knows that as well. Yet, I can not pull myself away. I still love her with all of my heart, and can't bear the thought of being without her, even though I know that this is where we are likely headed. Even though things look so bleak, every single instinct I have says to fight, and fight until there is no fight left. Problem is, I'm not sure how much fight I have left. I feel so defeated every single day. I want to work on me, and be there for the kids, and let the chips fall where they may. It's so difficult.

Did you say you've tried marriage counseling? I think that's the only way you're going to know if there is anything worth saving. You need someone in the middle to help clear the junk out of the way so you to can really talk.

I waited WAY TO LONG for marriage counseling. Things were already dead and burried. But it helped me understand the whys and hows and from then on I knew what the right thing for our family was.

This sounds exactly like my situation! Accept the inevitable and take care of yourself for you and your kids! Hang in there.

We are going to a counseling session together on Tuesday morning. Not a marriage counselor by trade, she is my wife's therapist, and she has seen couples together before. I had to pull teeth to even get my wife to agree. I think she's doing it to just say she did it, and then be done with me. Really having a bad day today. Texted her after our little spat this morning, and she was very short with me. I was trying to be communicative and she wrote back with "Thanks. I'll text you when I get to New Jersey to let you know I made it there ok." I have to back off completely. I just do. As they say, if you love someone, set them free. Just knowing I have to do that and still keep in constant contact with her because of the children makes it a million times more difficult.

Yes, about the "set them free", but you'd only be doing that to benefit HER. You have children, you have your own needs too. You're being tortured by the unknowns. Do the best you can in the Tuesday session, although I'd be a little apprehensive going to someone who has worked exclusively with your wife, but if that's all you can get right now, so be it. I'd fear there might be a bias on the counselor's part toward your wife (shouldn't be, as she/he's a professional). Maybe in the session suggest that you two see a specialist in marriage counseling, someone the therapist can recommend. See how your wife reacts to that. Will she react differently in front of her own counselor? How might her counselor address that reaction. This is a time to keep your ears open and your wits about you.

Great suggestion. The counselor apparently told my wife that she's there to listen, and not to judge, for her or me. I hope that's true, but asking for a recommendation for a marriage counselor with that counselor sounds like an excellent way to figure out just how my wife feels, as I will be able to see an instant reaction, in front of her counselor. I am definitely not feeling very confident that much of anything will come out of Tuesday's meeting. I think she's just going through the motions so that when the divorce comes up, she can say she "tried everything". Just in a very bad place right now. Really thought I would be able to look at this through another perspective, one where I understood she is all wrong for me (and I for her), and that this would be a good thing for everyone, but I just can't do it.