Because it's easy, entertaining and it's soothing to him. The person that doesn't want the relationship also deals with grief, might not be as bad as yours but is still grief. They will do and say things that will throw you off and keep you in a limbo and a lot of it has to do with them going through a transition in which they are using you to get over to a better place, in many cases is not even intentional, it's simply what people do - it's easier for him to use you than to completely pull the plug and hurt, people love running from pain, yet by doing that they are causing more.

You are in a way running from pain by holding on to a relationship that no longer "is" but letting go requires you facing your fears and pain and we do not like doing that.

You are having trouble accepting that he has someone new - that is why you tell him "we can no longer ride together" - you are hoping for a reaction from him.

In my opinion, it's time for you to have a conversation about boundaries with your ex. These convos require us being clear and firm - are you ready for that? - If you aren't attending counseling - please do. You have wasted 3 years in a limbo - your energy sounds like you'll spend another 3 years if you don't finally find the courage to end the uncertainty.

So sorry for how you feel - feelings suck - sometimes we have to function with our brains.

he appears to be looking for your permission or blessing that all of this is "okay" because the worst part for him is over.

But that's not your problem anymore. A stern conversation about boundaries is the right thing.

Telling him you can no longer ride together (as painful as that is) is a great start at boundaries. Things are NOT OKAY, so there is no use in pretending that they are or being confined in a car with someone who hurt you so badly. You need to spend time in safe spaces where you can breathe or cry or break down...whatever you need to do.

Do what you need to do to cope with your new reality and everyone else (aside from your kids of course) can wait on the other side. Now is about you.

I attend consuling every week. I also have joined the gym to help with my anxiety. I know the relationship is over. And I have begin to move forward as hard as that is. Ihave spoke to him many times about boundaries. And we will keep to it, then after a little bit, he seems to find a reason to contact me. Like the other day, his reason for calling me was that he needed to know what size shirt our daughter wears. Our daughter is 17- and easly give him that answer. Then once we are on the phone, he starts with the What have you been up to? How are you? He even suggested that he was thinking of asking me to go on a vaction with him next month to see his family. I just confused

It is natural for you to be confused as it is and he's doing a great job and confusing you further. The only person that can un-confuse you is you. HOW? - by ending the talks and the interactions, by telling him clearly that you do not wish to speak about anything but the children - you must do this firmly because he is not taking you seriously. Your confusion has lasted a long time and it will continue because you talk about it but you are not stopping it. His actions and words are leading you to think that he wants you - but he's seeing someone else and that's the action that is speaking louder than anything he's telling you. We can all on here agree that he seems to want to be around you and talk to you - but since you all have been separated for 3 years and he now has a new woman - what does it matter to agree that he seems to be sending mix signals? - I think that's obvious - he's sending mix signals and confusing everybody - but he also has a new woman and freely flirting with his EX and keeping her strung. At this point, three years of this - he must be having fun w/the whole thing and feeling very cute right about now - a new woman and an EX who's crazy about him - imagine that.

Are you able to see this? - if so, how are you going to end it?

I can so see it. I know you are right. I have tried to cut all contact, since our daughter is 17, he can speak to her. But I get so far, then he reaches out, and I am like- Wait.... What is he trying to say. The fact that he even thought I would go see his family with him is crazy to me. My therapist says that even though the relationship is over, we both are having problems letting go. And I would prob agree. I know I am stronger than this. He tells me whenever we speak that he is not happy. You would think I would get it through my head, that he doesn't want to be happy with me.

This is happening to me too. I think boundaries could work, but it will be hard.