Run! run run run! He's in about stage 2 of turning into a wife beater.

You don't have to know why. Don't agonise over the fact that 'if only he would just..' he ain't gonna. If he was going to be reasonable and fair, he would already be reasonable and fair.

You do NOT want your daughter raised in an abusive home. Get out while you're still young and beautiful and can meet some nice man and have another shot at things. Before the hitting starts. Before he breaks your face.

Hi,

Most likely, I would not want to tell people how to live their life, but I find the biggest problem coming from a women is that she think she could fix her partner. Therefore, I would not recommend you to help him if he isn't helping himself enough to change the way he behave. Judging from your description (I hope I'm not offending you when I say this...), I feel like you are marrying a boy, because a man know not to cross the line by disrespecting, accusing, verbally abusing, etc. A man don't kiss your lip and abuse you with his sharp tongue. No, a man make sure that your lipstick gets all messed up and not your mascara. And most definitely, a man don't use his hand to ever disrespect and abuse a women. Nah, a man would use that to caress a women's body. So if he isn't treating you right, he could sit his butt down and another man would show him what he would lose.

I get that you want what is best for your child, but trust me, that is not what your child would want. I know I do not have the right to speak for your child, but I understand this situation, because I am the result of an abusive relationship. I know what it's like and it really causes a big damage. Don't ever put your child in that position, because this could cost her her life. Don't allow her to struggle with the abusing going on between you and your spouse. Moreover, don't let him ever dare to verbally and physically abuse her. I do understand that because of what you go through, you don't want your daughter to experience what you've experienced. However, I thought the same way as you do, but it's better to do what's best for you and your daughter. She doesn't need all of the fighting and disrespecting. It would only make her learn the bad behavior, feeling confuse and mad inside, etc. So like what you have stated, divorce while you can.

And like the singer, K Michelle said, "If his momma couldn't do it, what makes you think you can train a boy to be a man, it's too late. Better off letting him go. No matter how hard you try, you can't raise a man."

I understand that it isn't easy at all to leave, because sometime the battle between your heart and your head could leave you having one foot in and one foot out. However, I do hope you are making the right decision which is best for you and your child. I am not telling you to stay or leave, because in the end, I know it is your decision, but I do want you to know that he doesn't seem like a man in my eyes. Reason I say this is because I know that when you're in love, you bait with your heart and not your head. Therefore, we would tend to think with our heart and not let our eyes see the things that we are afraid to see. One thing I have learned, don't ever doubt your instinct, because women's have the strongest instinct ever! So follow your gut and listen to what it's telling you. The signs are written all over the wall, so you will come to a decision.

I hope you get out of the mess and find happiness and healthy relationship. Remember to never settle for less. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Take care.

Thank you all so much for your advice. Very right you all are. Especially about the instinct. And yes thats exactly how i feel, like i am raising a child. It really hurts. He has never initiate any physical abuse but he has tormented me once to the point where i got mad explosive and attack him. He try to restrained me. But after i was so ashamed i lose my cool. As it was within that time period he called me a whore and a slut. And kept accusing me. I know i cant help him, not anymore. But how do i handle this feeling of failure both to myself and my child? It took a while for me to realize we are going in circles. Family look up to me, how do i tell them the
man i am married to have been mentally abusing me and calling me names

Wow@HUMBLEcomeswithMYSTERY you mention something i never realized. Later he may mentally abuse the child too:-( if he doesnt get help. I could not see it before because currently he is so good with her. But i have seen him look at her in a way that displeases me very much before. Not sure how to explain it. He sometimes looks at me with disgust and i though i do not internalize it, it still hurts a little. I feel so hated. So much i have done and given for him. So much i have been illtreated:-(

Going to try my best to find ways how to say no and remain firm. Everytime i decide we should be friends he says ok, then start to be harsh and stern in his replies. Which progress to illtreats. Then he continues until it forces a argument/confrontation so we can "talk things out" ...which leads us back to square one and later the cycle repeating... So much things beyond my control why i cant abruptly leave.

One thing for certain, my eyes are never left dry after his episodes of accusations...As my entire soul weeps. I am anticipating my leave after i can... Wont be until next year september