Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Confused Catwoman

Belle2
Belle2

I've had 3 relationships since my divorce (which was in 02').  The first one the guy cheated on me. The 2nd, I had moved away to a different state moved away from my family and pretty much gave up everything for him.  I felt like he took our relationship me for granted and since I moved in the romance left, the talking went out the window, and the intimacy was pretty much gone.  The 3rd relationship, lasted 5months and was going so good. I felt like I had purpose again and was so happy, he was sending so many mixed signals that he wanted this but yet on the other hand sent signals that he didn't.  So confusing he even had given me a key to his house which he takes a lot of pride in as he just bought it solely by himself this past year.  He said that because I wanted to talk he felt that I was pushing him away and at one point he said that it was starting to feel real and that he didn't know how to act that this actually felt like a normal relationship and he didn't know how to handle it.  I miss him I look at every white truck and see if it is him, yet I think that he really isn't for me. Although, if he came over and wanted to talk I probably would take him back as the first 3months were awesome and we had a lot of fun together but again what new relationships aren't fun in the beginning.  I feel like I want to have a relationship to feel safe with, share things with, and just don't want to be alone, not saying that I can't be alone I just don't want to be alone that I may settle with someone that I'm really not compatible with.  I'm just so confused and afraid that I am going to end up being the lonely catwoman. :(

jojored
jojored
You said it, you're settling for guys who aren't right for you in order to not be alone. Understandable, but this does lead to heartache. You know that you have to wait to find the right person, so in the meantime you have to be OK with who you are. I was 25 when I got married to the wrong guy. Stuck it out for 3 decades and now (duh) realize he was a guy who was not good for me.
Belle2
Belle2
I feel like I'm finally starting to realize that's what I've been doing but now moving forward I'm really scared I'll continue. I'm going to be 50 years old this year and don't want to be alone.
onedayatatimeforme
onedayatatimeforme
I understand how you are feeling, as my stbx is asking to work on the marriage and put the divorce on hold, It is easy to say yeah sure lets work on it but I will not work on it unless I see change so for the time being the divorce is going forward until I see change. I do not want to be alone I am 47 years old and I have never been with another man except for my husband and we have been married for 24 years that was not happy and touch and go and a lot of broken promises. I can see myself as visiting my kids and living with my cats alone, but I would rather visit my kids and live with just my cats than to be in a relationship that I am not happy . Who is to say you can't be happy and alone, there are family, friends perhaps co workers. I am afraid of dating as there are spooky people out there that are just like my stbx but ya know if god wants me to be in a relationship it will happen when the time is right and I trust gods judgment. If god has me as staying with my husband and we live happy then god will show me the proof. Even if you don't believe in god things happen for a reason and maybe this is not the time for you to be in a relationship until you have a healthy relationship with yourself first. Stop depending on someone else to make you happy and you make yourself happy. If you keep looking for someone to fill in your gap then that is all they are is a fill in and not the real thing. Would you rather wait for the real thing while being healthy with yourself or would you rather have a fill in and deal with the heart breaks in between and put you back to where you are now ?
Belle2
Belle2
Your so right. But I feel like I am okay to be by myself. Maybe I'm kidding myself, I just yearn for a healthy relationship. I probably sound so silly and typing these words makes me feel like I am fooling myself. I can give such great advice to my friends but have a hard time when it comes to me! I don't understand why I attract the needy, selfish, controlling men.
fluf
fluf
I'm sorry to hear about your past relationships.No matter what has happen you are a valuable person and are worth someone appreciates you and committed to you.But regardless of any future relationship ship live positive and expect change to come to you.
sarah21
sarah21
I feel like I am the same at the minute. I have had crap relationships where they have just beat me black and blue or controlled me. And I have shown my daughter that path. She doesn't trust men. She's shut off. It's really hard. Thinking of it every minute of every day. All his stuff is still here as well. Could you not try writing him a letter to tell him how you feel? It might help you as well. I hope you sort it and feel better soon.
Belle2
Belle2
I feel like I'm just waiting for something to change. I don't know what it is going to take for me to stop letting myself get hurt. The guy that I have been with comes right out and says to me that he's not emotionally strong enough to be with someone. Although, in the same breath he wants to continue to hang out with me. I had gotten a message from an old friend and he said he was going to be in town and wanted to know if we could hang out. And that's what they guy said that I've been seeing. I ended up sending him a letter while my son was in the hospital and told him everything that was on my mind and he texts back and says sorry I'm such an asshole. He says I'm pushing him away because I want to talk, well you can't be in a relationship and not talk. And than in the next breath he says he misses me. He has/is giving me so many mixed signals I feel like I know what I need to do, but am having a hard time making that step. Why do relationships have to be so hard. ugh!!
mirandac
mirandac
I am not ready for a new relationship, i need
To heal me from the inside out. I am not lonely
And anxious as i was in the beginning.

I am a lot more comfortable with just me now,
Self love takes a lot of work. Without that you
Can find another bad one if you have in the past.
History often repeats itself until you are healed.
HUGS
Belle2
Belle2
Well we ended up seeing each other and we actually talked and he had confided in me that he felt things were getting serious between us and that scared him and he don't know if he is ready for something serious as love but also said that "not that it won't ever happen" He said he really missed me and was very sorry how he acted and treated me. In the past with relationships I have moved to fast and this time I want to take it slow to see if this is really what I want. I know who I am as an individual and know that I am happy with myself. I just need to find the right one that I can be ME with. Maybe he is it maybe he isn't, I do know that I have strong feelings for him. Taking it one day at a time!!
mirandac
mirandac
My one suggestion is hopefully you are seeing a
therapist To help you work thru these issues. Many
Times its what we know and what we keep finding
Over and over again. I am 60 and i am not interested
In finding a mate until i am healed, whole and in an
Emotionally healthy place. HUGS