My wife did the same thing to me. Don't feel like you are the only one to experience this. We were/are married for 14 years with two kids. People seem to be able to fall out of love, and when that happens, they feel its ok to destroy their spouses life. And destroy the family. I guess they think that if they are not happy, then no one else can be happy and they must make the family feel sad. In our culture, marriage is considered temporary by many. "To love and to hold, until I am bored and then its good bye" is the new vow. It is just mean and evil and human nature by many to be cruel with out remorse.

I am going through the same thing with my wife after 18 years and two daughters. She won't do therapy so I do it alone, take my meds and pray. It all sounds the same as what you are going thru. Please take of yourself and your kids. Hang in there,

My heart goes out to both of you hearing your stories. I initially was on the other end of your situations to start. I initially started the separation conversation with my husband after 17 years of marriage because I thought that was the only option to find peace. He wanted to work on things and was not for this at all. We had struggled on and off with problems for 10 yrs or so. He became very angry and resentful due to the situation and felt like I could not reason with him on anything because he was beside himself. We started with the proceedings and after a gigantic reality check I realized there was so much more we could do to work on the marriage. "Love never dies a Natural Death" Neither had moved out or filed. I had become very weak in the marriage and just broke. after 2 months of journaling I realized I equally failed this marriage and would be the biggest mistake of my life to walk away. there was still so much love that was deep in the crevices of my heart. A man I admired and looked up to somehow fell to pieces. I'm trying to keep faith as he is numb, still angry and almost hopeless to saving it now. I'm shattered and buried in guilt and pain. I feel emotionally unstable and sometimes unable to bear the pain. I'm starting to believe some of this stemmed from my absent father growing up. I absolutely did not fall out of love, just became numb to my feelings and hit a wall. Neither seemed to have answers on how to fix things. With time and space I have a revived strength and will remain faithful. I'm also starting therapy next week. I hope your situations work out for the best and wish you much peace and happiness.

I feel for you. I am going through something similar - my wife wants to separate so she can straighten out her life and live again. She's in therapy. I've just started therapy. What's clear is that she is in the midst of a major depression to which she's refusing meds and is convinced she can work out on her own. The reality is she doesn't have good feelings about herself and is incapable of having any feelings for me.

Have you or your husband considered that he may be depressed and incapable of loving you or himself right now?

Yes when I pressed him further he said that he is not happy with how his work is going. He is self employed and feels he can do more and achieve more if only he wasn't so comfortable in the life that I provided the family since I am the one with the stable job and income. But he insists that he just doesn't love me anymore either so it's not worth working at it. I am just devastated but trying so hard to be strong for the kids. He is a great dad and the kids adore him and he keeps on telling me he wants to continue being partners raising the kids. But every time he says those things I''m left wondering what about me? When did I become unimportant?

He sounds like he's out of touch with himself, and if he isn't even willing to try to figure things out, it's a lost cause, IMO. Sounds like my life. Stbx has zero ability to communicate. I held on for YEARS because of t-h-e k-i-d-s. Those years are lost years to me, and what a poor example of marriage we presented to the kids.

Funny, how your husband put the blame on you for his unhappiness with his work. Because you're successful, he's not pushing for his own career? Blame shifting, much? I receive blame for all sorts of things that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Please don't beat your head against the wall for too long.

Going through the same exact thing with my wife of 14 years, also with two kids. Scary how similar the situation is that so many of use are in. She fell out of love, refuses joint therapy, is doing this to make her happy, etc. My wife told me she saw a realtor today. She'll be moving out with the kids, as I refuse to leave our house. Not even willing to try is the worst. We.'re both in individual counseling, and I will continue with that. She also has daddy issues.

My husband probably has a lot of issues that has nothing to do with me either. His parents divorced when he was 7 and his dad moved out of the country so he saw him once a year. I've asked him how that made him feel now that he's a father and very involved with the kids and he seems to always be fine with it. But maybe this is why he thinks all this is ok - his dad left so can he. Where I come from my parents fought a lot and threatened to leave but they stuck it out. I just don'5 get that you can abandon a marriage with children so easily.

I'm in a similar situation, too - Almost 21 years of marriage, one 16 year old. My husband left 3 years ago, out of the blue, and then we reconciled several months later. Did joint counseling for several sessions, then kind of drifted away from that. Somehow, we drifted apart again, and instead of trying counseling again, he says he's changed a lot and we are different people, etc. I was blindsided the first time he left and was so broken. I am trying really hard to be strong and stay focused on what is best for our child. It is just devastating to have a marriage end, and a family broken apart. Family is the most important thing! I so wanted to give our child a wonderful family life. I pray a lot and truly believe God will get me through this. I also pray that through this darkness, light will come, and, possibly, peace and a better life.
I pray for all of us going through this incredibly difficult time.

Hello, it sounds like a tough place. My ex communicated the same way in saying there was no romance anymore and that it was too late to fix. We were not intimate for many months before, and before that we were spending less and less time together. I too don't understand though that after such a long period of time that feelings just become disconnected. How long have we been giving love to someone who hasn't received or noticed it? This may never get an answer, but have comfort in knowing you aren't alone. We can't force someone into a situation they have decided to quit working toward and we can't learn to love ourselves until we realize it's too painful to love someone who has turned off emotions from us.

Thank you for all your replies. I have logs of moments where I just start crying but now I'm concerned for my kids. He spent all weekend working and left yesterday to visit his grandfather. Kids keep on askinv where dad is. I just don't know what to say. He loves you guys but can't be around me! It's just so hardshards!!

I used to wonder the same thing when my parents divorced but it's gonna be ok

I feel your pain. Due to who we are we can never understand how and why they leave. My husband left because he doesn't feel the same about me and if he stayed I would be misersble. We built a life together and he just decided he's out. I'm sorry we are all here.

Ouch! we can be so busy in the daily drudge, we forget how to share fun times with our partners - Once they've met someone else, or the thought of someone else fulfilling that bond, they switch off...

It's like 'Invasion of The Body Snatchers', the person you knew and loved, is now an alien who spits venom and lies.

Be strong and pull the family together as much as possible for support, love and strength.