I have been in a relationship with my partner forn 5 and a half years. Like any couple we have had our rocky patches and I agree I'm not the easiest but I've never loved someone more than I have him. At this current moment I feel worthless and that I have no one to talk to for the embarrassment of the situation happening to me is something I would rather people who don't know me than people who do give me feedback. I physically can't type faster than what my brain is telling me to. Numerous things have happened over the years in the beginning i would find he's had 20 plus boys searched every night in his phone he told me he didn't know how it kept showing up when it wasn't him. 2 he was interested in this hairdresser who he admitted he fancied and we came back from a trip to London and on his pay pal was only fans payment he had subscribed to this mams only fans and told me he didn't then he said he did but it was only £1 and then a year or so later I got it out of him that it £10.... another time I was in his salon on a Saturday went on his phone and it was like the universe trying to show me something I opened his phone and a what's app photo of a man holding his penis came up and quickly disappears it had obviously been deleted he had no idea neither did I that that was going to happen he told me panicking he didn't know what it was and to take his car out for the day. Later On he told me that someone had messaged him someone who had his number from years ago back when he was on Grindr anyway my parter  said the chat went as followed..... hey you okay and he said who's this and then the photo was sent And my partner replied fuck off and deleted him. But the reason he didn't tell me about it is because he didn't want to upset me and I did try downloading the backup what's app chat but nothing was on there before it was backed up he must have deleted the chat he always swore to me that he did nothing wrong. He's a very loving boy and he comes from a broken family and says he would never do such a thing. Lots of things have happened, it's hard to get him to want to have sex with me... he's always tired or not feeling well and when I speak to my friends about there boyfriends they all say they are always up for it, well what's wrong with me ? Why can't I be in that same situation. 5.5 years is a long commitment. Recently he's been liking this photos of a boy who he says he only follows because he's in a long term relationship and it's good to see another gay couple from local doing things and being romantic and when I said you don't even know him you only know him because he works in the local supermarket he says that it's because he was friends with someone who my partner used to be friends with and only follows him because like I said it's nice to see a gay couple doing things, which I don't understand because we always do things when I can get him on want to without forcing him. He's not into me anymore he makes out he is. And every time he's has done this to me he kills me I already feel worthless and then I'm just supposed to forget it. It breaks my heart because I couldn't imagine not being in love with him. But also I don't want to progress in my head because he will hurt me like he promised before he wouldn't. 

over the years every time he has followed another boy that he doesn't know or likes a photo he always has a story for it like he just wants to be that person and that person is inspirational I fall for it every time. And I'm the one who's to scared to bring it up and when I do he's the angry one and I'm the One who is upset.

I just don't know what to do, I feel so in love with him and like I even look for things for us at the moment and I can't because I physically can't get out of my head that he could lie to me just to make it seem easier for him self was the time I found that penis on WhatsApp a lie ? because what are the genuine chances of that happening a mobile phone glitching and showing me something that I don't want to see someone help me I've got nobody