Forgive me if i babble but i have a lot to say and hope it all comes out right. I was in a relatioship with this man for over 3 years. I moved in with him after dating for a year. Packed up and moved across the country to live with him. Within the first three weeks of me living there with him i found out he was on tinder actively. When i confronted him about it he denied it "what is tinder i have never heard of it before" then the story turned and he got mad at me, for what i dont know nor do i understand, but he got mad at me and stormed out of the house because i confronted him about tinder. We would fight on and off, but we had our good times too. We had an issue with communicating. He hated that i had feelings or that i would try to share them with him. I was never alowed to be upset about anything. If me lied to me i was not alowed to be upset because to him it was just annoying. So i would get critisized and put down for being emotional. I was called immature, stupid, no common sense etc etc. Every time i would pack up my car to leave him he would cry and tell me how sorry he was, and he was so stupid. So, i would stay. Just to deal with the same stuff about a week later. Whenever i woke up that morning i never knew who i would get, mean jerk or nice guy. it was never the same. If i needed something from him or asked him to do something for me, he would do it, but i would hear about it. For two years i was not alowed to be me. I could not cry, i could not speak my mind, my feelings or anything. If something was wrong, he would ask me. I would tell hhim im fine because i didnt want to get yelled at. He would then tell me he is asking because he cares and he wants me to be ok. So, i would tell him and eh would yell at me anyway for "having emotions". What really broke me was two months ago he cheated on me. I woke up to him talking on the phone and walking down the stairs. I asked who it was and he walked away from me saying "don't worry about it". It was his "ex gf". I say the term losely because he knew her for 16 years only on the phone. She lives in another state and he went to see her once about ten years ago. She is also married with children. And has been for 16 years. The only address she has ever given him was a po box address. So, after i found out she called of course i was angry and i lost it. I was so hurt and so angry. He promised he was not talking to her and it was one call. I found out when we were going to a meeting that he was talking to her for four days after. Telling her he loved her and missed her and i was going out of town soon so she could come up and see him or he could go down there to see her, either way i wasnt going to be there. I was going out of state because my brother was having surgery! To shorten it up a bit, he drove me across country in my car to see my family and my brother. the plan was he would drop me off and come pick me up in two weeks. So i didn't bring everything with me. He told me not to. After he flew back home, i have not hheard back from him. At all. I call, no answer. i text no answer. He just dumped me off at my families house and that was that. He is a jerk. i deserve better. I should have mustered up te courage to just leave him long ago. I never could. I never felt like i was worthy of better. He beat me down so much emotionally i lost myself and my self worth. So, here i am alone and confused. I dont understand how anyone could be that cruel. I was just dumped off. My stuff is not here. no explanation, no closure no goodbye. just silence. And it is killing me.