Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ninetyone 04/21/2015

So things have been going well between my ex fiancee and I. He is coming to visit next saturday and we are going to hang out for the day. He wants to take things slowly which I feel like we both need. This is really nice because we are rebuilding our relationship and slowly fixing our problems. For example, we are learning how to communicate. I sense an improvement.

Here is where I am unsure of the situation. I feel very weird about going from engaged back to basically "talking and dating." And both our families don't think we are a good match for each other even though we love each other deeply. My mom definitely hates him and doesn't even know that we are currently talking. His parents know and haven't said anything but I don't know if they know how close we are getting again. Another problem is we are going for our masters, we would be having a long distance relationship which will make it harder to stay strong.

So I need some opinions. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? Is it weird to go back to an ex fiancee/fiance and start over the relationship? Should I talk to him about getting married before we both start school? I can't move in with him unless we are married which complicates things even more..

Please give me helpful advice! Thank you

stillbitterjaded 04/21/2015

I've not, but I'm a very strong believer in trying to make sure your relationship is saved is possible.

Families against the other person will certainly make it difficult, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Taking it slow, talking, dating sounds like a real positive move.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

CopingJust 04/21/2015

from an outside perspective - the writing is on the wall with this one. Your break up was awful. he was awful. Your families hate the thought of you together. You have compatibility issues. he was VERY clear that he was done with you - and not in a nice way at all.

Now you add trying to rebuild, with long distance, and Masters studies....and the very shaky ground you're already on.

Does not bode well for success.

clinging to things like this - can really waste years of your life, take a huge toll personally and emotionally, not to mention financially.

Wanting it for the sake of wanting it - is a pretty common thing in life - but it comes at an enormous cost. If you're willing to pay the piper - have at it - but you're going to be spending a lot of time "saving" something that probably won't work out anyway. You might get a couple of months out of it - that would be good....you might limp along for a couple of years.......that would be bad in terms of the time you're wasting.

why can't you just work on being friends for a year - while you're both studying. talk, see how things go, see other people.....rather than forcing a dead horse to run. If you're still this desperate to make it work in a year - then go for it. If not - you just saved yourself a whole heap of heart ache.

ChiTownBear 04/21/2015

I am sure its going to be hard to separate how the relationship was to how it now is. There may be times where one or the other will cross the line because of familiarity from the pervious relationship. But as you clearly said and know, you are rebuilding and working towards even being able to communicate as two people let alone as a couple. So to me, taking things slow is a good idea and one you made need to mentally and actively practice in order to truly be able to work through not only relationship issues you two may have, but any issues you have individually with the kind of relationship you want or need. So taking things slow is good, but I do not believe that would include a talk about marriage.

I also think the distance will pose a force as well. There will be insecurities given past issues from the prior relationship, the fact you two are so far apart and can you really "believe in" what you have is strong enough to weather the school, time and distance?

I think its a lot to take on as you are also trying to rebuild your relationship with him. I would tailor back your expectations at this time until you are both on a more solid ground with not only your thoughts on your relationship, but in life, school and family as well.

Take things one step at a time. Build a foundation that will last for yourself, whether you and he are together in the end or not.

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