Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years. He proposed a couple years ago. I had no idea of his plans and was very shocked and felt sick. I’m in my twenties and he’s mid thirties. His intention was to get married soon after the proposal but said he’d wait until I was ready emotionally. It’s not that I didn’t want to marry him, it’s that I have personal issues I want to resolve. I gave him a timeline. Everything started going downhill about a year ago. It’s like when things are good, I have doubts about marrying him and I push him away. When things are bad, I desperately need his affection. We’ve tried counseling but only a few times. I know I love him, I just have issues within myself. He’s moving out but we are not ending things. This will be the determining factor of whether we breakup or fix our relationship. I realize I have done things to get to this point and living together is going to push us further away. I’m confused and hurt. I have doubts about how he can be there emotionally and supportively the rest of my life. We used to have a wonderful relationship before he proposed. I’m just so undecided and don’t know where to go from here. It’s painful and feels like the end. I made a therapy appointment to deal with my emotions. It’s just so confusing.
I wish my wife would have thought about it more. When we were first together she wanted to marry me very soon. I at the time was in an industry that demanded a lot of my time. She knew this before moving in with me. Well 14 years and two kids later she moved out and is trying to find her happiness. She blames a lot of it on my career and how that came before her. When in actuality I was trying my hardest because all I wanted to do was to take care of her.
Long story short, get married for the right reasons. Take time...you have plenty of it.
To see a woman I love dearly move out and break up the family so she can find her “happiness” is ridiculous to me. Prior to kids that’s when that should have been done. When kids come around I’m sorry but individual happiness gets lowered on priority list in my eyes. These children need us. We need to shape their lives. It’s a lot harder to do that co-parenting then together in one household.
Best of luck to you.
My ex-fiance had the same situation. When we were dating, we both knew that we were soulmates, meant to be, could finish each other's thoughts, knew wha the other was feeling. Knew we wanted to get married and the relationship would last forever.
But as soon as he proposed, he started pushing me away, questioning us, wondering if he is emotionally ready for a committed relationship. He knew he had abandonment issues from his past, his father walking out on his mother, sister and he.
We tried the taking it slow. We tried the living separate locations to give him space to figure himself out.
We broke up, went back together. It became a repeat cyclical rollercoaster ride each time he got too close. He kept saying it wasn't me, it was him. He knew he was messed up and even started therapy again.
His therapist finally told him that he needed to focus on himself first before bringing anyone into his life. His fear of being abandoned, or 'hurt' by me was the reason he continually pushed me away and created his own conflict in his relationship. The old believe is that if you push someone away first, you are in charge and dictate when and how much you are going to get hurt.
It sounds like that is what you are also doing with your fiance. I would suggest continuing therapy, not just a few times as a quick fix. My therapist said it's like putting a bandaid on a bleeding gash instead of a papercut. It's temporary and bare fix. Eventually the dam will break.