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Confused

wifeykrissy
wifeykrissy

So, I'm really torn.  My husband is an alcoholic and pain pill taker (for his back).  His drinking has not been an issue for the past 4 months (he switched from vodka to beer) but i just feel like something is not right.  Our 1 year anniversay is in a couple weeks and we have been together over 4 years.  We have been doing really well, actually, except that I really want to be a mother.  He has 2 boys that i love but I have always wanted one of my own.  He knew this when we got married and I knew that he didn't want more kids.  He feels like he's too old (he's almost 48) and he wants to live his life.  I have tried many times to get past this urge but I just can't.  Recently he told me "lets have a baby" and i was in heaven; so happy.  I waited a couple days and asked him again, if I should get my IUD out.  He said yes and was even talking to me about baby names.  So, then he wouldn't have sex with me and was very distant.  I could tell he had changed his mind....again.  We have talked about it and I just don't know.  I am almost 39 so I don't have much time left and lately I've been having these feelings like I don't even want to be married anymore.  I love him but honestly, his drinking and pill popping has been an issue for a very long time.  Can the fact that I'm not on birth control anymore make me have these type of feelings? (hormones?) i just don't know what to think and i don't want to hurt him.

11Christmases
11Christmases
Please don't blame yourself or your hormones! May I recommend some reading for you - "The Alcoholic Relationship Survival Guide" e-book from empoweredrecovery.com, and check out the Wives of Alcoholics discussion group here on DS. Read what others are going through with their alcoholic husbands and you'll probably feel some validation. Ponder whether you want children with him. Think about whether he'd be a good provider for your child, whether you stay married or end up divorced. If your hormones are the problem, then your feelings will change over the next few weeks.
PeteMason
PeteMason
You went into a marriage knowing that you wanted a child and he didn't, who gets the casting vote?

I would be concerned about his addictions as well, you run the risk of contracting depression because of them and, you deserve to?

At the end of the day it is your call as to whether you leave him, based on the evidence you've provided here, you do have grounds to.

Was he a drinker before you met him?

He has two children to a previous relationship I'm assuming, why did it fail do you know?
PeteMason
PeteMason
Healthy relationships/marriages are based on both parties being predominately selfless in their ways towards one another, in this marriage of yours both of you are selfless predominately in your ways towards one another? If no, and again based only upon what you have said in this post that is the answer, then one of you is a cheat, which one of you is a cheat? This is a rhetorical question, you need not answer it.

He has lied to you and, he is selfish, he either gets professional help or he risks losing you correct?

I hope I have provided you with some food for thought and, who knows, I may even be your conscience speaking to you.
angelnurse22
angelnurse22
Addictive personalities do not change without help from counseling and or religious help. Seen many breakups over this. If they do it now they always will. It won't change. Then if you bring kid's into mix they put the kids at risk with their addictions. Drinking and driving, abusing while babysitting. Not a good thing. Consider your future and your kids future before you make decision. He has to want to change and to actually change before you should make any babies. That would be stipulation.