Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
That does not sounds like ADD. The children are having difficulties associated with divorce.
I think first, you need to see if the marriage can be saved. All too often, friends tell each spouse what they want to hear and say the problems are the other's fault. A wife who is nasty and uninterested in sex is surpised her husband is having an affair. Sometimes with compromise, things can be worked out.
If not, then the couple needs to work on reducing conflict in the divorce and developing a system for taking of the children. Not infrequently, tremendous monies are spent on lawyers and arguments.
Again, friends and family fuel the fire telling each spouse they are completely right. Lawyers who do not contribute to the acrimony aare castigated; Jane, you need a tough lawyer, you have a pussycat and the other side has a tiger. You are going to have substantial expenses and need to make proper arrangements for your children's support.
Bob, you need a tougher lawyer because quite frankly your ex-wife is walking all over you. You can always give the children more but the court will make you pay what you agree even if your salary goes down. Bob, I have one friend with an ulcer from trying to make his payments, and another dropped dead from a heart attack from all the stress his ex put him through.
Sorry for venting, but try listening and compromise to maintain the marriage and if not, try the same thing to minimize acrimony in the divorce.
I think first, you need to see if the marriage can be saved. All too often, friends tell each spouse what they want to hear and say the problems are the other's fault. A wife who is nasty and uninterested in sex is surpised her husband is having an affair. Sometimes with compromise, things can be worked out.
If not, then the couple needs to work on reducing conflict in the divorce and developing a system for taking of the children. Not infrequently, tremendous monies are spent on lawyers and arguments.
Again, friends and family fuel the fire telling each spouse they are completely right. Lawyers who do not contribute to the acrimony aare castigated; Jane, you need a tough lawyer, you have a pussycat and the other side has a tiger. You are going to have substantial expenses and need to make proper arrangements for your children's support.
Bob, you need a tougher lawyer because quite frankly your ex-wife is walking all over you. You can always give the children more but the court will make you pay what you agree even if your salary goes down. Bob, I have one friend with an ulcer from trying to make his payments, and another dropped dead from a heart attack from all the stress his ex put him through.
Sorry for venting, but try listening and compromise to maintain the marriage and if not, try the same thing to minimize acrimony in the divorce.
Then he comes home less, and she's even More worn out.
Everyone retreat to their courners, point fingers, and call names....that's love....
Yeah right.
My face started TICKING from the stress of dealing with a kid with problems. It wasn't pretty.
He detached himself. I could understand Him until I was blue in the face, but that didn't help him understand Me. In fact, it left him feeling Betrayed.....he thought that I was saying that he was all right, and me all wrong....then going back to the same old thing.
It wasn't until he moved out and started dealing with the kids...both of them at the same time...that he finally understood what I was saying about them.
But by then, he'd found someone else. And our marriage was irreparably destroyed by the nasty stuff he threw at me.
I'm sure that it can go the other way around too. (Just ask Dale.)
A little Compassion, and Some Trust that your partner isn't exaggerating his/her issues. That would prevent a LOT of divorces.
When they stop being curious, stop wanting to know and see and recognize us as a person with our own experiences and feelings, then we're in trouble.
Compassion, empathy, honouring us as a sacred being, it's what we signed up for when we said our vows, but somehow, at some point, that crumbled.
"Compassion, empathy, honouring us as a sacred being, it's what we signed up for when we said our vows, but somehow, at some point, that crumbled." Hey it is tough to argue men have a secret agenda; if the average guy was interested in sex before marriage, it remained. It was the woman who changed and a number of articles written by women discuss how the childbirth prompted psychological and physical changes. The woman who is interested in the marriage would take a few minutes to satisfy her husband, as he should take the time to meet her needs in other ways.
There are some lousy men, but usually they were **** before they got married and the remained that way, despite the wife's efforts to change them.
I think men can work on compassion and empathy but that would be hard for someone who is constantly rejecting you.
Having a kid with problems is tough. Sometimes a man will bail out, but other times gender differences will aggravate the problem. A man will work on problems and what should be done, but he does not want to hear his wife constantly complain or hear that nasty somewhat sarcastic voice many women reserve for their husbands. The couple needs to work on a team.
A man's failing to see and consider his wife's feelings can be a source of problem, and I agree men need to work on that.
I did it all, and crashed into sleep the moment the kids were sent to bed. Then got woken up by him drunk coming in, and got asked for "His Name Time". That's it. And if I said no....half the time he'd turn around and go back to the bar.
Hey, I'm sure some men have had the short end of it too. But I gave until my face ticked....and then gave more.
I used to be a single parent. Now he sees the kids every other weekend.
And yeah, he was gone more than a week, when I decided to tell them he'd left.....they hadn't NOTICED because he was never home. My son's first words to me were, "You should have given him more weekends away.".......heck he was already gone most of them, I didn't have the power to add anymore into the month.
But when one spouse is turning his/her back on the family and is looking for or has found other interests that will deteriorate the family, then it should be mandatory that family counseling take place prior to attorneys being hired, and divorces being filed. A six month intense mandatory family education, parenting classes, and partner relationship workshops should all be required.
When you get married, you take vows and get a certificate. - maybe mandatory classes prior to that should be required also..easier to walk away at that point
In this disposable world we live in, it is much easier for one to walk away from a situation you no longer like then to work on it.
Working on a marriage is hard work and really not for the weak, immature and impressionable with roaming eyes.