welcome! I am so sorry you are in so much pain. It can seem like you will never make it sometimes but you will. Now as far as counseling. Most couselors offer a sliding scale. You will only pay what you can afford and they will work with you. Chruches can also offer people who can help and if you are in school your school should have one to help you in this tough time.

Hugs sweetie

Please look at what's been offered under "Recommendations."

I'll try to hyperlink for you, but can't promise results.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/recs

When you realize your self worth and that someone that would cheat on you is certainly not worth your time, that is when you will move on.....when that happens is relative to the person. I hope you find clarity soon.
Hugs to you!

Thank you for the replies. I am looking into trying to get into short term therapy that is covered here. Unfortunately, here it is very hard to get counselling covered.
I never thought of a church.
I will look at the link for recommendations.

Thank you to all.

Some churches also offer free support groups for any member of the community. I did one for 8 weeks and it was very helpful. Look around your area.
Hugs!!

I've been able to get counseling through my church and it has been helpful to me. I enjoy talking with my counselor and he helps me out a lot and really cares. You may want to try this and see if it helps. I don't have to pay any money either.

I don't know about where you are, but around here the Regional Health Unit offers free counseling, and Family and Children's Services offers counseling on a sliding scale, plus I am fairly certain Women's Shelters and local Crisis Hotlines can hook you up if you can't get it anywhere else.

Thank you for the suggestions. I will look into groups at local churches. I haven't been a real church person, but maybe it's time I start. I agree with you guys that counseling may be the only thing that will help. FInd out why I feel this way and what is my problem I can't let him go.

Joy Drop, I've been to family services years ago, but I can't get the counselor I had before. I am looking into another place that does short term but have to wait for pdoc to refer me.

Thank you everyone.

Hi, there. I am so sorry for your suffering. It is unquestionable raw, searing and most likely causing you physical pain. While to grieve for the break up of a relationship is normal - in varying degrees, as you already recognize, what is happening here is is not normal. You came to the right place and will get a ton of support, of course. Therapy is likely one of the best ways to start addressing your immediate and long-term needs. Books and other sources (like DS) are also very very helpful - it's all about a critical mass of support. This place is such a safe-heaven where our anonimity actually inspres intimacy in sharing very specific, often painful experiences right in the open. Would it help to tell you that you are on the right path? :) When we grieve for a break up we are mourning many things which have little connection to reality - it is for the idealized image of what we thought our relationship may have been, we tend to exclude painful memories and focus only on the very best times and lastly - why didn't he/she want me?! Wasn't I worth the effort?! When this sadness becomes overwhelming and begins to interrupt our ability to go on with building our own future, that is when it becomes a disruptive loop that gradually poisons and erodes relationships around us. Friends get tired of trips down the memory lane and it may even poison future relationships. All's not lost!!! If I may recommend two inexpensive books for you to dig into as you look for a therapist - "Codependent No more" (and it's follow up later) and "Getting past your break up: How to turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you" by Susan Elliott. http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top is the Amazon link where you may read reviews from others and make a decision if to order or not (also, tihnk free shipping!!). Do you know that severe grief will also make your body react and heal slower, experience more fatigue and slower recovery than if you were feeling up? We can chat directly if you want.
Bottom line - you know that you need help and have a lot of work to do. Thats a fantastic start! You are not alone, you have the benefit of great therapists' work through these books and just be open to all advice and don't be afraid to try new things. Most therapists will also suggest starting a work out regimen if you don't do it now - even walking around the block and joining support groups (see co-dependent groups in your area) . Let your endorphins and your body help you heal. As you build yourself up, in time you will feel your 'ex' fading away and let you move on with grace, optimism and a big smile on your face. I leave you, for now, with this clip of Aimee Mullins - 'The Opportunity of Adversity' - it is not long, nor does it only apply to overcoming a physical handicap or adversity - I've listened to it often of late and it leaves me ready to face a new day when I did not think that I could.. Peace. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTwXeZ4GkzI

excellent video

love a lot of the stuff on TED

devastated1965 Thank you so much for your reply. It is all so true. I will look at getting the books you mentioned and watch the link.

I'm glad that I could help a bit. :) No doubt it will be a long road ahead. It is worth it. As for the video, aside from an overall inspiration - but it all really starts to apply to all of us here at 7:20. How we go through things which challenge and sometimes floor us, what we learn in the process, change and navigate through is what can help us define the next step in our lives and make us better in the end. Right now, may be it is really tempting (just guessing, in your case) to wish that your ex would see you and yearn to be with you. Or, may be - that you'll get strong and really show him how far you've come. Let me tell you something, the real victory over this situation is when you get stronger, build up your own self respect and be all those wonderful things - but not give a rats butt what he thinks, because it's irrelevant. There are good/healthy people in our lives, and there are toxic ones. Sometimes, I feel like I've been both - though mostly good trying to figure out how I got where I did. Now, why does not matter as much as how I may approach the rest of my life. It's the tipping point where, once you reach it, it gets easier. That, I promise you. There is no greater reward when one may gain so much strength form others on DS and once in a while be able to give back. Have a good evening!

Necessary losses by Judith Viorst is a good book on "loss, love and letting go". I would suggest Divorce Care a program proposed by some churches which is free. The setting is very much like for group counseling. It was helpful to me and I am not exactly a church goer. Check out women's organizations in your area and hospices. They sometimes offer counseling. Palliative care in my area does that and it is free.