I met my husband on a Christian dating site 2 years ago. He portrayed to be this God-fearing, loving man, but that ended right after we got married. He became controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive. It felt like we was arguing everyday about something. Our arguments had gotten so bad, that I ended up calling the police 3 times. The first time being, after I had my child, he was really sick and had to have surgery at 4 weeks old. He was throwing up projectilish everywhere. He threw up so much that his stomach acid started comming up. I told my husband that we needed to take him to the hospital, but he took him out of my arms and told me that I wasnt taking him anywhere. I was not about to fight with my sick child in between us, so the only option that i had was to call the police. My husband got so mad at me, that he ignored me for a week straight. I practically had to beg him, and in doing that, my self esteem started going downhill. That was the most stressful time of my life, so i thought. Dealing with a sick child that young, arguing with your husband everyday, and feeling the symptoms of post partum coming...i felt like my mind was exploding. I tried to keep everything together, but it wasn't working. I found out that my husband was cheating on me. While I was at the hospital with my son, he was at home on the dating site that we met on, talking to another girl that he knew before me. When I found out, all I could do was cry. I confronted him about it, and all he did was call me emotional. He never showed any compassion towards me, it was always just cold hearted remarks. Everyday, the verbal abuse got stronger and stronger, and he started using more drugs and I could not take it anymore, so I left him. The cops were called again that day bc he started to get physical as I was trying to leave. I ended up moving to another city, and he went back to his home town. We were separated for awhile, but we started back talking and decided to make our marriage work again. He ended up moving to where I am, and things were good for a few days, then I noticed the same signs. I always had the instinct that he was still cheating on me, but I wanted my marriage to work so bad that I thought I could save it. I was losing myself all over again. So the last argument happened 3 days ago when I found out that he was talking to the same girl that he was before and instantly I broke down crying. I told him he needed to make a choice. Either me or her. His response was, I don't have nothing else to say, and he walked out of the room. I told him I can't do this anymore. I told him I was leaving to stay with family for the night, and we could talk about the divorce in the morning. He said i wasn't going anywhere, so he took my car keys and held me and my child hostage. He threatened to burn my car up, tear up all of my stuff and burn my house down. I was stuck in a room with him and the cops were called. They kicked my door down and arrested him, now he's in jail. I honestly don't know how to handle all of these emotions. I believe my husband suffers from a mental illness like a narcaciss. All I feel is pain. I love him so much, but it's not worth putting my child's life nor my life in danger. I really want him to get help. I feel like I will never get through this pain. I felt like I was in a movie. That was the most devastating time in my entire life. Everyone tells me to take it day by day one step at a time, and that things will get better, but I don't even have enough strength in me to lift my foot up and take a step. I cry at night while my child is sleep. I just feel so empty. I don't know where to begin. All I feel is pain.