Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Most of you know my situation. I just had the pleasure of seeing my stbx. And this is what happened and seems to always happen. I need some input on what you all think...
Most of the time we talk, we yell. He is constantly blaming me for me leaving. I accept some responsibilty, but not all. I had to have left for a reason. He only takes responsibilty for fu**ing up the finances, nothing else.
Three times over the summer I asked him to try again and he said no. I was seeing someone at the time, and would have dropped EVERYTHING to try and fix our marraige. Stbx doesnt see it that way. He says because I was seeing someone (he started seeing someone 3 months after I left), there was no way he would be willing to try again.
He says for the first 6 months after I left, HE begged me to work things out. Either I didnt see it or had my mind made up because I was so miserable and knew I had to get out.
He is always saying, in this awful tone of voice, "Oh,you're the victim". Well, arent I? I mean, he thinks because I left him, he should be the victim. He has no idea why I really left him and wont listen to why I did what I did!
He is constantly telling me I live in my own little world and make things up as I go along! I just dont get it! He tells me I am evil and a b**ch. That I dont see what the real story is. What is going on?
Am I crazy? Why does he do this to me? He is the one who is mean! He hasnt DONE anything mean to me, but the things he says are just AWFUL! Of course, I say mean things back, but dont we all retaliate?
Ok, sorry for rambling, but just dont know why I feel like I should be committed:)
Any thoughts? PLEASE!?!?
Most of the time we talk, we yell. He is constantly blaming me for me leaving. I accept some responsibilty, but not all. I had to have left for a reason. He only takes responsibilty for fu**ing up the finances, nothing else.
Three times over the summer I asked him to try again and he said no. I was seeing someone at the time, and would have dropped EVERYTHING to try and fix our marraige. Stbx doesnt see it that way. He says because I was seeing someone (he started seeing someone 3 months after I left), there was no way he would be willing to try again.
He says for the first 6 months after I left, HE begged me to work things out. Either I didnt see it or had my mind made up because I was so miserable and knew I had to get out.
He is always saying, in this awful tone of voice, "Oh,you're the victim". Well, arent I? I mean, he thinks because I left him, he should be the victim. He has no idea why I really left him and wont listen to why I did what I did!
He is constantly telling me I live in my own little world and make things up as I go along! I just dont get it! He tells me I am evil and a b**ch. That I dont see what the real story is. What is going on?
Am I crazy? Why does he do this to me? He is the one who is mean! He hasnt DONE anything mean to me, but the things he says are just AWFUL! Of course, I say mean things back, but dont we all retaliate?
Ok, sorry for rambling, but just dont know why I feel like I should be committed:)
Any thoughts? PLEASE!?!?
Man, I would have given anything if my STBX would have asked me to try to work it out and get marriage counseling; he demanded I get sex therapy (that's another story) instead.
Seriously, is there anyway you two could go to marriage counseling? Whether or not you get back together, it might be helpful to clear the air. My group leader in Divorce Care did and she said if they had the kind of communication they had in counseling the marriage might have been saved.
I wish the best for you. I wish I had some words of wisdom that would make it all go away and make it okay again. Sorry for this awful stuff you are going through. HUGS
I suggest that what you stbx is doing and has been doing is verbal abuse and you have a very typical reaction to that abuse. I highly recommend Patricia Evans book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. It's an eye opener. It describes various forms of verbal abuse and offers healthier ways to respond.
I have been where you are and one of the biggest manipulations of an abuser is to make you feel like you're the crazy one. You are NOT. Not all abuse is physical, but all abuse is just as damaging.
(((((hugs)))))
Everyone that said that fighting is a no win game! You are right on also! All the fighting does is make matters even worse and goes right back to the blame game!
No one needs to be commited, there is just so much pain in a breakup that it is hard to make sense sometimes!
Good luck!