Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Comments please... confused

Outstanding1965
Outstanding1965
I completely sympathize with you. Although mine was not out of the blue. We have been struggling for a few years with a mini separation over the summer. She said she needed space. I did find some emails between her and another guy. She claims nothing happened. Something was going on, Im just not sure how far it went.

In September she had a change of heart and decided to try to make us work. For a few weeks there really was a change. Then 6 weeks ago she stopped reiterating I Love You when I told her that. When I asked her about it, she said she doesnt know how she feels about me. She said she loves me but not like a wife should love a husband. I have backed off to give her time. Its very confusing, we do many things together, just not things by ourselves. Its with the kids or short trips to the store together.

Its 6 weeks since she told me she loves me. Even before that, she said she was just saying it to appease me. 6 weeks ago changed my life. Ive been a wreak. I miss her love we had. The problem is I still love her and want to make things work. I want to work at us and go to counseling. She says she cant handle that right now. I told her I will not push anything with us right now. I just want to get though the of the year, but come the new year we must begin to deal with us. I cant keep going on like this. The pain at times is overwhelming.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The beginning of the end is painful....the end of the end is liberating. Hang in there, which ever way it goes it sounds like you are both looking out for the kids that is impressive,and good form.

KIM
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow....I'm thinking all you really can do it give her space and time. My question is why did she come back if she didn't know how she felt about you? What happened in her life without you that made her not want to be alone anymore and come back to you? These are questions I think you should consider. if you think she had "something" going on with another guy, maybe she did and maybe it ended and she came back to what she knew and that was her life with you. My 3rd eye thinks there's more.
Outstanding1965
Outstanding1965
Thanks for the comments.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If she cared she would be happy to go to counseling. The people who don't want to go are those who don't want to confront their demons and deal with them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I dealt with similar overwhelming pain by doing something else, something that interested me and released my brain from the constant focus on the problem, and the stress that always came with it. I became more interested in working out and running, which has helped tremendously. I also started exploring a long lost love for discovering new music and musicians by exploring the Barnes & Noble music section and similar methods. Hanging out with my friends, which was always a sore point with my stbx, is a life saver, partucularly when it gets really bad. Focusing myself on other things helped me to realize, without really trying, what I needed and wasn't getting. For you, however, it may help her see the guy in you that she fell for in the 1st place, not the one pressing to make the realtionship work.

I think you are wise to back off and give her some time and space, but be attentive without forcing the issue. I would be careful about hunting for incriminating emails and the like - such tactics can break trust and cause her to turn away more, even though you are worried about how much you trust her. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hugs, it is so painful when the love you give is not returned. I don't have any answers for you other than you are not alone in your pain and struggle with all of this. I am right there with you and it hurts like hell. My advice is don't beg, I begged him to stay and I regret it, he was cold and unmoved and it was pathetic on my part. I hold my head up high when he is around and show him I am just fine without him so I can keep my dignity. Hold your head high, you deserve to be loved completely and you shouldn't settle for less.
Never let the kids feel the tension between you and your wife. My stbx and I are pleasant and polite at all times around the kids and they are doing excellent with all the changes that have come because of it.
If you split let the kids have opportunities to talk with you with quality time, my kids open up to me in the car sometimes out of the blue and it is a gift.
Hugs, hugs, hugs hang in there and find comfort in the smiles of your children. They are the gifts of your marriage.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hang in there! Unfortunatly, time and space is what you have to give her. I know this is counter intuitive and it is hard. Trust me- I have screwed that part up a lot. The rest is up to her. It is hard to deal with things that are not in our control. Be good to yourself through this process and remember that you deserves someone that loves you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This sounds like my life exactly. I feel your pain. I believe that what everyone is saying in their replies is the truth. I am living this right along with you and I know how hard it is to back off. Hanging on and trying to make it work hasn't worked for me so far either. I just have to see where the individual counseling takes us. Until then I have been told by everyone to stay away as much as possible and build my life. At least then if our spouses don't ever see the love they have with us we are ready. Good Luck.
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