There is a group for this that may help you more than we can. I recommend you google it and also There are lots of really good books out there by Melody Beattie.

That would be my marriage!

We were both codependent,, though to varying degrees over the years, & depending on the circumstances. We enabled each other's bad habits.

It's when "interdependence" goes astray...

Complete and utter dysfunction is what happens! I am not an expert and have been learning a lot about this--having accepted that I am co-dependent. However, I do believe that co-dependents attract each other, one way or the other.

Melodie Beattie's books are great. Another good one--''Breaking Free from the Victim Trap'' by Diane Zimberoff.

There is also a DS group on co-dependency that is quite helfpul! We, co-dependents, just LOVE to help people! :)

When 2 co-dependents come together? Well let's see..he just got out of a 10 year marriage, me..a 12 1/2 year marriage...Instead of getting strong...I became enslaved to helping him who for some reason since we've been together over a year already...seems to have health issues that has kept him out of work. Oddly, it didn't keep him from working before. I'm worn out and exhausted. Completely occupied by everything HE needs to do. It was a great distraction for awhile. Especially during the worst of my court battles. I mean how could I focus on my woes when his health and ex-wife drama seemed to overshadow.

I'm exhausted and went from a prison sentence to a jail cell that I'm afraid I will never be free of. I'm not weak. But wow. What have I done 4 myself since my divorce? I caught myself fetching fast food for him yesterday while he waited in the car. And thought...this is lame. I need to get out of this! But I'm finding it hard. Just as he can't seem to get back to work and needs to spend every day with me. He popped over 2day and accused me of hooking up with the pool guy. I made him go out and chat with him so he can see that he's a good guy and when he DOES go back to work...there will be nothing 2 worry about! What kind of cycle is this? 2 co-dependents is like an episode of twilight zone!

more helplessness and more resentment

Sandstorm: Thanks for your reply. I am sorry you are still stuck in this cycle of craziness. I hope you can stop it by not catering to him and TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF (it so easy to give advice to other people, huh?!)

Thx. Yah. I'll try. But I've been fighting the urge to call him ALL morning! It's like torture. I am glad for some reason these feelings aren't attached to my ex husband. He's a monster with a deceiving facade. This co-dependent relationship helped me disentangle from an unhappy marriage. But I clearly went from a hot plate to a frying pan.

In my opinion, traditional martial roles are very co-dependent.

My definition is a set of behaviors and patterns that hinder the ability to have a healthy relationship with anyone. I have most of those patterns and I am working on changing that.

Talking with my husband about this he felt that it might be him too -- I agree. He doesn't think he is a serious co-dependent but he does have behaviors that are an hindrance.

For us, together, we had a hard time expressing love. The way we expressed it was by DOING things for the other (unromantic things). It takes a toll.There are whole host of other issues that happened because we both were sick.

But there is also a lot to say about recovery and getting help. Not together but during the same time.

Indy