For you i recommend sia elastic heart...listen for a few days.

Hey aliaw,

Merry Christmas, and I'm sorry it's been such a tough day. I've also been doing the whole 'try not to burst into tears' bit, with limited success. It's hard to turn off the thoughts, even on a holiday like Christmas. If you can find something to do with your hands (cooking, coloring, origami, anything), I find that helps distract me a little bit. Otherwise, just keep breathing through the pain, and remember that even though you're hurting, you're making it through the day.

The urge to reach out is so hard today! I had been stressing about whether or not my ex still planned to reach out today (as had been discussed previously during the breakup)... he decided to text last night, completely throwing me off. We haven't communicated in weeks. He wanted to say happy holidays and said that speaking today would be nice, but he understood if that wasn't something I wanted. I had to force myself to respond that I wasn't ready to talk, and that as hard as NC is, it's for the best for now. Even though it was an okay exchange, I'm still fighting the urge to obsess over exact wording and timing and motive and everything else... it's so hard to not text, but it's even harder to deal with the response, no matter what it is.

Wishing you peace and strength today. You're not alone in this! Many hugs.

Sorry to hear that you are grieving so much, the holidays don't make things easier esp breakups. Instead of focusing on him, maybe focus on yourself and things you like about being you.
Ruminations about what could've been doesn't help...trust me I've tried! :)

I'm so sorry. I can understand how you're feeling, my ex left out of the blue. You've not only experienced a loss, but the trauma that goes along with a sudden, unexpected loss. It's similar to if he'd been killed in a car accident but in some ways worse for you because he's still out there and this was his choice where dying wouldn't be. I doubt I could have gone to Christmas two and a half weeks after he left. It's been 5 months and I was dreading Christmas. All I could think about was how different my life was than a year ago and still have a sense of disbelief over him being gone.
While the no contact thing is hard (excruciating might be more accurate) it's better for you. If he replied and it wasn't what you hoped for, you'd be disappointed. If he didn't reply you'd be disappointed. Really, there's nothing about it that would make you feel better in the long run. Try to avoid things that feel good now (like unnecessary contact) but won't make you feel better long term. That's really, really hard.
You're right, it will take time, maybe a long time. It might get worse before it gets better but it will get better, little by little.
I would also strongly recommend seeing your doctor for some antidepressants. They won't take away the hurt but if you think about the sadness on a scale of 1-10, they will keep the sadness from becoming a 20. The sadness doesn't go away but it's more manageable. I anticipated being on them for a short time. The doctor gave me a 90 day prescription with 3 refills. I thought I'd get the 90 days and that would be it. I've gotten one refill and will be getting another in about a month because I know I'm not ready to be off of them. If I am, I'm afraid at this point I will spiral into a black hole of sadness.
I also took something for anxiety for awhile because I couldn't eat, I shook all the time and my arms/legs were tingly. I also couldn't focus. The anti-anxiety meds took the edge off and I was able to function and not sob continuously.
Again, I'm so, so very sorry that you're going through this. It's brutal. Hugs to you!

It is hard to stay strong during the holidays. Tears are not a bad thing it washes the soul and relieves built up stress. When I found out my stbx had a plan for 7 years, and I still dont want to know what her plan for me was. I filed and I hurt because I gave her everything . And the lies she has spread hurts more. Then I have her daughter whose timing of the only text since I filed is bs. She texted me on Thankgiving, and again on Christmas. I did not look at them again because it is game playing in her mind. Her daughter did leave a xmas gift at my door , and I have it packed up and will ship it back priorty mail today. I don't play games with peoples heart and my stbx and her daughter CLEANED me out. They started with the bank accounts then finished with the house.
But I will have the last laugh when the judge deals with them breaking his written orders not to remove anything. LOL
Really looking forward to it now
But my point is you have a LOT of great days and times ahead of you focus on the future. Sounds like your at the bottom and things only get better from now on.

I am sorry that you are hurting. Losing someone is difficult enough, but losing them during the Christmas Holidays makes matters worst. Hugs to you.

I was with my ex for 2 years too so I know how you're feeling. I'm 2 months in but I remember how excruciatingly hard the first few weeks were. At week 3 I still couldn't get out of bed or stop crying so I went to the doctor and got put on antidepressants. They really help. Like Melissa said, "on a scale of 1-10, they will keep the sadness from becoming a 20." According to the depression assessment after 3 weeks, my score was half of what it was before I started the meds.

((Wellbutrin is a good one to start with because of the low amount of side effects and it doesn't make you gain weight.))

If this is any reassurance...I am a very emotional person. I thought that if my relationship ended, I would be done. Destroyed. My world would be over. 2 months later and I'm still breathing. I thought I'd be so much worse than this but it honestly gets better quicker than you think. I still think about him all the time but now I can go out with friends and have a good time. I smile and laugh. I have a few hours each day when I feel completely okay. I hardly cry anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still have terrible breakdowns and ruminate and mourn. But that's not ALL I do anymore. It's just a portion of my day. During that portion I usually write a post on here.

This site is the second best tool, behind antidepressants. I don't know where I'd be without it. There are a lot of very helpful, compassionate people and different insights. No one judges no matter what you say or how often you write about the same feelings. You've come to a good place.

Hi aliaw,

I'm really sorry for your pain. Trust me, I understand. Its really hard not to think of the person, especially when its festive all around and all you can do is dream of how different could it be.

Please, stay strong. I'm trying piano classes and gym to cope, maybe you could add them to your to-do list.

And No Contact. Its something that I was unable to establish for 6 months, but I've maintained NC for 1 month now and it feels better, it definitely gets better.

Hang in there. My Christmas and New year wishes.

Missing someone is the worse feeling ever. It will pass, give it time.
Wishing you peace. :)

Thank you to everyone for your support. It really means a lot during this difficult holiday time. I feel strange because it hasn't even been three weeks since the breakup happened but all I feel like I'm doing is repeating myself... on this forum, to my family, to my friends. And everyone has been so supportive... it's me who's annoyed with the repetitiveness of my thoughts and discussions despite me realizing that its largely my way to cope and try to begin to understand.

I feel like each day I want to either post the same version of another feeling or discuss pretty much the same thing with the same people yet again just cuz I'm trying to process.

Is this kind of a normal place to be in post-breakup?

Hi aliaw,

I shut myself down for 6 months and I've turned out pretty effed up in so many ways. So not sharing is not something I'd recommend.

Also, reading your and other stories, even people like me get the confidence and the feeling of not being the only fish in the pond.

I really hope you get better, and give confidence and courage to many others like you and me.