Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My stbx has done everything she promised she wouldn't if we ever got divorced. She has promised to give me the kids on a few occasions only to recant and not give them to me as promised. This has only added insult to injury. If any women read this, please don't let your lawyer talk you into damaging your children's relationship with their father to get ahead in the divorce game it's not worth it!
My ex turned ALL 3 of our grown kids against me and who also took 3 out of 4 of the grand children away too. The 4th grand child and his wife (both very good people) was not wanted by my estranged son.....my ex....or his family.
Unfortunately......everyone loses in the end.
Estrangement is a silent epidemic in the world.....but the worst is when parents turn the kids against the other parent or use them as pawns to try and get back at the other spouse/significant other.
How old are the kids?
My best advice to you is to put your "requests" in writing. I put that in quotations, because I wouldn't phrase it as a request. (If you've got a lawyer, ask them about the specific phrasing.)
I'd ask about 4-6 weeks ahead of time. If you want them on a regular schedule, I stipulate that (every other weekend from 5pm on Fri to Sun at 5pm, every other Wed from 6pm to 8pm, etc, etc...) I'm not suggesting to you what you should ask for..just giving examples.
My ex and I never had a written agreement, parenting plan or any other such thing. At first it was hard on both of us (less so on the kids...they enjoyed the short time that they could play us off of each other...).
His job took him across the country, and they (13 and 15) just finished the whole summer with him. Not because they wanted it, and not even because he asked, but because I KNOW that it's important for their long term best interests to have a close relationship with him.
If you have teens, they may not want to go. Tough. They probably don't want to go to school, go to bed before 2am, go to the doctor, or a few other things that they should be doing either...
Be careful too, to not blame the divorce for kids just being kids and being difficult.
Kids will sometimes blame the divorce or the other parent for things that they want. For example, when my daughter was 5 she said that she was giving her preschool Mother's Day present to her dad's girlfriend.
I said okay. Then a year later I found the remains of it hidden in her closet. Turned out that there was chocolate involved and she ate it.
Many years later, she gets just what it meant for me to stay calm about it. It's a family joke between her, my son and me...
sad but true, usually one parent sees the kiddos as in orbit around themselves
Sorry that you are experiencing such predicament.