Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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diemjs 02/17/2008

I am wondering if anybody out there can help me understand child custody? I am going to fight for full, but the stbx insists on fighting me on this. I know he doesnt want full, but what else could he want? I am the one providing for these kids, not him. He has not kept up on his end of the deal that is written in our seperation agreement. He doesnt have a pot to pee in! His house is in the paper in the legal section for foreclosure and there is a sale date of Feb 27th. What rights, (besides being the dad) could he possibly have? He has NO money and doesnt make enough to keep his own house!

(Sorry, one more question)

He also wants to settle child support out of court! Any reason why he might want to do this? I wont do it. I dont trust him.

Thanks ahead of time for your responses.

deleted_user 02/17/2008

He may want to settle the custody issue out of court because he does not have the money to fight you for it! Sounds like he is loosing everything already!

As far as what else he could possibly want,, I do not know him, so I cannot answer that question!

If it is true and he does not have the money to fight you for custody, then you and your lawyer could probably write it anyway you want it! I suggest you be fair!

Good luck,, it took me 15 years to end my custody battle,, my son had to step up and say that is enough!!

Hugs!

diemjs 02/17/2008

I truly dont want to fight him and dont want to keep the kids from him. He can see them, and help me with dicisions about them, but...he just thinks he is so smart!! And that I am so stupid! I hate that! I want to be fair, but its hard with him...he is an A**hole!

deleted_user 02/17/2008

Perhaps he is going to try and get the kids so he can hit you with paying him for child support. Settling out of court may be a ploy to bully you into giving in to his demands. Stay Strong and focused on the important things.

deleted_user 02/17/2008

He may believe that the idea of losing your children is scary enough that you don't go through with the divorce. This is, I think, what mine thought. It worked for a while, but then I just couldn't take it and found out that he had absolutely no interest in custody. best.

deleted_user 02/17/2008

All ex's are! They wouldn't be ex's if they weren't! LOL

deleted_user 02/18/2008

In our state (KS) it's hard to get Full Custody (unless drugs or abuse is involved)

We are Joint custody with me with custodial rights (they live with me, he has visitiation)

Our Child Support was a complete formula from the state my income and his income the rest is put into formula and spits out what support is. pretty Simple.

I wish you luck!!

deleted_user 02/18/2008

I don't know about the state you live in but for me the most important line in our agreement was "children will live primarily with mother" he never even understood that means I have full custody, I agreed on little things to keep him involved, school, extra activities,etc, made him think he still had a lot say say, and used the term "as mutually agreed upon" in almost every clause. Do not trust him on the child support out of court!!

deleted_user 02/18/2008

diem, I know that often divorce attorney's will tell their male clients to say they want custody because women are so afraid of losing their kids that they give in to demands. (I have a friend who is one and she told me this is fairly common) That said, it doesn't work unless the women lets it. My kids Dad did just that, and I was trying to be fair. He fought me for a year and a half and in the end the judge gave me full custody WITHOUT shared decision making (Even though I didn't ask for it) because, he said to my ex "I can't imagine asking her to have to make decision's with such an unreasonable man."

deleted_user 02/18/2008

I think mt stbx and I have agreed on joint custody with physical custody being with me and visitiation for him. I would defiently not settle on a amount for child support without help from your lawyer or the courts.

deleted_user 02/19/2008

If you are still having issues send me a message and we can talk more.

deleted_user 02/20/2008

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this too! It is such an ache in your heart to deal with! We kind of have similar situations but no two are alike. My stbx wanted to settle out of court. He could be about to loose the house. He was not always a part of their lives yet the kids want nothing really to do with me. Most of the time as far as I know is that they want to settle out of court because of money for one and in my case to work me over. If you go to court and you make more money they may tell you you have to pay. At least that is how it is in Ohio. Have you talked to your attorney? Follow what they say. They are in it for you to protect you. You are in it with your heart and emotions and will not be able to see things clearly. Good Luck
Carol

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