Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Cant understand why ?

Brokentopieces
Brokentopieces

My husband and I have been together for nearly Seventeen years. Married for 11. He told me on October 8th that he wanted a divorce. He left the house on our anniversary. He didn't take all of his belongings just some stuff and I don't know where he's staying. He's being cold and callous. Not even the man I know. He said he wanted a divorce because of money. All the things that he's dating are not even accurate. I work two jobs and volunteer for another. I don't do too much for myself besides get my hair and nails done every so often. I'm so broken-hearted I can't think straight. Which is very unlike me .  I've been walking around sobbing for weeks. I've dedicated my life to helping others in a volunteer capacity and I just opened my own and nonprofit. I am anything but lazy. I just don't understand why he's doing what he's doing. And I'm so hurt I don't know how to proceed.


He is a police officer and has said very mean angry things. He doesn't want me to go have any of the things that we have  accomplished  and obtained together over  the years. I've never been married before he's been married three times. I'm just so hurt that he would even treat me this way. And I can't seem to get my act together to move forward in a positive way. 

Lily61
Lily61
I'm so sorry. It is terribly painful when a marriage ends, and not having a good explanation makes it hard to make sense of what is happening.☹️
Brokentopieces
Brokentopieces
People keep telling me it's another reason and that he's cheating. He swears he's not but it definitely is part of his pattern in his past two marriages. If I've lost all of my friends because they are all part of the police department or their wives and dispatchers.
I wish I could make sense of it all. Or at least know how long I get to feel like this because this is not a functional way to live. I'm usually very motivated happy loving kind person. And I literally walk around the house Solvang. I'm not productive at all. Can't even stand to be around myself at this point. How long does this last
CrushedDad
CrushedDad
I am going through a similar situation with my wife. Married 19 years next month. Very callous and checked out. I am visiting a therapist, am taking meds for depression and anxiety, visiting this site and reading "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends". You MUST see a medical Doctor and a therapist. The pain doesn't disappear but it does abate enough for you to function. This sounds like a pattern for him that has nothing to do with you. HUGS
LawLaila135
LawLaila135
How is your relationship with his other wives. Are you able to talk to them? This might help you a great deal. The relationship I had ended. Oh my, let me tell you, I know the pain I can feel it. I am still in the process of healing. I was able to talk to his two ex-wife's. They told me that he was a cheater and a womanizer and don't fall for his Mr. Nice guy routine because he will end of cheating on you and treating you like "shit". Did he were they right and telling the truth, yes! Both his wives where like you are young and beautiful with your life ahead you don't fall for his trap. Well I never forgot what they told me but I did truly love him. On the days I feel really bad I remember what they told me and I witness how they are happy now and he treated them the same way he treated me.
Brokentopieces
Brokentopieces
@crushedDad
I told him it was a pattern that I saw him repeating. And of course he thinks that's untrue. However we usually don't think things are true until we look back and reflect. He is not even shed a tear over a 17-year relationship period while I'm over here sobbing. He literally hired a divorce attorney and now he's going on vacation for 3 weeks. He's burying his head in the sand. Painting this picture that he was used. When he's never paid a dime for me. I'm just very confused as to why he's even doing it because it just doesn't make sense. I am seeing a counselor. And I'm doing everything that I know how to do. But this pain. This pain is horrible. I recently lost 3 family members in the last two years. And this pain supersedes every single one of their deaths...
Brokentopieces
Brokentopieces
Lawilai35 thank you for your words I have not been lucky enough to speak with his past two wives. His last wife does not ever speak to me because she feels I stole her husband. When I didn't. He had been cheating on her long before he met me. However I understood that she was angry. She still has not dated anybody and it's been 2000. People are telling me that he's cheating. He swears he would never do that again that was why I made him wait 5 years before I married him. I wanted him to be a better man. He's got such great qualities and charisma. The other wives well there's only one of them that talk to me. Everybody else has told me they can't talk to me because they're his colleague. Which is devastating these are all the people I've spent the last fourteen to sixteen years with. Some of my best friends. So it's like the Betrayal gets even worse. The worst part of it all is that I miss him he was my best friend. When anything bad or good happens I would always call him. Now I just wake up every morning wishing that it was all a bad dream.
STex
STex
25 year marriage here. Anniversary is next week. She has not shed a tear either, I have cried at some point every day for six weeks. She was cheating with my best friend and boss. And still was until yesterday. They got caught again. Fool me twice shame on me. I have just put it in Gods hands. I certainly can't change a person. As far as the pain goes, I wish it would end soon. My anxiety has diminished from crazy bad to moderate. Have to go through house things tomorrow with her, don't really want much just some family things, China crystal etc... My mom wants it back. Vent on here often it helps. I should have gone to a doctor right away when I was crazy with grief, but I am a bit better. Stay strong.
Brokentopieces
Brokentopieces
@STex oh my I'm so sorry to hear that must have been horrible. I wish you luck tomorrow. That's going to be horrible to go through. I just feel so incredibly surreal thank you for your kind words and support I really appreciate it
radhika
radhika
women dont forget their husband though they ill-treat them.its an emotion that is too complicated to explain.god has given women such a heart that easily forgets the pain felt million times and still craves for the relationship with inhuman husband.but you must be practical let go of him,forget him.remember one thing no matter how hard you try to work out relationship with such callous people they never love you back they are people who lack empathy.the more you try to stay, the more painful it will become for you,mind has limitations in tolerating neglect callousness,insult,dont force yourself to bear every thing.willing to stay in such relationships is self deception.trust me slowly after ending relationship you will be a normal person.it would be good if you accept the fact that he is never gonna change.