I think it depends on the individual. When my ex husband of 17 years announced he wanted a divorce, I felt the same you do. What I quickly realized is that the person who wants the divorce has already processed their emotions and has made a decision to split. Those of us who are blindsided/surprised by this are dealing with our emotions right then. It is very raw. It is something that we don't want. Something we don't understand. I can honestly say that I agree with you..I don't understand how people just fall out of love or act like they don't know you.

Everyone is different. You take all the time you need to process what is going on in your life, however, don't let it be the "end' of your life. I never thought, in those first couple months, that I would survive this. I did. My ex did me a favor. I hope you get to that point too.

Unfortunately, life can be like a roller coaster. Sometimes you have to hold on for dear life and scream your head off. I wish you the best. You deserve better

Yes, one can "pretend" that the ones we loved for so long don't mean anything to us anymore. It is called "detachment" or "emotional detachment" and it is a conscious decision to achieve the space needed to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings and emotions.

I practiced this when my husband of 12 years told me he wanted a divorce. It was apparent that he had made up his mind and there was no going back. Rather than fight the process and dwell in emotions, I "detached" and focused on forward movement, not looking backwards at all the "coulda, shoulda, wouldas". I didn't dwell in the "good times" memories viewed with rose colored glasses. I accepted the reality of the situation. And because I focused on fact rather than feeling, I recovered relatively quickly and successfully. So successfully that I am now happily remarried to my current husband for going on 16 years.

Yes I too know how you are feeling, my husband of 28 years announced on Xmas day he wanted a divorce, within a few days he was gone and I am left to pick up the pieces and look after our 2 beautiful dogs. I am facing having to sell my home. I agree it’s about detachment to be able to get through this quicker , no communication is best however difficult that is.. take care

I don't have that off switch but i do know I took a long time to process before I left my marriage and 2 years of marriage counselling so I think that sorted a lot of feelings and in the end, sad as it was, we filed for divorce.
I don't have any bad feelings to my ex, he did some pretty shitty things but that is his character and I married a narcissits so that is my responsibility to not ignore the red flags. I was good at that.
I am grateful to be on my own, and I hope the best for him period

I agree with you! My soon to be ex husband decided after 15 years he’s done. No separation even, just went and got an attorney. Texting me a few days before that no matter what happens he loves me?!?!? Seriously? Now here we are 3 weeks later and we don’t talk at all. Thru attorneys only. I don’t understand how it can change so fast.

Today as I drove past my former house, that my ex girlfriend of 10 years is still living in, I discovered she is living there with another woman. We've only been broken up four months. And it's only been 11 days since we cut off all communication. And she already has somebody else there. I am devastated even though I knew something was going on. I don't understand why she lied to me and kept stringing me along. I don't know how to turn off this emotional switch.

Me niether. My wife of 4 years and partner for 12 was in a new relationship 5 months after we seperated. She did it to fill the void that was left behind. A rebound to distract them. That is all. Be strong.

Some people can't live on their own and do not want to deal with their own shit. No reflection on us despite the pain, it does hurt. I experienced that, while we were separated and still living together my ex was always covering his phone while he texted his girlfriend. I am still single and want to work on myself so I don't repeat the pattern.

Same here. I started dating but soon realised im just not ready for it. Work in myself, being happy on my own and learn to forgive myself for the mistakes i made and finnally come to terms that im never getting my wife back and that im better off out of it. X