Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Not only I have to deal with a broken marriage to a person that I'm in love with, but the fact that my mom is so sick and got her results from the kidney biopsy she had last week, she needs a kidney transplant!!! How to deal with all these things going on and not fall apart, how am I supposed to keep it together for my mom so she sees me strong and she doesn't need to worry about me, when inside I'm broken, hurt and sad. All I want to do is cry all the time, cry until my pain is gone until, I feel nothing, but now I can't do that now......
You are going through some very heavy burdens. These are going to be accompanied by very heavy feelings, and that's just normal for what you're going through.
I've been there - mom had a kidney removed, she wasn't a good candidate for transplant, so she was dying. Then of course there was my awful marriage with a total faithless lying bastard, whom I *thought* I loved, and then my child had to go to residential treatment.
What helped me through it was therapy and seeing a psychiatrist to get some meds to get through it.
And the other thing was being of service to others. My mom needed help. I tried to help her. I also used hobbies to help me fill the lonely and sad hours. All of that got me through. Reaching out to others is also important, but most important of all, you have to find your own path through it.
These are a few things that helped me:
- hobbies like crochet, painting, drawing, sewing, even video games.
- yes, watching TV - losing myself in the stories, forgetting about my problems for a little while,
- talking to my friends,
- journalling - IE "life sucks right now. This is happening, and this, and this, and I feel sad all the time. I don't know what to do with myself and....etc." Journalling doesn't have to be even in a notebook. Even if you have a slip of paper, that'll do. Just get the thoughts and feelings out there.
- everyone says to find something fun to do. If you can, do. That will help.
- seeing a psychiatrist. When things are this bad, you have to find a way to get through. Psych meds don't have to be permanent. These things you're going through are so huge, though. They might help you to remain functional at least.
- therapy. Sometimes we feel like we can't 'burden' our friends and relations with such hard situations. Therapy is a good way to get it out.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it is so hard.
For today - you're safe, your mom is there with you. Staying in the present, and not thinking too much about the future, can help.
And remember this: you don't actually know the future. So you're really just telling yourself a bit of a story - summing up the facts in a negative way. What if, instead, you summed them up into a positive, "everything is going to be fine eventually" story? It takes just as much energy to do that as to tell yourself a negative story.
One thing is this - feelings aren't facts. They change every five seconds. Find a way to change your brain state - even chewing gum can help. That's why journalling does help - because it helps your brain move toward something else.
I hope this helps.
Been there, Sheila
I agree with the counseling suggestion. I have been going for two weeks now, and can see there are a lot of things they can help me get through. Just hang in there. I know it's difficult, but you can do it.