the best way to get close to your boyfriend is to help him with so many of the things that are overwhelming him. then, at the end of the day, you both can have private time together.

This realtionship sounds like a lotof work. You have to ask yourself why you are doing this. I have a feeling you may be hanging on so you are not alone. Take a good long look at this and see if this boyfriend is worth the emotional drain. Women are always trying to fix broken men. Be veruy careful, some people will suck you dry and leave you emotionally drained. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Being supportive of your bf and all he has to deal with is one thing- but you can't help him or take meds for him, that's something he has to do himself. I have realized that I was accepting being in a codependent relationship for way too long. I have been with this guy for 5 years and he always has lots of stuff going on- he creates a heck of a lot of problems and then I feel like I need to help him fix them all. I do everything that I can for him and lately he has had no time for me at all. I tried to understand that he is tired and stressed out, I don't ask much of him, apparently it was too much to ask that we even watch a movie together on my birthday! I didn't ask him to go out to the movies or anything- I thought we could just hang out at his place, lay on his bed and watch TV. That didn't happen and I was very hurt. We have talked about it and right now he just wants us to be really really good friends- he misses me because I quit talking to him and quit doing the 100's of things I normally do for him. The bottom line is that every once in a while I need something back and so do you. Depression is a very tough thing to deal with on it's own but if you are with someone who has no time for you it can make things worse. Yes he has lots going on, but why can't you two just hang out in the evening once in a while and relax together? I don't think that's asking too much, if he can't give you that, then it's time to distance yourself, maybe if he gets things settled you two can try again- but I wouldn't put my life on hold sitting around waiting for someone to show you a little bit of attention.

I deal with some of the same issues your boyfriend does. I do take meds for depression, but I don't know if they work. Having been on them for along while before going off of them and know returning to use. I am not sure there is much of a difference.
I am in the midst of legal battles with Ex as well, my parents are getting up there, but are healthy at the moment and I know that will be part of my life ( raising a young son AND taking care of aging parents) in the future.

I question myself all the time if it is fair to begin a relationship with all these circumstances, but I have met someone who seems willing to be with me through all of this. He says he wants to support me and help. I would feel and want to do the same as well IF I could see a good relationship partner with him. I know I would love the support of someone while dealing with these issues. I try to watch for signs if I am with a person, because I don't want to do it alone or if I really feel for this person. My relationship is rather new, so I am evaluating things at this point...

I fully agree with Faithful. Help your boyfriend. Help him with some of the logistics, chores, of dealing with his parents, You might feel better about yourself, you will be able to get to know his family better. He will appreciate your efforts.. I know I would be willing to do what I can to help if it improved the quality of life for all involved.
. If this guy is going to be in your kid's life too, than having him help or see what you are doing teaches him how to treat the elderly and be able to develop a relationship with his parents as well. It sound like you are keeping your lives separate, the way things are...

Relationships take effort. If you live separate lives, then this relationship will not work. He has big time priorities. Peace

to be blunt, it sounds to me like your boyfriend is depressed because he is trying to do it all and take care of his parents too. meanwhile, you are the needy, depressed girlfriend.

it sounds to me like you are going to have to step up to the plate and be the woman that your boyfriend needs and deserves. then, he will be appreciative and be the man who you need. start by seeing that he doesn't manage his time well enough. get him away from his responsibilites via private, relaxing time together.

thank you so much for all your comments. I try to help anyway I can. Alot of times he tells me its his problem or he doesn't want help. I really like his parents and try to help anyway I can. Again he won't let me do anything sometimes. He shuts me out. I would do anything for him and his family if he would let me. I guess I need to have a long talk and ask him what he expects out of this relationship. I do feel more depressed since I've been with him. That sounds terrible, I know. We have some great times too, but his moods are much gloomier than happy.

Sounds like your boyfriend is dealing with real life challenges, however it does not give him the reason to neglect the relationship. It is not all about him.

Helping your boyfriend through to get close to him is not a guarantee. There are plenty of men who are experiencing life challenges and able to make time for their significant other. The problem I see here is that both of you are in need and it is not a good combination.

we all feed off of each others energy, whether it is a good energy or bad. So it could very well be that you being more depressed since you have been in this relationship has something to do with his mood/how things are between you two as a whole and so on. If one enters in to a serious relationship, then the problems that each have do become the others whether they want to take them on or not. Whatever goes on with either in the relationship, the relationship is effected by it. There is almost no way that it wouldnt.

Its commendable you try to help with his folks and other things he needs help with, but unfortunately, some people just feel that the problems they bring with them, should be dealt by them. Some fail to realize that the other person can be a source of aide for them in many ways. Some, fail to realize that they don't have to do it all by themselves. But some, just don't want others in their business. Either way, the partner you want/need to have in your relationship needs to want the same as you when it comes to support. It won't work for someone to keep trying to help, begging to help, insisting to help when the other one just doesn't want it.

It seems a talk is needed. So to maybe give it one more try to help each other get through tough times and land on your feet. Talking with a counselor or maybe pastor (if you have a church), can be helpful to at least getting both of your thoughts and feelings out for the other to hear. The first step is always the hardest and that usually includes letting fears, stresses and emotions out for others to see. If you can get there, then maybe there yous got a shot.

best of luck and welcome to the group

He's got a lot going on. Tell him what you need and see how he responds. Tell him he's always sick, tired or something and how that is affecting you. Then ask him what role does he want to play in working this out because you can't do it by yourself.