Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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broknpieces 08/28/2017

My husband of 13 years left me and our 3 children tonight. There hadn't been any real problems in our relationship and I had been on cloud 9 with him for a long time but apparently he wasn't feeling the same. I was blindsided yesterday when he told me hadn't been happy for a few years now. With himself mainly. Unfulfilled, unchallenged intellectually, joyless, unvirile, not alive and spirited anymore. Nothing excited him anymore. He said when he came home he felt like an alien around us and so disconnected. He said his only joy was going to sleep. I was so bummed to hear that. I knew he was havings issues with getting older. He began working out and losing weight a few months ago, wearing his skinny clothes again. He just bought a new Porsche but he's a car lover so it wasn't something that seemed off the wall. I asked him if there was another women and he vehemently denied this but I have my suspicions. I asked him if there was something wrong with our relationship because this was all coming out of left field. After much prodding he admitted he hasn't felt passionately for me for the past 4 years. My heart broke into a millon pieces at that moment. I've been crying on and off for 2 days now. I've talked to my therapist to help me get through this but it's not working just yet. I can't sleep. And I feel so empty inside. My stomach hurts. When I walk I feel like a zombie putting on a fake smile just to be okay. To exist. I know I am grieving but I don't know how I am supposed to hold it together and carry on with our kids around. To make their school lunches and meals and be okay at drop off and pick up. We told the kids we were separating before he packed up and left. My 12 year old daughter took it in and quietly locked herself in her bathroom to cut her gorgeoous long hair off into a bob. My 10 year old son is being strong but I know he is sad. And my 5 year old girl doesn't quite get what is going on. I had to explain that we were breaking up and she said how can you break up if you are married already? I don't know what to do. I'm sad and want to wake up from this bad dream. He said whatever happens we can stay in the house and he assured me he would always take care of us. Deep down in my heart I know he will. I'm just so sad that I lost him and that he's gone. Never knew my life could be ruined by a midlife crisis. I wish the pain would stop. I wish I could sleep. Thank you for letting me vent.

Lenoire 08/28/2017

I'm sorry to read your story. He is acting irrational, even for someone who needs to find himself. Most cheaters lie vehemently about their indiscretions. The fact that he said he hasn't felt passionate towards you for the past four years, makes me wonder if that's how long he's had the affair for. People don't just up and leave without a good reason. If he'd been feeling this way about his life for the last four years, you would have known it. If he's felt alienated, it's because he's been alienating himself from the family due to his affair. You haven't changed, the children haven't changed so what's the common denominator?

He's lying to you about his reasons for leaving and he's doing what many CS's do, denigrate, insult and blame-shift onto the loyal and betrayed spouse. They do this as a way of detaching themselves, and falsely accusing the loyal spouse of being the problem. They don't want to take responsibility for what they've done. They want a green light and an open road. They don't want to feel guilt or take any accountability for the train wreck they've just caused.

It's hard to believe that someone so close to us could do such a thing, especially when there are young children involved. As hard as this may be to do, don't spend a moment thinking or asking yourself what you did to make him leave. Use your time and energy to advance yourself and your children. He's the villain and you're the victim here.

I would go and see a lawyer to discover your rights and how to protect yourself and your young children. Lean on friends and family during this time. Nothing you did or didn't do, caused him to do this.

Wishing you well.

themiddle 08/28/2017

I could have written your post about two months ago but my story has a few more details that I pray you don't have to endure. My husband left on July 4th while I was out watching fireworks with friends and I found out the next day that he had been having a two plus year affair. The girl had become pregnant. His baby was born five days later. He is now living with the OW and the baby. We had a great relationship (or so I thought) and never fought or were unhappy with each other. I was completely blind sided. I never saw it coming. I felt exactly like you do....I was a mess for so long. I still struggle but the love of family and friends has done wonders for me along with my relationship with God. I still wake up every morning and think this was all a big joke. However, each day he is gone is a little easier than the day before. My husband told me the same that he would take care of us financially and with anything we need. At the beginning, I was texting him anytime something was wrong with the house or there was something I didn't know how to do....now I am starting to want to handle things on my own to prove to myself I can do it. There are still days I cry but there are now days that I don't cry. That is a win!

This is a great forum....you are not alone and there are so many people here who have been through it and they can validate your feelings and give you great advice. Please feel free to contact me anytime. I am only a little farther down the road in the process but I feel like I have already come a long way from the first day when I was just sitting in our closet looking at the stuff he left behind and crying. You can do this!! Your kids need a hero and that is going to be you! I also have three kids but they are older (17, 17, 22) and they are a great support system for me.

Hugs to you!

kbbcoop77 08/28/2017

Do not rely on his "word" he'll take care of you. Time to see a lawyer and protect yourself and your kids.
He can deny all he wants that there is someone else, my experience in real life and on support sites like this is he has his sites on someone else or already in an affair. My wife pulled the same stunt after 24 years and after all her denials months later I learned the truth. We never lied to each other in all those years but that changed..she also told me she had been thinking about it for 2 years and also the cherry on top "it never felt right"...in 24 years! So they'll say anything to justify their exit. Get a lawyer. He's not your friend. It sucks ive been there but after 3+ years I'm much much better and you'll get through it too.

Mannatee 08/29/2017

I am so sorry you are feeling such pain; I empathise completely, although feel I am unable to offer any wisdom due to my situation being so new. I have been awake all night and feel sick, the pain is so intense. People joke about midlife crisis but it is very real. My husband started to change his wardrobe, dye what little hair he has, bought teeth whitening products, moisturisers, tummy toner and the list goes on. Then came the affair. I hope both our situations improve soon. Thinking of you

Escape 08/29/2017

Dont take him at his word. If he says he will "always take care of you" get it in writing. And dont sign anything he gives you. At least not before having your own lawyer who has no association to him approves it. You sound like a homemaker. Am i wrong? If im right you are at a huge disadvantage going into the divorce proceedings with all your emotions on your sleeve and the seeming possibility he will try to rush the divorce. Youve been caught offguard and he might be counting on that to get the upper hand during the divorce, might be especially true if hes been thinking (planning) about this for a while. Dont let the trust you have for the man who is going through a midlife crisis ruin you financially for the rest of your life... wish my opinion was more the sort of "he might change his mind" but i dont know enough about him or you to honestly say that. And as a possibly fellow stay at home mom dependant on her husband for a roof and food i had to point out the financial risk you are facing atm, im sorry.

Shaner23 08/29/2017

I am in same boat my husband of 20 years did same thing I really think it's a midlife crisis and I'm going through same thing I barely sleep, eat. I'm so miserable it's hard, I'm in denial and just numb not sure if that's better than crying just feel like it's a bad dream. I know ppl says it will be ok it will get better just so hard to believe that.

broknpieces 09/01/2017

Thank you all so much for all your responses and advice. It's a been a few days now and I feel better. I'm not crying as much anymore. And I'm finally able to sleep. I admit a stronger antidepressant is helping ease my pain. But You guys weren't kidding when you said time would heal. I never knew this website even existed but I'm thankful for it everyday because it's comforting knowing I'm not the only person in the world going through this. I visit it every day and my heart goes out to others in pain.

I am going to therapy now and I did a couple's counseling session with my ex but he basically he just said he loved being a father but no longer liked being a husband and wanted out of our marriage. He swears on our kids that there is no one else but in the end I realize it doesn't even matter because he's already gone. It's hard being around him. I see him and I start panicking. And it's unfair that I am forced to see him because of the kids and am expected to grieve and heal while picking up the pieces here. The kids are okay but they are sad and it's weird having this emptiness in the house. I went to Back to School night in kinder and it bummed me seeing all the moms with wedding rings on. I felt like such an outsider who wished they were still apart of that elite club.

My ex and I will be going to mediation shortly to hash out all the details but i will be smart and have an attorney look over everything first. All my old friends have come out of the woodwork and have been supportive and I'm so grateful for this as well. I will keep visiting here every day and read. I'm sure once I've healed a bit more I'll begin to give some advice myself. Again, thank you everyone!

bridgie101 09/01/2017

It's not over yet. He hasn't left. He's just gone.

Give him a few months. You're only separated right now, so give yourselves some time. Don't bury the body before it's dead.

there's all the time in the world here.

michaelzx 09/01/2017

So sad to hear your story I keep getting told the pain will go away eventually and I do agree that the heartbreak will wane in time.
But right now it is raw i am feeling tearful most days I'm trying to keep busy but when I sit by myself all the fear emptiness sadness comes rushing back .
I don't know you but I know your pain so I can sympathise with you
I hope you have a good day

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