Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Its been 6 months now since the ex and I have broken up. I still can't seem to get over her. We had been together for 2 1/2 years. We had a rocky relationship and fought a lot but still loved each other. I moved to a new state for her and changed my whole life. We agreed on a mutual break up and at the time I felt pretty decent about it. I thought that we would take sometime and talk in the future. That hasn't been the case. I tried contacting her a couple months ago wanting to get together and catch up she said that would be a possibility and she would get back to me. She didn't get back to me for a few days and I got upset and she said by me getting upset it reaffirmed how she was feeling. We end up talking on the phone and had a good conversation but in the end she told me to move on and find a new gf. I ended up writing her an email after that asking her not to judge me over the text of me getting upset for next time we talk. She responded didn't really answer to what I was saying. Just wrote kind of a phoney but friendly email. She wrote at the end of the email talk to you soon. About a week ago I texted her that I was I thinking about her and asked how she was doing. She never responded back. I have OCD and that is all I can think about now. I want to talk to her so bad and show her that I still care about her. I want to explain to her that the last 6 months of our relationship I having some trouble with my OCD and it hurt our relationship. This whole break up has ruined my life and made my OCD way worse. I am 32 years old and feel so alone all of my friends are married or getting married. I am in a state where I don't really have any friends and all I can do is obsess. Should I try and contact her again? Any suggestions?
It is so easy to get into the thought process of "Maybe if I do this or change that, she will love me again." , but in the end it doesn't matter, because she won't in all likelihood. I am going through something similar, but I had to read her letter to me with clear eyes to understand that there was no going back. So I went through my place and did away with almost all reminders of us, and I never text, write or call her - not even a "oh hey, hope all is well with you." It hurts like a knife, but it will get better. I still mourn her and us once in a while, and although we tend to remember all the wonderful times, I force myself to remember all the things I wasn't to happy about. It helps.
We agreed on no contact, but she kept repeatidly asking me to keep her on Facebook. I didnt want to, knowing it would hurt watching her post. But, she made me promise.
It led me to break down, and contact her. It was killing me seeing her posts and I couldnt talk.
She went on to tell me that we shouldnt keep talking, just makes everything hurt more. But asked me to keep her on Facebook again. I said I would, but deleted her anyway. It was making it more painful for me.
My point here is that ultimately it's not a good idea to contact an ex when they want to end it. I've played the game myself during breakups of "Maybe if I change this, or what if I did that dofferently?". You'll make yourself sick.
I also packed up reminders of her in my apartment, put them in a box in the basement. Took her pictures off my phone.
It's easy for friends to say forget about her and move on. I know it's not, especially with things like depression, anxiety, or ocd. One question you may want to ask yourself is, if she took you back, would things really be the same?