My husband cheated too and is a total alcoholic. I was willing to do all kids of counseling, therapy, church. . .whatever it took to fight for our family and I think the very thought of all the work it would take to get us back on track made him completely give up. We are now in the middle of a divorce. You both have to want it and have to be willing to put in the work and it is not easy! Even with all the work it will be hard to forgive. Good luck to you.

I hear that your hurt and frustrated with your husband and the past choices he's made. I understand. I went through a divorce many years ago. One thing I've learned from my first marriage is that a relationship takes work and both partners have to be willing to do the work it takes to have a happy and successful marriage. And, it's up to each partner, individually, to do their own work on themselves in order for the marriage to work. In other words, you cant make your partner take responsibility for their part of the broken-down communication or the betrayal in the relationship. You can only take responsibility for your part of the brokenness in the relationship and how you contributed to that. If both partners are willing to take responsibility for their part in the breakdown in the relationship, you can begin to reconcile and heal your relationship.

Then, you have to learn new skills and tools and apply them to one another to help you mend and build a healthy and trusting relationship. You can find some of these skills and tools through counseling, therapy, support groups, relationship classes books, etc. One key part for me was learning to lean on my faith for guidance and support. Do you have a faith or belief system that can help you in your marriage?

I remarried twelve years ago and my husband and I have worked on our relationship and on ourselves. My relationship with my husband is healthy and we're happy. I've found that the biggest piece of a successful relationship is COMMUNICATION. It's learning how to communicate in a way that is loving and supportive of each other instead of blame and anger. I learned how to ask my husband what he's feeling and thinking and why he's feeling that way or thinks that way. Then, I shut my mouth and practice listening to him. I genuinely listen to him from an open place of trying to understand where he's coming from. I've learned a lot about my husband this way. The biggest thing I've learned is that my husband grew up differently than me and therefore, has a different perspective than I do of what certain things look like. His parents raised him differently than my parents raised me...and that's okay. I don't make him wrong for it and he doesn't make me wrong for it. However, if there is something wrong that one of us has done to the other, we ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is another important piece of a successful relationship. Have you forgiven your husband for his betrayal? Has he asked you for forgiveness? Forgiveness is a healing component to your reconciliation.

Blessings to both of you. I will pray for reconciliation and healing for you both.

It will never be the same. It can work if you are willing to accept that change but it will never be the same.

I feel for you. What you are going through is the worst. I'm so sorry.

Keep getting support until you find peace with your issues with your husband.

if you both have the desire to work things out, you both should first focus on healing each other's pain and bitterness you both have inflicted on each other and try to communicate with one another in more calm, friendly manner so the line of communication is not blocked. And instead of fighting and arguing about the issue, talk about how to go about so that it will get resolved (act together as a team, co-operating).