Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I divorced in November. We were separated in our home for 2 yrs so emotionally I feel like I am over him really. He is a changed person that I don't know and I couldn't live with him anymore. He didn't want to work on our marriage so I had had enough. I have been through some really hard times since I left. Some really great losses. I had a guy that was a really close friend that is a long story but we are no longer friends. It was only a friendship through FB and he helped me sort out my marital problems and helped me get the courage to leave. But losing him as a friend was a tremendous loss but now I know it was for the best.
Then about a month ago I met someone by accident and we started dating. It was so nice because I had not had anyone pay attention to me like that in I can't remember when. I knew he had some problems and he admitted he did. He was in Vietnam and he was working on some depression issues. But Saturday night he just stood me up for our date and I didn't hear from him. I have tried to call him several times and he hasn't returned my calls. We seemed to have great, open communication so I really don't know what happened except maybe this was all too much for him. So now I am getting all depressed and crying again over another loss in my life.
I don't know when this roller coaster I am on of ups and downs will end. It was nice to have someone that seem to care and maybe be a friend because I live in a different city now. Now I have to figure out where to go from here. Why is this always so hard??
Then about a month ago I met someone by accident and we started dating. It was so nice because I had not had anyone pay attention to me like that in I can't remember when. I knew he had some problems and he admitted he did. He was in Vietnam and he was working on some depression issues. But Saturday night he just stood me up for our date and I didn't hear from him. I have tried to call him several times and he hasn't returned my calls. We seemed to have great, open communication so I really don't know what happened except maybe this was all too much for him. So now I am getting all depressed and crying again over another loss in my life.
I don't know when this roller coaster I am on of ups and downs will end. It was nice to have someone that seem to care and maybe be a friend because I live in a different city now. Now I have to figure out where to go from here. Why is this always so hard??
It's great when someone pays attention to you after not being able to experience it for so long, but it had only been a month, like you said...which is hardly long enough for you to really get to know him and expect something from him. From what I learned, if you take the time to really get to know someone before placing expectations on them, it will save you loads of heartache later. I happened to date several serial daters and people who stood me up too, and i found out that it's just the way they are. For whatever reason, they're not ready for a commitment, relationship, etc.
Great reply by TFE!!
I know some people may find that strange. But before my divorce I was a stay at home Mom with health problems and having friends just had to be put on the back burner. And being hurt by a few friends makes me picky about friendships too but I know I do need that. I think I probably look for male friendships because I want some attention from a male even just as a friend because what I lacked from my ex. It is just hard to get out and make myself do some things. Working even part time is very tiring on me but I know there is more to life than this.
I have always been independent and used to some time by myself but I guess this is all different now. Weekends are very hard with nothing much to do. I guess when I divorced I expected it was all going to be one way and it is not that way at all. I do know I am better off but it will just take more time.
@catlover: Reading your message and your response, I would go as far as saying here that you are letting pain drive your life. Although normal, know that it is not healthy for you in the long run. Awareness is the first road to recovery.
Like you, I also do not have many friends since I've moved out to another city and very much away from home. It hadn't been easy, I know. You mentioned that you are into spirituality? I suggest use that time to communicate with God in prayers and trusting him that it's where and how things are supposed to be right now. I know it's hard to be without friends when going through this, but I've managed to pull through and I know you can too.
It's amazing how much strength you discover within yourself if left within your own resources and being alone for a while. You can get the support you need on this site. We're here to help. :)
Yes it is great to have daily strength and everyone here. I first 'discovered' it several years ago when I had depression issues and just thought about it recently that I should get back on here. Counselors can be helpful but they tend not to have the everyday experience and practical advice that everyone on here has.
You're even lucky because you can get professional help. Our country doesn't have that, and in some cases where it is offered, it costs an arm and a leg that will just be an additional burden to my expenses since I didn't have the financial means that I do now. During my struggle, I've only had God to see me through, and looking back, He had been more than enough to get me through it. Chin up, sister! Know that you will someday gain the strength (if you haven't already) to see this sh*t through, like so many of us here. :D
For me it is taking a lot of time to 'find myself' again. Although I haven't done the things that you have. I have been lost and just running on 'auto pilot' just to make it through a lot of the time. I would try to find a counselor if you can. There are ones that cost very little or nothing at all. People on here are great to talk to. Post your question again on the main forum. You are worth having a better life than what you have now. Take care of yourself. It will get better. It just takes a lot of time. I know how hard it is. Everyone here is willing and wanting to listen and help you!!