Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deadeah 08/27/2015

First of all I want to say hello to everyone, I'm new here and don't know where else to turn. I'm having a very difficult time with this break-up with my husband. We have been together for 6 years. This is my third marriage, when we got together I was reluctant to get married again because of my past two marriages falling apart. I told him (my current soon-to-be-ex) that I'm only willing to get married if he knew that this is what he truly wanted. I didn't want to go through another divorce. He said he was absolutely sure he wanted to be with me, forever.

I resisted getting married to him for 2 years, because I wanted to make sure it was going to last. Well, here I am again, going through another divorce, because he can't decide what he wants. We separated twice before this final one, because he said he felt like he couldn't give me what I deserve.

To make this shorter, I move out on my own and started to heal and after 5 months I started dating again, he tried dating too but couldn't find anyone that he really connected with. As soon as I found someone I really liked, and it started to get serious, he got upset and wanted to get back together. I gave it thought and stupid me, went back to him.

Now I'm here again on my own because he said he doesn't know what he wants and we are separated waiting to get a divorce. I'm so stupid for taking him back. Now I'm more depressed than ever and can't get a grip on myself. I don't want to leave my home or anything. I haven't stopped crying for over 3 weeks. I don't think I have ever been more depressed. I don't see any joy in the future. I just don't want to deal with this anymore. I just want to disappear. I don't t think I have the strength to go on.....

milliejay 08/27/2015

Some thing about your story makes me wonder if you have trouble staying single for some time until you find yourself and learn that happines doesn't come from an outsider, it comes from you. So you leave him and start dating, get serious with a new person, then you go back to your ex - that right there tells me you also don't know what you want and you can't just relax solo.

You don't see joy in the future and you want to disappear - this is your 3rd marriage - yes, I would recommend therapy and some alone time to figure out your path. A man doesn't give us a reason to live - they can enhance our lives, but not talk you into not disappearing. I understand your pain, but if you haven't, seek some guidance from a professional that can help you sort yourself out.

Best wishes.

deadeah 08/27/2015

thank you milliejay, you are right. I need to find strength in me, being comfortable in my own skin, on my own. I have seen countless therapists, and for some reason I can't seem to open up to them fully. Maybe it's because I'm ashamed of who I am, or what I've done.

I know Not being totally hones with my therapist isn't helping me, but I do take to heart what they recommend. They say I need to be happy on my own before I can make anyone else happy. That is so true, and I need to work on that.

Thank you for being honest with me, and you are being very helpful. Sometimes hearing the truth from other people is hard, but it does start the healing process. Thank you....

sakuraowl 08/27/2015

When you say you've never been more depressed it concerns me because I am going through my first (and last divorce cause I don't want to be married again) I have so much pain from this and this is your third time my heart really goes out to you. I just can't even imagine your pain. If he doesn't know what he wants tell him it's done. You must know now not all things can be fixed. I did not want a divorce from my husband but my husband gave me no choice so I am giving him what he wants . It hurts but you have to try to take control of your life here . I am trying to by going through with the divorce , of course our emotions are out of control but are you going to let another man do this to you again? No , I think you are so brave for marrying again and let alone 3 times . But now it's time to just end this . It may be because I am going through so much pain hearing you go through this pain three times just makes me so angry , these guys make me so angry . I'm controlling what I can in my life since everything is so out of control for me right now . Iits all I can do. It's hard but try to take control of the situation somehow. I feel like that too, like I don't have the strength to go on, but somehow I still do ,you can too. But I know it hurts bad , I know your pain is great , my heart is with you . Hang in there.

lamarwilson 08/27/2015

Once is bad enough, but three times sounds awful. I can understand you not wanting to do it ever again. I doubt I will. I definitely wouldn't have children with another woman. People are too selfish, and I don't want to put another innocent child thru this experience again. It's simply not worth the risk. Hang in there!

deadeah 08/28/2015

Thank you Sakuraowl and LamarWilson, your words give me strength. I am so angry at myself for putting myself into the situation to just get hurt again. I will never do that again, never.
I have such resentment towards my soon-to-be-ex and I can't even see straight. Just when I start to focus on myself and thinking I'm doing better, something will remind me of our relationship or him and I just get mad all over again. I have to stop doing that to myself.
I hope the both of you get some relief from your pain, all I can say is that I hope the best for you both and for myself. Thanks so much for your words of encouragement....Big (((Hugs))) to you both.

thesaint 08/28/2015

stop dating immediately. Stop looking for a solution in other people, and inflicting yourself on them.

You need to look inside. Stat. And no more men, until you know who your are and what you want.

3 Divorces is no joke. Its not them. it's you.

lamarwilson 08/28/2015

^That's a little harsh. We don't know all the details so it's not our job to judge. We should all be supportive, and offer each other encouragement here.

deadeah 08/29/2015

Thank you LamarWilson for that. thesaint, I value everyone's opinion, I don't think I mentioned it in my initial post, I'm not dating. That is the worse thing I can do right now. I don't plan on doing anything until I get my head straight.
And I don't believe it's just me, it takes two to be in a relationship. I in no way think it's all his fault, and it certainly isn't all my fault either. The way I look at it is the only thing I can do right now is to learn from my mistakes and don't get into any type of relationship until I had time to heal, which I think is going to take A LOT of time.
Thank you for everyone's encouraging words and support

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