Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just recently posted, but I really can't seem to break my mind free of the pain. How do people stop thinking about the separation, the infidelity, the lies? How come I am so sad and can't get angry? Why do I still want him to come home? My daughter cried in the car yesterday telling me she wanted her daddy and I said ok, do you want me to call him? and she said "no, I want him to come home. I want him to be with us again". How do people deal with that every day from their kids? It is heartbreaking for me as I can't give them answers, he is living with another woman already. He never got his own place, he just went from a friends to her bed in a matter of 2 months (or that is the time frame I was given, he could have been in her bed the whole time he was gone). He has changed as a person, but I still want him back. Why can't I get over him and the sadness? I tried packing up his clothes and other stuff in bags because that is all I had and moving them downstairs for him to come and get and he got upset I put them in bags. I can't keep looking at all of him in the house knowing I lost him. He left when times were rough with us - we were having a low for about 1 1/2yrs but nothing I didn't think we could fix or work through. I took an anti-depressant that made me mean to him, and for that I am so deeply sorry. But once I realized what it was doing (which took 8 months) I went and got taken off of the meds. I have repeatedly apologized to him for it, and he says he can see I have made changes, but maybe too late. Why can't he find the love for me again? and why can't I let go of the love I have for him? Why wouldn't he do counselling and see that we could fix this for us and our kids? My youngest asks me everyday at least 2 times "mommy you'll never leave me right?". Why doesn't he see what this is doing? Why can't I move forward?
It's hard what you are darling with and it's natural to want your family to remain in tack despite that he had moved on.
It was good you packed belongings and regardless of him getting upset one can see that it's very difficult to continue to look at his stuff.
Look after yourself. Keep talking - talking is the best way to prevent isolation and help maintain perspective. Let yourself grieve - it's normal to feel shock when your relationship ended and it can take time for the reality of this to settle in. Let go of anger. Forgive yourself. For give him.
With regards to your children it's about the 3R's- Routine, Rituals and Reassurance.
ROUTINE: Continue to maintain your Routine with regards to your children and let them know that not only they but you to miss their father but if you guys are going to keep on going through the day. And that's it's ok to be sad and to ask questions but some questions you may not have an answer too. Keep them and yourself involved in your daily routines.
RITUALS: if you don't already have traditions that you do with your children start some. Maybe on the weekends taking a walk someplace at a park, beach or a hike. Going to the movies. Baking at home. Going to church. Spending time with family. Establish some type of ritual or continue with any rituals you have done with your children.
REASSURANCE: let your children know that they are going to be OK. Even though there's a shift in the family dynamics that they are loved by their parents. They might be too young to understand fully what is happening however they know that there has been a break in their family unit. Reassure them that no matter what you love them and you were there to care for them and to listen to them.
For yourself, you need self care. I know those pills you took might have been a trigger but they are no excuse for what he did. I know you still want him no but in time you won't. Looking back in his inappropriate behavior is no excuse but it happened and you need to take control over yourself so you can me the rock that your children need. You need to forgive yourselves and start regaining self love. Take walks. Spend time in prayer. Get your nails done. Work out. Get healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. In time you will feel better and stronger.
Seek counseling through your insuranace or if your employer has an employee assistance program. Take advantage of getting back to the woman who would never want someone like that in her life before the incident and is not going to settle now. You are strong, a mother, beautiful and have more power than you think and you will pull through better and healthier you!!!!
In the name of Jesus. Amen.
Best regards
The other part I don't understand is why doesn't someone say something to him about the huge mistake he is making and that what he has done isn't ok? Everyone has something to say to me about how I pushed him, and I must have really hurt him, but no one is seeing how much he is hurting me or saying to him what the hell are you doing?