Hi, it's been a long time since I've been on this site.  I'm sitting here in my bedroom having a much needed cry.  I've been separated from my alcoholic/abusive/narcissitic sociopath husband for a year now, we've been married tomorrow for 5 years. I asked for a divorce, and he doesn't want to give it to me until after my birthday next month.  In a drunken tirade this past weekend with 105 text emails to me, he told me that I ruined my birthday surprise.  He bought me a 60 inch tv for my little home.  That was supposed to impress me.  He said it was my fault, as it always is.  So why am I sitting here depressed?  I feel like such a failure, this is marriage number 4.  I thought when I met him he was everything I ever wanted, handsome, funny, smart, etc., but we got married too quickly and I discovered a side of him that was mean, controlling, and abusive.  Some part of me never wants him in my life, and that's how I feel most of the time, but today I feel as though I am going through mourning.  A deep loss, and it makes me sad.  Not having him in my life is better. Is this normal?