Stay strong girl. I've got news for him - he will have to pay at some point so he can hide all he wants but it will catch up with him and he can enjoy the back pay then. You will find someone else, it will all get better, and you will turn out better in the end. *Hugs*

You can get a summary judgment where your request for the terms of the divorce are accepted by the judge. He can't keep you from divorcing.

I'm at a stage where I hate myself too for getting involved with someone that also feels for no one but himself.

We need to realize that this is THEIR deficit, not ours.

You need to heal from this. And you can. Allow yourself time to grieve. The people here know what you're feeling.

Hugs to you. I want all of us to be free from this.

And they never want to pay. Marriage is not a game, it's a contract. Don't worry about what he does or doesn't want. Just take care of yourself and your child. You WILL be okay.

Hi, I don't know your backstory, but 3 months from separation to divorce seems very quick. Yay for you. But, he might not be able to process it that quickly. Is there a period of time in which he has to sign the papers before they, I don't know, "expire"?

My stbx is 20 months into me telling him I want a divorce, 6 months into the actual legal wrangling, and he still can't process it.

Thanks for all the support. He won't even call his child which does hurt. He's not paying for child care but I'm not going to keep fighting with him. He don't give me a break. Nothing. But I'm not trying to force him to be a dad. But he is a great fb dad. Gets on my nerve. But I will stay strong. I just need a break at times. But its not going.

We file for divorce in May of this year I moved out Aug 1. He waived the 2 yrs waiver. We didnt have lawyers we file on behalf of ourselves. I have taken the parenting class he hasn't. We go back to court on 11/14. I asked him to please show up. He said he needs time. But he been asking me for a divorce for years now. I finally giving him what he want. Now he needs time.

I have been amazed at some of my friends' husbands who appeared to be very devoted dads but then suddenly balked during their divorces when it came to providing for their children? Where did all that fatherly love and concern suddenly go? It's hard to believe it was all just an act and yet that's the only explanation that makes sense. Their money means more to them than their own children. So sad.

As for you, why do you think you won't ever meet anyone else? Right now, you are hurting, scared and depressed. Are you in counseling? If not, you should consider it. It has made a world of difference to me!

Wow, so if he doesn't show up at court, does that set the divorce back, or do you "win" (don't mean win, but does the judge honor all of what you're asking for?)

I think the realities of divorce are way different than what the expectations are. Some of us just don't understand until maybe it's too late. Maybe that's your stbx.

You are right that the realities of divorce can be way different than the expectations. My attorney told me that in our first meeting. That's why she recommended I counter-file a divorce petition. She said she had seen many men drop their divorce actions when it started getting too costly or when they began to get uncomfortable with the things they were having to turn over in discovery. She said that if mine did that, I could file but then I would have to pay the filing fee and the service fee as well, but if I counter-filed, it would be cheaper for me and it meant that even if he did drop his divorce action, the divorce would still go on. Apparently it happens a lot more than you'd think.

I did my counseling I'm okay with the divorce. I just don't trust people. I did counseling for a year. I still go sometimes only because I'm a social worker and its good to purge at time. But he was never a good father from the beginning. Always detached from her so it was easy for him to walk way. I've never been a mean person and I can afford to take care of mychild on my own. So I don't bothered him w anything

Believe me, I too thought I would never find someone else, never thought I'd open up to someone like that again. Thought I'd just be alone forever too, or relegated to pointless and shallow relationships. So wrong lol! I wouldn't have been able to have the most beautiful, loving, HEALTHY relationship of my life without first going through the ringer first.

These feelings are totally natural, it's all part of the process. It's like when you break a bone, and the surrounding flesh swells up and is painful.. That's to protect the break until you heal. And believe me again, when you come out of this, (and you will,) you'll have more knowledge and experience about both yourself and relationships in general to make your next relationship an even better one.

Thanks so much for the support. I will come out of this stronger.

So he wasn't much of a dad before, and he'll continue to not be a dad. I get that. But, regarding the money, I would pursue that. Even if you don't need the support money now, take what you do get, put it in a college fund. Or use it to buy a house, or a car, or support yourself and your child in 5 years, say if you get laid off and are unemployed for a period of time. You need to protect yourself financially. When I did my Case Information Statement for court, I was astounded to see how much it costs to maintain my pets - and they're cats - no grooming or boarding. Just food and vet bills. They're getting older, so the vet bills are getting up there. Now a child? Yikes! They get much more expensive the older they get. They top out expense-wise at college age. Prepare for that!!!!!

I also get that you don't think you'll open up to anyone else. I'm there in that regard too. I never blithly tell anyone "don't worry, you'll meet someone else soon, he'll be the man of your dreams". You never know what will happen down the road. If you're not ready to meet anyone emotionally, you won't. I'm not ready so I know I won't. I might never be ready, and I'm accepting that. We don't have to have a single "one" person in our lives. It's ok either way.