Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello I am new to this group and I just wanted to share my story and hear any advice you guys have to help me move forward. For the past 4 and a half years I have been in an extremely toxic relationship he has made me feel completely and utterly worthless. Telling me that I won't end up anywhere and I won't do anything in my life. I have messed up a great amount in the past years and most of it is due to the depression he has put me in. I have been around him and heard it all too much that I've started to believe him. I lost the love I thought I had for myself. I have become incredibly insecure to the core. From my looks to my being. I just want to know that when I let him go I will be okay, I have never had anyone who has stuck around for as long as he has and I know it's messed up but that in itself means something to me, he's made me believe it has. I want to become the best version of myself but I forgot where to start.
Its Anna great to meet you and credits to you for posting your story.
I was in a very similar position when i had my first boyfriend at 16 and after 6 years i found the courage to leave him. You will find yourself again but only you can do that. Usually after a break up people change their appearances just for something new, i suggest cutting your hair as a start (it will grow back don't worry lol) then mix up your the things you wear try colours and outfits you never thought you would look good in, try something adventurous i'm not sure where you are from but i am sure you can figure out something.
Now don't get me wrong i'm not suggesting to not be yourself what i am suggesting is a new you a new look so you can let the old you go... you see men like him are insecure and they sometimes feel like they can tell us that we cant do better than them because we aren't good enough but trust me you can! because he stayed in your life for so long only means that he enjoys controlling you and you don't need someone to do that . A relationship is team work and you will be okay but you have to believe and block him out of your life and move forward not for him but for yourself. Look yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself let yourself know how much you love you and that you are beautiful and confident. Don't be afraid to feel hurt and alone its only part of the process and journey for greater times ahead of you.
I believe the underlying issue here isn't about him but more to do with you being afraid of making changes and embrace something you are not "used to".
you shouldn't have stayed in a toxic relationship in the first place but you did, for over 4 years, long enough to get you so used to it now you are asking yourself whether you will be ok letting go of this "extremely toxic relationship". you need to reflect and find your ground
I am sorry for the situation you are in but I am glad you shared your story. It maybe really toxic to continue in a relationship where your partner has hurt you so much that you consider yourself worthless. But what you think of yourself at this moment is not true. You are precious in God's sight and in the sight of those who truly love you. You need not find your worth in what others think of you. Let me assure you that your life is valuable and that you are beautiful the way you are! Praying for guidance in your relationship.
You say you messed up in the past. Who hasn't. We all make mistakes. The only problem is making mistakes and not learning from them.
You say he put you in a depression. I have to call BS on that one. You staying in a negative situation with a man prone to be mentally abusive is what made you depressed. There is a difference between a Major Depressive Disorder and situational depression. If a person has MDD they may feel depressed when their life is at an all time high. They are confused because they have everything and can't figure out why they're depressed. It's simply a chemical imbalance and once they seek help, it gets better. Situational depression is a different beast altogether. I'm betting you could take any other woman and drop her into your life and she'd likely end up depressed. The depression is caused by the situation, therefore you get un-depressed by getting out of the situation. You still need to seek help and get on medication but it the meds will just be needed to get you over the initial hump.
FYI: When a guy tells you that the fact that he's hung around a long time to abuse you makes you feel special, it's time to get the heck outta there. You know that's all kinds of messed up, right? The fact is abusers are drawn to weak people that they can manipulate into hanging around and being abused. They're good a making people feel their particular brand of 'love' is real special. It's not. It's just abuse. Get out! Run for the hills! Break all contact and never, ever look back. That's the only way you're ever going to feel better.