So sorry for this ride you're on. No contact is best, I know it's impossible with children, but you need to strive for as little contact as possible - much easier with older kids. He has seen how he can crawl back to you, how you take him back, so if you're serious about ending the insanity, you have to stand your ground.

You say you know he is going to regret this - I see this comment as troublesome. You need to stop worrying about his feelings, about how a divorce will affect him. That had been my mistake for years. He's been driving the crazy train to whatever destinations he wants, with what seems like little regard for you and the kids. You need to stop concerning yourself with his life, and focus on yours and the children's. You take over the driver's seat now. Keep all necessary communications as business-like and factual based as possible. Try to refrain from letting emotions or blame enter into the conversations. No matter what an a$$ he may be, there's little point trying to rehash past arguments or bring up old issues and hurt. What's done is done, he's probably not going to say sorry or accept responsibility for prior injustices. It's rebuilding time. Also, I suggest you journal to your heart's content, I have a word document that I used to rant into every single night. It helped me get my side out, to speak my peace, with the added benefit that writing things down brings clarity. Especially when you re-read your words from weeks or months ago.

I feel like you know exactly what I'm going through which makes me feel better that I'm not the only one. I hate my concern for him but I partly hold on to that because I feel like I need justice! I was a good wife and don't deserve this! All in due time I guess. He left me and the kids without a home so we have to look out for ourselves. It's like he is going through a early mid life crisis which is unfortunately the growing theme in the community around me

Oh, you are not the only one, not by a long shot. Many of us have walked in those same shoes, or ones very similar. There are many cruel people out there in the world, with little concern for those they supposedly love, but hurt nonetheless.

I don't believe in mid-life crisis. I think it's just a tag people put on selfish people, or people put on themselves as a kind of excuse for despicable behavior. The danger with that tag is that it's almost like you can forgive their behavior a little bit, like mid life crisis is a temporary disease, or a temporary emotional condition. Leaving your wife and children without a home is not OK in any way shape or form. He's selfish and severely lacking in integrity.

I get the whole injustice thing, and wanting to hold onto your position of being the one who was undeservedly hurt by him. The thing is, he probably doesn't really care what you think about what he did to you. Even if he does say "sorry" he may not mean it. So you're wasting your energies there. And there is no justice in broken relationships, or divorce. Families split up, children are hurt, it's not fair, but sometimes it's better for the children to live in a single adult household than to experience a lifetime of parential dysfunction. Oftentimes it takes us way way too long to come to these realizations.

You're absolutely right. My kids are incredibly young, 1 and 4. What do you recommend, with your experience, in reference to visitation. He did not fight me when I requested full custody. He doesn't have much responsibility for my boys currently and is obsessed with himself at the time so doesn't spend too much time with them.

Also, his parents are getting a little too involved in reference to when the children "spend time with him" mainly they spend time with them though and not him

This is incredibly helpful by the way so thank you

How much visitation is a very personal decision, based upon many factors. Do you see him actually playing with them during his visitation times? If yes, that he would take them to the park or a zoo or out in the yard to play, then perhaps do a weekend trial, and see how that goes. The 1 year old cannot tell you how their time with dad went, but the 4 year old can give you some insight. The kids do need a connection with their dad, but he has got to work for it. What could be worse than him feeling obligated to have the kids, and just plunking them down in front of the tv, or dumping them with grandma/grandpa all weekend? If he is that kind of a dad, then don't give him too much visitation, if you have control over that. The kids will feel ignored and might internalize that, which would be very sad.

In my state, some months into the divorce we had a parenting mediation session, mandatory. I think in divorces with young kids where the parents are not living together, this session should happen just after filing, or if I'm not incorrect, can happen after one spouse moves out. Anyway, the mediator seemed like a decent guy, said all of the right things, but my ex had already decided that he wanted to see the boys, then 16/18 every other weekend and "whenever". He could have asked for 50/50 but didn't (I would have argued that but he didn't know that). Well, in two months, he's had them overnights only twice. The "whenevers" are one night or so every other week to go golfing, not an overnight. Pretty sure he'll cut the weeknight visits out once the weather gets cold and the golf courses are closed. All they do is go golfing, then to dinner. Some guys just can't handle being one on one with their kids. Yours sounds like that kind.