Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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NotAllWhoWander 01/12/2017

This is my first time posting. I've been reading other posts and I guess I come from the other side of many of your situations. Please be kind, I don't like myself very much either.

I am 29 with 2 kids (2 & 5). I have been with my husband for 8 years, married for almost 6. I met him at one of the lowest points in my life. I felt saved and I overlooked so many of our differences because I was so grateful to be loved.

After our first was born things fell apart. He wasn't great with helping, we parent very differently and he had no patience. I went back to work after 6 months because I just couldn't be at home anymore. my job allows me to be away from home often. During this time I slept with a coworker who I don't even like. I hated that I did it and then months later I did it again. I felt like I was punishing myself.

I tried to talk to my husband about being unhappy and he just didn't get it. I didn't tell him about the cheating but I tried to tell him I needed space, and he begged and cried so I stayed.

He got sent away for work when our daughter was 3. I was pregnant with our second. He was home for 2 days every 2 weeks. I was doing everything myself; working full time, running the house and raising our daughter. When she was born she was sick and spent almost 2 weeks in the NICU... he went back to work and I struggled with dealing with that and our daughter. His parents are amazing and helpful but it made me bitter.

While he was away I went back to work (5 months after baby was born). Again I was taking care of everything but I was ok. I realized I was enough and I could do things for myself. I started an emotional affair with someone that turned into a year long affair. He also had a wife who worked a lot and we were more like friends who talked and occasionally met up for sex. I was not in love with him, which may seem confusing, he was just a sounding board for my problems.

I need to leave my husband. I am hurting both of us. I know there is no good way to leave someone, but do I tell him about my cheating or leave it? For those who have been cheated on, do you wish you didn't know?

Again, I am so sorry for the people like me who have hurt some of you. I deserve no sympathy nor am I looking for any. Just.. advice I guess.

cleigh 01/12/2017

As being the victim of a cheater, I wish my husband could've been honest and told me upfront. The intitial pain would've hurt like hell, but I believe my healing would've started much sooner. The lies are harder to put up with then the cheating. Be honest. I am sick and tired of a culture that thinks it is ok to run away from their problems and lie.

radhika 01/12/2017

get counseling.you dont understand what being faithful to partner really means.will you forgive your husband if he commits the same mistakes that you do such as having sex with other guys.if you go for counseling to a therapist you will know how to deal with stress in a proper manner.you tell him the truth only if you really are feeling remorseful for what you did.and you are mentally prepared to never make such mistakes again and other wise dont tell truth.it cant be predicted how your husband is going to react after knowing truth. hope he understands your immature mind and gives you a second chance. some people cant tolerate betrayal and get mentally depressed.while some people move on easily.

Getstronger 01/12/2017

Your life and his will change forever if you tell him, if you need out go quietly!!! I was cheated on by my wife of 17 year, if icould turn back the clock I don't thi nk I would want to know,it dominated my head for a long time ,the how's,where,when ,what ifs !!!!, do yourself and him a favour,keep it to yourself and deal with it. if you're unhappy walk.

Getstronger 01/12/2017

Oh and one more thing I almost forgot,not only will you change his way of thinking of you but also his family ,freinds your family friends.,,,, I would think about that big can of worms you're about to open. I'm being blunt with you even though im on the other side of the fence,.

onedayatatimeforme 01/12/2017

I am one of the many that is going through a divorce, my stbx well he cheated several times and I mean more than 30 and all of them he claims were for attention not sexual. Well he never told me of any of them and I found out on my own. This is something that perhaps you should see a therapist about because think about it if you tell him he will be hurt, if you don't tell him and he finds out he will be hurt even more, No matter what he and friends and family are going to talk anyways . If you think you can live with not telling him is it because you are trying to protect him or protect yourself. I wish you luck with this it will take time to decide but if you were him would you want to know no matter the cost ?

NotAllWhoWander 01/12/2017

I really appreciate these comments.I am seeing a therapist because I am very clearly the one with the issue here. My problem is, if I were him... I wouldn't want to know the details. I am very close with my family, and I have recently come clean to them and they are disappointed with how I have handled my marriage. I don't think anyone can make me feel worse than I already do. My main reason for not telling him wouldn't be for my own reputation necessarily but we have kids... and we live in a very small town. I have seen what happens to kids when shit (pardon the language) starts flying around about their parents and it is never accurate and always harmful. They are so young and might actually make it out of this without much damage... I hope. Do any of you have small children, and how are they taking everything?

melimoreno 01/12/2017

My advice would be to get help to deal with the emotions and tendencies that make you want to cheat on your spouse. What you did was wrong but beating yourself up everyday isn't going to help you. And you need to realize no one is perfect we all make terrible mistakes sometimes with our lives what matters is what you do with your life now how can you work towards being a good mom and getting to a place where you can have a healthy and loving relationship in the future where you won't want anyone else but that person. It is possible to have.

cigarettesandparkbenches 01/12/2017

I'm sorry to hear that you ended up handling your unhappiness and frustration in your marriage by cheating. I am not judging you - I can certainly understand how people end up in these situations as painful as it is to think about. Of course it is horrible for the person being cheated on, however it sounds like you felt as if you had been pushed into a corner, having told your partner how unhappy you were and it doesn't sound like he took you very seriously.
I'm not at all condoning the cheating, it is wrong on so many levels, it messes with your partners trust not just in you, but in every aspect of their lives.
It's a tough one on whether to tell him: if it was something that happened once or twice and you felt horrible about it, it would do much more harm than good. But seeing as this is something that has been going on for a while and turned into an "affair", I feel like unless you're willing to make things work with your partner for the long term, then you need to tell him. Even if only so he understands fully why you're leaving him.

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