I know the exact feelings you're going through. You almost described my story to a T.
I got the dreaded "I need space" spill too.
And I'm pretty sure what it really means is "just leave me alone so I can be with the other person I met..."
Yep, it sucks, but like Ive told myself now, I dont think I really want somebody that doesn't want me anyway.

In a way we won in these situations.

Imagine being with someone with the kind of character these people had. They're in a long term relationship, find something different, then won't even hard line it and let the other person know what's going on.

I'm trying not to take it personally because logically, I know this is all him and not me.

He wasnt the person I met anymore anyway.

Yeah, that feeling sucks not getting the closure and the answers you are looking for. Like you, I never had concrete proof she was cheating at times during the relationship. But different things just didn't add up at times, especially at the end. Im pretty sure mine was already with the other person before she left me. It was 8 years for me, 10 in yours, so Im sure we both had the same level of attachment and feelings and emotions invested in them.
But you are right, we really are the ones who won. It feels like a loss now, but Im already discovering that taking time to get to know yourself and find out who you truly are and what you really want in life is one of the most precious gifts a person can get. Some people seem to be scared and terrified to be alone with their own thoughts and feelings. They need that safety net and security of a relationship, because thats where they get their self worth from and define themselves by. I believe people like my ex, are too insecure and have too low of self-esteem to be single and have a relationship with themselves. So all we can do is focus on ourselves and get ourselves straight with our own self first and foremost before we can possibly have anything to give to another person. Im pretty sure these "rebound relationships" die out and fizzle as quick as they start, or they just end up in unhappy misery, because they are started with no substance or foundation to begin with.

I agree.

I think there are a number of ways a rebound relationship can go.

I can accept if he found someone he'll be better with. What haunts me is the coldness in the end we built a life together for 10 years and he treated me less than an acquaintance.

All the having to get to know yourself and all that is something I've always valued. I've always been highly independent and had a good relationship with myself.

This whole thing was a huge blow to my confidence though and its making me second guess myself. This 10 year endeavor all came crashing down and there is nothing I can do to save it.

I've done the work on myself, I went to school, I'm financially independent, I already work on myself and go to the gym. These are the things that people turn to in times like these but I've been doing them all along so I feel even more lost.

The thing I have to face is that life isnt black and white, sometimes you put in your all it doesnt translate into measurable results.

Yeah, sometimes things just happen in life that dont make any sense. I've been going to a break up/divorce support group here where I live on Monday nights. Its really helps me alot. They talk about how we lost more than just the person, we also lost the hopes and dreams we had for the future.
And yeah, I can relate to having that blow to my confidence also. I think thats just a normal thing when being rejected, and for somebody else for that matter makes it even worse. I mean our relationship wasnt perfect, I probably could have done things differently and maybe showed her a little more affection. But in my case it always seemed like she needed me to change and become the vision of who she thought I should be rather than just accept me for who I was. And I think when you spend a decade of your life pretty much with somebody and dont ever imagine yourself with anybody other than that person, it comes as a blow and a shock. Im doing alot better than I was, but yeah, I still miss her and I still look back at what could I have done different or better. Just like my post you commented on this morning. Ive been on a roller coaster. But I do see some hope and I really feel like there can be a better future. Its just getting through the grieving process. Everything I've read or been told says that there is no shorcut through the process. But I guess what hurts most is how it ended with no real closure. And so abruptly it feels like. So yeah, its tough. But I guess it makes it a little better knowing that there are other people that can relate what you're going through, and plenty of people that have made it to the otherside and found happier lives and relationships. Its just hard to let that person go that was your everything and one and only for so long.

Based on some deductive reasoning, I assume this guy was your high school sweetheart, that you started "dating" at age 14-16.

I would guess that your ex just "outgrew" the relationship. Many changes and growing occur during the "young adult" years. Perhaps your ex realized that although you were great for the teenager and young 20-something guy, you unfortunately not the one for him now.

Just my 2 cents.

have a look at my journal on how to get closure after a split

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. 10 years is a long time. I understand it's confusing but please don't think you're inadequate. Your ex was the one who decided to just blow you off and that's not your fault. Try staying busy with your career and loved ones. Do something you've always wanted to do. It helps keep your mind from replaying things. Also, I think the reason people can be so cold, is to try to make it easier on themselves. Have you thought of looking into a therapist just to help navigate through this? You're most likely grieving a loss and it will take some time but you will feel ok again.

Must be a trend for husbands to ignore their wives for weeks before they start making demands. My husband did that to me before he lifted me and never looked back.
You will be in a lot of pain, until it ease up, or you release it. I cried many months, felt like my heart would explode, felt like I was dying, and one day I broke. I just was screaming like some wounded animal for hours, I was morning a 23 year relationship,until my sister came to me crying, and made me leave the house with her. She told me that when one door closes, and it appears no way out, God opens a window.
The ones that left don't care if we are in pain, so we have to have courage to fight through the pain, even though , a single action may make you think that you are weak.
Go through the process, when your mind and heart doesn't feel great pain , then you know you're getting over the break up.
Hang in there, even on the worst days, you're still strong , because you embraced a new day with the pain ebbing away.

Yeah, I'm still on an emotional roller coaster. I've tried to take my own advice but I just kinda feel myself getting unhappier & unhappier and it feels like I am falling into a bottomless pit. He always worked so hard to let me know he loved me and he wanted to be with me, then it's all over just like that. I just feel like I got the rug pulled out from underneath me.

I feel scared, I don't want to watch him be with another woman. I can't sleep at night and when I can I wake up feeling like I'm in a nightmare.

I know other people go through this but I feel so alone and so isolated. It just feels like my case is different. I can't explain the connection we had but I really really loved him for who he was. He didn't have the best job, and he didn't go to school but I didn't want to change him, I just wanted him to be happy.

I guess he is happy now, so I get what I want but in a really sad way.