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Broke Up After 6 Years Together

Elizzy1085
Elizzy1085

It's been a month since my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me. I'm struggling so much with this break up because he was also my best friend. We were together everyday for 6 years. I'm all alone now. I dont have any friends anymore because they've all moved on with their lives. I've never felt so lonley and because i'm so lonely all i do is think about him and what he could be doing. Weekends are hardest for me because we would always go out and hang with friends. We broke up because he said we grew apart, but it was really him who grew apart from me. He wants to still be friends which after a month apart i realized id rather be friends with him than not have him in my life at all. We talk every now and then, but it's always me who initates the texting. I know i shouldnt contact him but i feel like im missing apart of me with him not there. I miss him so much to the point i feel like i'm going to have a panic attack. Has anyone gone through this? I need some positive words to help me get through this. I keep crying whenever i think about everything, even tho it's been a month. I feel like i should be feeling better and moving on, but in stead i feel the same way i did when we first broke up. I know we wont get back together because he told me he wants me to find a guy who'll make me happy. But the idea of going on dates and meeting new guys makes me cry even more. I loved being in a relationship. I never wanted to be single again and thought i was so lucky to be with someone who was also a friend. I have a hard time thinking ill ever be able to trust a guy again. I never thought my ex would hurt me let alone leave me. Trust in men is all gone for me. I don't want to be sad anymore.

DadInFlux
DadInFlux
Ugh. Your story is my story. It’s been a month for me, too. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Memories, in this case, stink, because it’s sounds like there was so much happiness, so it leaves you wondering how you’re in this position. Weekends are definitely hard. Busy yourself. Find something that makes you happy. Do something that brings you momentary peace. But embrace your feelings. Deal with them. Don’t bury your pain. And don’t give up on forever. He’s out there for you.
Elizzy1085
Elizzy1085
I think it sounds lame, but i actually don't know what makes me happy, or how to occupy my days. Even when i go out i think about him. I went out with a gal pal of mine last night and all i did was thinking about how much fun i had going out with my ex on the weekends. And when ever i looked at all the guys in the room, i just kept wishing my ex was right there with me. I know i'm definitely not ready to date!
DadInFlux
DadInFlux
You were with him for six years. The happiness you know is with him. You’ll rediscover yourself and identify the happiness that is uniquely you. I know, it’s easy to say, but it’s true. We create our own happiness. Yours has been shared for the last six years. You will find it without him.
TheFaithfulDove
TheFaithfulDove
Give it time. My HS sweetheart and I were together 12, married 8.5 years. We grew up together so It took me 6 yes to date and 12 yrs to get serious again. We grew apart even though I still loved him it just didn't work anymore. Took me 6 yrs to be his friend afterwards and his 3rd wife took two years to pretend friend me then love hacked his acct and blocked me from his and hers for no reason. Hey the good news is he reaped what he sewed and so will yours. It may be too soon to be friends as you're still emotionally attached. Also that energy you felt between you although amazing will take time away from him to fade. Hugs
Elizzy1085
Elizzy1085
Thank you everyone who's responded. I really appreciate it! I guess my thing is i just wish he cared a lil that i'm no longer in his life. I know it's a lil childish for me to want him to be suffering like i am, and i know he isn't because he's the one who left. I just wish me missed me!
Esther2259
Esther2259
Hello, my friend,

You are not alone in how you are feeling. It is so difficult to have someone you love leave you. What you are saying here rings so true to my ears. I was married for ten years when my husband decided that he no longer wanted to be married to me. I was crushed, disappointed, feeling desperate to try and hold on, and so lonely.

Because of that experience, I went through a new journey, one where I drew strength not from “man” but from a place where I would never be disappointed. I strengthened my relationship with the Lord. I remember it, like it was just yesterday. Once I let go and let God have control, I felt a burden lift. It still took time to heal, but I was strengthened just knowing that God would never leave me nor forsake me. (I trust His Word to be true)
My life changed, not because I had wanted it to change, but because someone else did. Sometimes we don’t have a choice in the matter, but we must be able to overcome the circumstances. We do get to choose the next direction in which we travel.

I pray that your tears turn from sorrow to joy, that you find true peace and happiness, and that the pain and loneliness you are feeling now will quickly ebb away. I’m here if you need someone to talk with or to pray for you.
Lavender80
Lavender80
When we bond with partner...the affection, sex, love from them provided us with a steady stream of oxytocin, endorphins and lots of feel good chemicals in the brain and body.

Now that they are gone, many of us are facing a loss of these feel good chemicals...and hence the drop in mood. Obsessive thinking takes over wanting the object of your affection back. You are essentially going thur a physical withdrawal too.

That's why breakups literally hurt.

Don't rush into dating...I think you need some time to grieve and sort your feelings out...b/c you still love him. Nothing wrong with that.

But don't forget to take care of yourself during this period. If going out is triggering you to miss him more, stay in an do something else...or do activities that don't remind you of him.

I would try to avoid as many triggers as possible when it comes to missing him.

Journal your feelings get them out in words. Texting him will not help b/c it will never let your wound heal.

Sending you light and love
paperlantern
paperlantern
It sounds cliché but seriously time heals all. I remember a year and a half ago, going through the same thing, My bf of 5+ years and I broke up 3 times and it was equally bad each time (3rd time took). I remember how weekends were the worst because we usually spent them together & now I had to fill that time in new ways. I remember crying as I swiped on the dating apps, not wanting to get out there but feeling like I should. I remember the general feeling of just being completely lost. Since that time I have gone to counseling and also done some thinking as to why I was so attached to this person, and I realized it was probably b/c I missed my dad so much (my ex-bf was older). Your reasons for attachment may very well be different, but just saying it really helped to sort out exactly why my identity was so tied up in this other person. Because honestly I think being that attached and codependent on someone is not healthy. It hurts to be alone sometimes, but it's also very important and constructive when you're getting out of a relationship that was not ideal. I hope now 3 weeks later you're feeling a bit better & remembering what makes you special & unique. Lots of other great advice here too ^^^ Hang in there :-)