I've broken the NC rule as well. We probably all have at one time or another. You may have asked a question about the FB but you also inquired if it was time for a attorney for the divorce. I just don't think you did all bad. At least it wasn't a long drawn out saga about everything she's done wrong.

Just brush yourself off and get back on the NC horse. Try not to reply if she answers you.....

Oh then I furthered it and ranted about her abandonment and for 3 months and not giving a shit
random call here and there ...a fleeting moment of thought about me
No care for what she put me through
and systematically tore me down all year til her grand finale

she said forget it
I don't want you to call me and I wont ask how you are

Okay.

Start again.

Anything you say...ask...you won't get the answer you're looking for. You won't get the reaction you want.

Oh my....you did have a bad go of it today. But I still stand by what I said. Forgive yourself, and try again tomorrow.

I've gone after my stbx several times after I went NC, or was suppose it. I was so angry, frustrated, hurt....whatever the case may be and I blew it big time. I ended up getting him all flustered. (Couldn't care less). But I also ended up with a whole range of emotions that I had to slog threw yet again.

When I really feel that I have something I just have to say I write it all down in my C. file, or I'll sign on here and blow up the boards with my emotions. I actually feel the best when I come here because I get support, understanding and advice. But writing in my C. file is next best.

Try those next time before you try to contact her, if those don't help you can always email her then.

Hugs....I know you're hurting, mad and just all around discombobulated. It will get better and you will be stronger!
Deb

I know it pissed you off, but she just cut your pain and drama of your daily living down by about half. You just don't know it yet.XXXXXXXXXX

I was very upset her blocking me and said it hurt me

she said it was because I friended an old friend of ours and she didn't want to snoop through my face book pages
and prefer email or phone contact with me

and it hurt her I didn't return her call.

I said hurt you?
Are you really that clueless?

The NC rule. One of the hardest rules. You from holding a physical / emotiinal and mental relationship with someone and all of a sudden ....nothing nada......they don't give two hoots about ya....very difficult. It's a very difficult process but trying to convince you this person will only keep you dangling by a string if you continue talking to them is you own decision to come to and rest upon as difficult as it may be.........and it is difficult.

...even if you did get the answer you wanted...the why question...would it help? I used to think it would. We all go through this on our own. You are here for support but you are in the trenches by yourself unless you choose to bring us and to remember what we discuss and the strength we give each other.

This all comes down to how you feel about yourself...start there. Worry about that. Stick with nc. Don't beat yourself up if you slip. Be honest with yourself. Be your own cheerleader and then share so we can cheer you on too.

Everything you hear in this group, comes from our experience. Our heartaches. Our trials and tribulations. Doesn't mean that everything will help you but it helped us so it can't hurt to try, right?

Look, I stayed with my ex the first time she cheated. All that did was give me about six good months with her. After that, same behavior came back. We went to counseling but she didn't want it and she lied there too. Looking back, all she wanted was the security I provided. She still went out and cheated more times than I know...her words. I was insecure, paranoid and pretty much on eggshells for almost 5 years. That is no way to live.

I told you this because even if your situation is different, you will never get back what you thought you had. It is gone. It is different. It, you will never be the same...and really, would you want to be?

It doesn't matter if you want it or not, the universe will continue to swirl around us at blazing speeds. When I am feeling particularly lost, I like to go up on my roof at night and just gaze at what's out there for hours...

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and then do something about it. If it doesn't work, you will be picking yourself up again but that's how we learn :)

Good luck Murph