Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hey,
This is probably going to be super long. I'm currently going through a really hard break up, the relationship lasted two years through out my whole high school experience/graduating and had many extreme highs and lows. I'm a survivor of emotional and sexual abuse and came to the relationship because he was too and we related and wanted to help eachother heal. It turned out to backfire, my abandonment issues, my sexual issues, my depression and anxiety (possibly BPD as well), have been ruining the relationship for two years and he has barely been able to express any pain he's been in and I've depended on him to help me through me rocky emotions and assure me I'm wanted and he gave up on me. We've been through so much crazy stuff together, be hospitalized, addictions, almost fatal illnesses, homelessness, the death of family members. I can't believe now it's over. I feel like I never got to enjoy the person I'm with. I feel so unwanted and so unloved, I want to go back into the cycle of having unhealthy rebound relationships and lots of sex to help me heal but nothing comforts me but him. I can't trust him, he pulls me around and I can't tell if he wants me back somebody or still has feelings or if he's too afraid of what I'll do if he says he doesn't want me. He doesn't put any effort into anything about having any connection anymore. I feel so sad. All I was was his girlfriend for two years, I have zero friends and every relationship or friendship I ever had has ended in horrible pain and disaster. I'm afraid I've been emotionally abusive to him, I've always pushed for him to be there for me to the point where he was discosiate sometimes, and I've been unstable and lashed out at him and pulled him around too. I don't know if he was emotionally or sexually abusive to me, he would yell at me when I cried and call me names and even stop me from trying to get out of the situation, and sexually sometimes he would act so upset when I said no. I feel so hurt and lost and lonely. I've lost hope I can ever have a healthy relationship. Nobody in this world admired me or wants me. I know this sounds so horrible, but I really still love him and there where lots of good times where he supported and loved me. I need him more than ever. Surviving this is so hard.
Hang in there. The one thing I can offer is that there is a lot of support here. Try to block out all of that negativity. The fact that you can see your own faults is a very good thing. However, you can't let that dictate how you feel about yourself being unwanted. Trust me, and I know this sounds cliche, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. You'll find love again. And one last thing, don't feel like validation comes through unhealthy rebound relationship[s and sex. Would that be a little fun and help you feel better at the moment? Maybe, but long term, you are setting yourself up for heartache. Just know there are people out there who will want to be with you for you.
Anyway, enough of my self loathing. What I see in you is someone who has been through a lot of trauma, and someone who is confused. Not only do you deserve the love you're looking for, you have no idea about the amount of guys who would be willing to show that to you. It can be blinding when we've been through so much, so I completely understand where you're coming from. But just know that deep down, you're going to get through this and come out ahead. And in the meantime, there's lots of people out there who are willing to listen and help in any way they can. You're not alone.