Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ipickflowers 04/15/2018

Hi everyone. It's been quite a while since I was seeking advice on here, but I'm heartbroken and need some guidance from anyone who's willing to read through my story. It's lengthy, so I apologize in advance.

My ex of more than three years broke up with me and I'm absolutely shattered. Our relationship was amazing and the truest form of love I've ever experienced in my life. Everything was fine until about two weeks ago. He started a new job at the end of February. This job is everything he's dreamed of, but right now, he's hired on as a temp. He's been really stressed and working as hard as he can to prove he should be offered a permanent job, and I can tell that's been taking a toll on him. He's lost weight, started becoming distant, and complains of being exhausted every single day. I noticed his distance towards me specifically last week when we went on a getaway trip together and asked him if everything was okay. Of course he said everything was fine, and I left it at that because I've learned not to push him with certain conversations.

Fast forward to Wednesday... And he's ignoring me all day. He was cold, distant, and almost seemed angry anytime I tried to talk to him. I wanted to try one more time to see if he'd talk to me so we could iron things out before the weekend (his friends got married and we were invited to the wedding), and that's where everything fell apart. I called him and he finally told me everything. I told him I noticed he'd been off for a bit and asked if it had anything to do with me. He said he's been "feeling off" with a lot of things in his life... He's tired all the time, he's unhappy. My heart started breaking when I asked if he was unhappy with me. He told me, "You didn't do anything, I just... I've felt unhappy for a while now." I figured he meant unhappy with me, so I asked if our conversation was us breaking up or if he wanted to keep trying with me. His response was, "I've been trying. For a long time now. And, I still feel this way." We were both sobbing and he kept saying how sorry he was for doing it to me. He told me he loves me, he loves me so much, but I couldn't bear to listen to anything further than that. So, I told him he didn't need to tell me anything else and we ended things. He told me he'd drop off all my things on Friday.

When I saw him on Friday, he looked extremely sad. We kept it short, exchanged belongings, and hugged. I started crying and told him I hope he finds happiness because he is a wonderful man. He told me he loved me, and that was it. I didn't go to the wedding because I was his +1 and it would've just been too hard. He removed everything about us on Facebook and Instagram, and that hurt me a lot, so I blocked him on everything and haven't spoken to him since. NC is easy for me right now because I'm hurting so much and I think speaking to him would make things worse.

I've been crying non-stop because I thought he was the one for me. We talked about marriage, we talked about kids... All of our friends and family were sure that we were it for each other. He says he was unhappy with me and trying for so long, but I know that's a lie. Before he started this new job, we were fantastic. We were better than we had ever been. I'm just in need of some guidance. Obviously, I'd love for him to take some time away and realize we should be together. But I'm not sure if that's wishful thinking at this point after everything we've talked about.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm lost and have no idea which direction I should even head in...

cautiously.optimistic 04/15/2018

I’m in the EXACT SAME BOAT!!!
I was reading this and thinkI gotcha “yup...that’s what my wife said...yup that’s what my wife did”. I am here to chat if needed.
My wife moved out yesterday and had the kids for the night. It truly was one of the hardest nights I have ever had. I ended up drinking (I know....not the right step) but I drank and cleaned the whole house and listened to music until about 1:30 in the morning. The. I woke up on the couch this morning....
one thing I am trying to is to put what love and attention I gave my wife and put even more into my kids and myself. It’s been a long time since doing things for myself and I just need to do it.
All people keep telling me to do is to stay active... it’s hard 100%. I mean even this morning when she dropped the kids back off I was fighting back tears and felt so weak.
Do you have any family near you? What are your hobbies? Do you work out?
I didn’t go much this past weak but plan on working out 4-6 times this week.
Thoughts are with you
Take care.

ipickflowers 04/15/2018

Hi cautiously.optimistic,

I'm sorry for your pain. We are definitely in the same boat, and I hope good things for us both.

I do have family and friends nearby and they've been a God send these past few days. I'm trying to stay busy, trying to channel my thoughts and energy elsewhere, but it's so damn hard... I know you understand where I'm coming from.

Sending you hugs and positive thoughts. Perhaps just give your wife the space she desires and take it one day at a time.

snflwrgrl 04/17/2018

I’m sorry your heart is breaking. I will never forget the day my husband of eight years told me he no longer loved me and left. I was devastated! :’( We had two young sons together and I still loved him very much. :( Rejection has to be one of the most painful emotions. Big hug! I spoke to my pastor and I saw a Christian counselor. Both offered the support I so desperately needed and wise advice. Have you considered talking to a local pastor or a counselor? Maybe they can help give you the direction you are seeking. :) There’s a book I found very comforting during this time too. It’s an easy read and written like God is speaking directly to you. <3 It’s called, “Come Away My Beloved”. I highly recommend it! It gave me peace on many nights when I could not sleep. You are not alone!! I will be praying for you this week. Be easy on yourself and take the time you need to heal completely. I’m so glad you reached out.

independent3939 04/17/2018

I’m in a very similar situation. The emotion shown from my bf is almost spot on as yours. He says he has been unhappy but there’s weeks where we’re good and then weeks where he’s distant. I’m about your age too. He is moving out but said he doesn’t want to breakup. We have four dogs. A couple we got together. The others I brought into the relationship. He hasn’t addressed what he expects with them but I assume I’m keeping them since I have the backyard. I have social media but don’t use it, mainly because of the hurt you’re experiencing, I experienced with friends. I haven’t used them in over five years. It was a good idea to block him. It seems like he is going through something personally that needs to be addressed before he can be present with a SO. If it’s true love, he will reach out when he is better mentally. My fiancé (or bf, who knows right now) is going through something similar. I didn’t do anything in particular to make this happen. Whatever you do, do your best not to contact him. It sounds like you’re doing a good job of that. Reach out to friends. I sympathize with your feelings. It’s really hard to keep it together.

heartbrok3n 04/17/2018

I am so sorry you are going through this. Something similar happened to me my ex and I were great and he broke up with me out of the blue and said he had been trying but it wasn't working but we had bee laughing and cuddling and being all lovey dovey the week before. I don't think ill ever understand men. I just think this is the time to really focus on yourself and being a better version of yourself. You deserve someone who knows what they want, and that they want you. No one deserves to have the relationship pulled out from under them like that. That is amazing that you blocked him you are already doing 249494949 times better than me. I would try a new hobby ( I signed up for kickboxing) read some good books, maybe really dive into work, and lean on your friends/ family/support. It is going to be tough, but you know that you deserve someone better. If a guy really cares about you he will make it known. For whatever reason he turned on you when he got his new job, but that doesn't take away from the amazing person you are. I would spend these next week weeks journaling, self care days, just really taking care of yourself. Give yourself time to cry and scream and break down, it is all normal, and its a process. I am struggling still but you get through it. Feel free to message me if you need a break up pen pal. my situation is pretty similar to yours! Keep your head up and most importantly take care of yourself.

ipickflowers 04/18/2018

Thank you for the replies, friends. I'm still going through a rough time, but every day slowly gets better. I've still not talked to him and I'm actually doing pretty well with not checking up on how or what he's doing.

@snflwrgrl, thank you for your prayers and your suggestions. I will definitely look into that book. I sincerely hope I can be as strong as you are someday.

@independent3939, I'm sorry that we are going through the same pain. It's tough, and I believe what makes it even harder is knowing I didn't necessarily DO anything... He just kind of, left. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that the both of us heal.

@heartbrok3n, thank you for reaching out and I'm so sorry you are experiencing the same pain. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't cried and mourned the loss of my relationship. I'm definitely leaning on friends and family, and I hope you are doing the same. Please feel free to reach out to me if you would like to talk to someone. You're right - no one deserves to have the relationship pulled under from them like that... It's heartbreaking. But I'm just trying to move forward right now, and I hope you are doing the same.

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