Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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radrm 08/14/2008

Ok, he is too involved with his X wife as far as i'm concerned and i feel disrespected because since i have been with this guy his X wife has used the children to use him and i'm sick of it. Plus she has let it be known that she will not have me around if she comes to his house, which is why i feel disrespected, he even expects me to stay away because she is there or its my fault there is trouble and she is trippin on me, along with his grown daughter who is close to her mom. They have both yelled at me, told him i dont want her here when i'm here, there has been so many instances that i feel he is disrepecting me by letting them treat me this way and not accepting he has moved on and has a girlfriend. Yesterday was the first day of school for his middle school aged daughter and he took the X-wife with him and the daughter for the first day. I think if she wants to take the daughter he should say ok, fine, you want to take her go ahead, but he drives her to the school and back home afterwards. The X never got a license, before he used to say i have to go take my X to the grocery store, when she has two grown kids who drive and i think they should taxi mom around, not him. He gets mad at me when i tell him how i feel, he says i cause the problems, because i came to his house once when she was there. I did it because i know she says i dont want her here when i'm here, and i think if she doesnt like it she shouldn't come to his house. On the other hand i think he asks for trouble because he goes to her house on a daily basis, saying he has to do this and that for his daughter, he always says it for my daughter. But he actually lets the daughter manipulate for the X on all these excuses to get him over there. I believe the intention of the X is to do this on purpose because she does not want him to be with anyone, i dont think it would matter if it was me or anyone else. The grown daughter and the X did the same thing to this girl he was with last summer. And he had faught with me because i knew the girl was after him and she disrespected me real bad along with the grown daughter once again, and he chose to have her stay the weekend so i broke up with him, i told him she stays we are through. He chose her. He ended up with her all summer and when it didnt work out he wanted me back. Since then we have had many rocky roads, he is angry i ended up wtih a guy a couple months after he did that to me last summer. Why i took him back i dont know, i should have kept on with my life, i was becomming happy again. But anyhow, he says me being with the other guy makes us even, i dont think so, it was totally different to me, because we were definitly not together anymore. Anyhow, i dont want to put up with him catering to the X, am i wrong? I would feel different if she didn't hate me from the beginning just because she found out i was his girlfrlend. Also he hid from his kids and her for 2 years when we were first together, so i felt like he wasn't for real with me, i broke up with him over that, then he let the cat out of the bag and we continued to be together, but nothing has ever solved these problems and i cant help my feelings, screw her, respect me, thats how i feel. I dont think he should have any involvement with her even with the child because of her interference. But i do believe he protects her over me, i'm always the one he gets mad at, he says my feelings are wrong.
help anyone???? advice:::????

deleted_user 08/14/2008

sorry but that's Kinda what kind of relationship I asked my ex for. I would like to be friends like that with my ex. I have many divorced friends that retain an excellent relationship with the ex and have birthday parties, holidays, etc with their ex and I would love to have that as well. (won't happen because my ex has anger issues). I think it's awesome to hear that he's retaining a wonderful relationship with his ex and kids.

deleted_user 08/14/2008

Sounds like you have a problem with HIM - not the ex. Doesn't sound like the perfect relationship to me, why are you still with him?

deleted_user 08/14/2008

These are his children and their mother and actually, his relationships with them do not include you. Much as you don't like it, children come first and having a good relationship with an ex you have children with is important.

You say "screw her"...wow! Maybe he treats you the way he does because you don't really show much respect for his children or her. Lots of luck, you are going to need it!

deleted_user 08/14/2008

I recommend to everyone when they start dating someone to keep the relationship away from the kids until they are sure it is going to stick. The fact that he kept you a secret shows that he cares about his kids, in my opinion. And taking the ex to the first day of school is a great thing. It's an important day for all of them. Showing up at his house because you knew she was there was the wrong thing to do.

It sounds to me like you need to move on and find someone who is willing to do what you expect them to. But I applaud him for not cutting off his family because of you requesting him too. Sorry.

deleted_user 08/14/2008

I think he is being disrespectful to you. Why should you hide away just becuase his ex doesnt like it? he should be fighting your corner

deleted_user 08/14/2008

Radrm you need to get out of this relationship. He is showing you no respect at all. Of course his children come 1st in the children department, but if you are his woman, you should come 1st in that department. He needs to let his kids and his x know that he loves you, respects you, and that he hopes they will accept you as his woman and try to get along. You are not getting any respect and I know exactly how you must feel. Everybody needs to know their place and their boundaries. There is no need for him to be at the x's all the time. He is hanging on and that's not good for you or his x or the kids. Leave now. You can't fix it. If he truly loves and cares about you he will sort this out so that you all can benefit.

deleted_user 08/14/2008

You've put your BF in a situation where he must choose between you and his children. If it were me, I would have to choose the children. Any decent man would not let his children suffer just so that his love life could be more harmonious. You may be able to find a man willing to dump his kids in order to cater to you but then you'd have a man without a sense of loyalty.

You're raising your son all on your own but I bet you'd wish that his father was there to help bear the burden. I would say that this is an imperfect situation and you may wish to find a man with no biological children since they will always draw time and resources away from you. I really don't see how your BF can resolve this issue to your satisfaction in a manner that doesn't hurt his children.

deleted_user 08/14/2008

Okay, coming from the other side: I'm still friends with my ex-husband and we do hang out. However, when he has a girlfriend, I NEVER expect her to not be there, nor do I ever tell him she has to go away. The woman is being disrespectful, you can be friends with your ex only if you can separate yourself from the past romantic involvement. He's acting like a loser, he's not officially a loser until he refuses to try to fix the problem. Though, understand, a lot of the actions are hers-things that he can't change, and with kids involved she'll always be there, you have to decide if you can be in his life with her.

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